


StarFan13 and the Forces of Evil.

by Shock_Cooling



Category: Star vs. The Forces Of Evil
Genre: Confusion, Dealing with issues, F/F, Hey not so rough!, Multiple personalities?, at least by my standards, lighter and fluffier
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-03-19 08:03:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 22
Words: 64,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13700319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shock_Cooling/pseuds/Shock_Cooling
Summary: StarFan13 is one of the most innocuous characters you can imagine. A somewhat obsessive, but otherwise normal high school girl with a somewhat unhealthy obsession with magic, anime and pop culture.What will she do when she meets a decidedly less innocuous version of herself as a result of a time travel accident in a world of dreams and magic?StarFan will need a guide through this weirdness. Star Butterfly is not an option for various complex reasons. So she is going to have to make do with someone else. One Jackie Lynn Thomas, and StarFan's own subconscious mind. Made manifest in the image of Brittney Wong. She doesn't act anything like Brittney Wong though. She really wants to get that across.Join us as we plumb the depths of madness and imagination as a nervous fourteen year old girl finds a power she doesn't quite know what to do with. Who tries to use this power to make her way in the world and understand her own place in it.





	1. Intruders in the realm of dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We begin with an ever so slight change to the start of season 2 of Star vs the Forces of Evil.

Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light; I have loved the stars too truly to be fearful of the night. Sarah Williams.

 

**"Boy, Marco became quite the Mac Daddy in some other timeline."**

She wasn't supposed to hear that.

Information was the only thing that could flow across timelines, and even then, only under specific and strict circumstances.

She wasn't supposed to hear that, and even if she had heard it she shouldn't have been allowed to remember hearing it. But as she woke up that morning those words kept echoing through StarFan13s head.

As she blinked awake she scratched her head and wondered why those words, spoken in an oddly familiar voice, were all she was thinking about when she woke up that morning.

"Why would I care about Marco like that? Why was I thinking about that?"

StarFan went about her morning routines, then opened up her computer. After checking emails she noticed that Star was doing a live webcast. She clicked onto it right away.

When the webcast ended StarFan13 was shattered.

When she realized the signal wasn't coming back she slammed her computer shut and whimpered.

"Well, that's it, I lost my shot, I have waited too long, game over. She can't be mine anymore, she is Marco's woman now."

After having seen Star's latest webcast and being rewarded by the sight of Star's new wand she had been punished with the image of an almost naked Marco Diaz. There was no other explanation why they could be so comfortable with each other. They had to be dating.

StarFan13 didn't know wether to punch a hole in the wall, or try to cry herself back to sleep. She didn't want to go outside, she just wanted to crawl into a dark little hole and be forgotten by the world.

Then she realized something. From her investigations of Star and Marco. Marco wasn't into Star in that way. He wasn't reacting to her filming like a boyfriend. He was acting like a brother exasperated with an intrusion into their privacy. More than that, Marco showed no signs of having a crush on Star.

He had a crush on Jackie Lynn Thomas.

Everybody knew that.

StarFan had to ask how long would that last? How long could it last until the force of inevitability made Marco see that he belonged with Star.

Hell, she had written about it.

Something snapped inside her. StarFan knew that she wanted Star. But she had to move now. StarFan13 had to stop hesitating and get to it. She had to make her feelings for Star known before something happened. She needed to change things, she needed to stop writing about romance and actually live it.

StarFan13 realized that she needed to change, quickly and dramatically. A plan began forming in her head. She was going to reinvent herself and rain hell down on Marco, all in one shot. If she did it right he would never see it coming. Worst case scenario for her? She would just upset a girl who she respected. She could live with that. Being upset is much easier to deal with than a broken heart.

She realized that she had to do this or else her heart would be broken sooner or later. She had to teach herself how to seduce, to be romantic, instead of writing about it she had to do it.

But she wasn't going to start by going after Star, oh no. There was no way she could live with herself if she went after Star on her first attempt and it failed. StarFan13 had just gotten her drivers license, she had to do a little practicing before she entered a race.

StarFan13 was going to seduce Jackie Lynn Thomas.

The more she thought about it the more sense it made. She had known Jackie for years, she was perfect for a romantic practice run. Easygoing, polite, pretty, and getting her would be like punching Marco right in his cute little face. StarFan had gone to school with Jackie for a couple years now. She knew of her, but she wouldn't claim that she knew her.

Fortunately she knew there was an easy fix to this.

She opened up her computer again and started looking at Jackie Lynn Thomas's social media accounts. They were thin. Jealousy shot through StarFan. She realized that Jackie didn't post much stuff because she was too busy having a life. Skateboarding with friends, surfing with friends, going to movies in theaters... with friends. StarFan13 pirated movies, couldn't even dream of skateboarding or surfing without hurting herself. Friends? Ha! She had one at the moment, and with what she was contemplating that friendship might not last long.

StarFan composed an image in her minds eye of who Jackie Lynn Thomas would like. Despite the fact that she was a skateboarder she was clean, no tattoos, no penchant for graffiti, no criminal record. Excellent personal hygiene. She didn't seem to go for bad boys. Despite her tomboyish hobbies she always accentuated her feminine aspects. She didn't appear to be "into girls." StarFan saw that as a minor complication. She had a huge amount of metal in her ears, but she hid it. Suggesting that she was into pain, though discretely.

 _"The pain of having to deal with a screwball like me_?" She wondered to herself.

StarFan turned off her computer and looked in a mirror.

She knew that what she was looking at wasn't what someone like Jackie would be interested in. Bad posture, weird makeup, slim and perhaps worst of all.

Physically weak.

StarFan removed her headband.

She went to her bathroom and washed the hearts off her face.

As she looked at herself she realized that she probably should have done something like this months ago, when she first met Star. But better late than never. She started doing an inventory of everything she had and what she felt that she would need to pull this off. She was going to need new clothes, but before she did that she went down to her garage. Her father had a small gym down there, he didn't use it very often. The weights and a few other pieces of exercise equipment sat there under a thin layer of dust.

She laid down on the bench press after she reduced the weight on the bars from ninety pounds to forty. She didn't know how much weight she could handle and that seemed like a safe level to start at.

With a slight hesitation she lifted the weights.

She could handle it. She smiled and began lifting.

Over the course of an hour she tried every bit of equipment. But she kept coming back to the bench. Lifting ever larger weights. As the hour concluded she realized that she was lifting sixty pounds. She was stronger than she thought she was. She also knew that if she continued like this that she would get stronger.

She loved it.

As she slammed the weights back onto their holders she heard a gentle rain start to fall. She was sweaty, overheated, she needed a shower, so she decided to go take one.

She walked into her backyard and let the warm rain fall. As it washed off her sweat she felt reborn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In writing Shadows I put a lot of effort into the characterization of StarFan13. But, my grown up variant, Pauline Long, is quite different from the canon version. As any 24 year old would be different from their 14 year old self. Thoughts, experimentation and random notes on the canon version of StarFan13 ultimately coalesced into this, enjoy.


	2. The inevitable change of clothes.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where StarFan13 makes her move.

StarFan was physically destroyed by her workout. Going from very little activity to an hour long workout like that had overtaxed her. She was still restless though so as she collapsed into bed she continued her research on Jackie well into the night.

The next day she was still a little sore. Instead of hitting the weights again she wandered down to the Echo Creek mall to do a little clothes shopping.

She had dug a set of contact lenses out of her bedside drawer, she didn't like contacts, but she knew that her square rimmed glasses were the definition of ugly and it would be awhile until her new set of prescription sunglasses arrived in the mail. She knew.   

_"Cool people wear sunglasses. I must become cool at all costs!"_

StarFan tried a little of everything, skimpy dresses, conservative dresses, anything that would emphasize her looks. But she concluded that just wasn't going to fly. Just about anything she tried looked better than her usual clothes. But nothing felt quite right to her. And certainly not right for the job. Moreover, feminine clothing was all about showing off the assets, and she... didn't really have many assets to show.

She started poking around in the more masculine cuts of clothing. After a few different variations she found what she was looking for.

A white suit, with a Panama hat. As she stared at herself in the mirror she felt completely different. These were the clothes of a confident person. Someone bold and dashing, someone that Jackie Lynn Thomas would hang out with.

The suit was expensive, but StarFan was a squirrel, she saved every penny she made. She liked that she finally had something that seemed worthy of her hard earned dollars.

She wore the suit out of the mall. As she walked towards the front door a rather shaggy looking skater kid walked in. He pointed to her and said.

"Awesome hat dude."

StarFan tipped her hat to them and replied. "thanks dude."

The skater kid blinked and stammered, "uh, that... Your voice, are you?"

"That's right, I'm StarFan13."

The skater stammered, "wow, um, looking good?"

"Thank you."

StarFan walked away feeling like she had just done an accidental "dry run" for her "practice mission" and it had gone splendidly.

At the same time though as she walked she thought.

_"I don't look like a StarFan13 anymore, perhaps I should think about calling myself by a different name?"_

 

Monday, back to school. StarFan had spent the rest of the weekend alternating between research on how to seduce and lifting weights. She knew that it would take awhile for weightlifting to pay dividends. But she felt that it was a long term investment in herself that she was willing to make. But she knew that she couldn't train forever. She had to act, she had to strike before it was too late.

She wasn't even thinking about Star anymore, she felt that she had to illustrate something to Marco Diaz.

StarFan barely paid attention in class. She was just running through scenario after scenario where she would talk to Jackie. They didn't have any classes together until later in the day. They would meet at lunch though.

Normally at lunch she would sit down as close as she could to Star. Marco and so many other kids would usually get the closest seats and force her out. Not that she had much to say to Star anyway. She could barely stammer her way through conversation with other kids, talking to Star required such an effort to get past her shyness that she often checked for nosebleeds after talking to Star.

She walked by Star and Marco, the two of them looked up with an expression of befuddlement. Barely recognizing the girl who called herself StarFan13.

StarFan walked right by them without looking at them, sitting down some distance away, right in front of Jackie.

Jackie often ate alone, most kids were too shy to talk to her. StarFan had a new confidence, a confidence borne of futility. She had realized that if her life didn't matter, that she would never ever get what she wanted then she should just take what she wanted.

She sat down in front of Jackie, and went completely silent.

StarFan was petrified.

The fact of what she was doing dawned on her. She was engaging in an act of utter insanity. She was going to try to seduce a girl, she had never seduced a girl, or a boy, or anyone for that matter. And she was starting with one of the most popular girls in school? Thoughts stampeded through her mind. 

_"Eye contact, maintain lots of eye contact! Wait, what is that look on her face? She looks confused. Oh because of the suit."_

Her hand trembled towards her apple. She took a generous bite out of it and started chewing, a thousand thoughts rushing through her mind on what to say.

Jackie looked straight at her. She was curious, who was this kid? and why did they sit down in front of her like they had been friends for years? Then she snapped her fingers as she realized.

"Pauline! Oh, wait no, nowadays you go by StarFan13 right?"

She forced out a disinterested reply.

"I suppose so."

Jackie smiled and looked her over, continuing.

"I'm liking the new look, dude, very snazzy!"

"Thanks, that's what I was going for."

"Sooo, what's with the new threads? You got a hot date or something?"

StarFan suppressed a grin and replied.

"I might, I also came to a realization the other day that it was time to make some changes."

"Cool, so what was the realization?"

Breathing softly StarFan summoned up the courage to say, in as confident a tone as she could manage.

"That you... interest me, Jackie."

The tone of voice, Jackie couldn't help but think that it didn't sound right at all. Jackie asked in an uncertain tone.

"I... Interest you?"

"Yes, you interest me, you interest me quite a bit, my dear Jackie Lynn Thomas. I never noticed it before but your eyes are absolutely stunning."

Jackie chuckled nervously and replied.

"Okay dude, that sounds... nice. It's been a long time since the last time we talked, but... I thought you were into Star?"

 _"Shit! She is onto me_!" StarFan thought, she improvised a response.

"Star is nice, but she is too unreal. She isn't even from this planet, someday... Someday soon she is going to leave, and when she does I can't go with her. I am a creature of Earth, Jackie. I realized that I need to keep my feet on the ground. I need to stop obsessing over her and talk to real people. People like you."

Jackie was increasingly puzzled by StarFan's mannerisms and cadence of speech, she asked. 

"Okay, I can understand that. So, what would you like to know about me?"

"Many things, I want to dive into your mind Jackie Lynn Thomas. But first I have to ask, how do you feel about Marco?"

Slightly shocked by the question of Marco, Jackie replied. 

"Marco!? Hmm, he is a good kid. But it seems like that's all he is. I keep waiting for him to make a move, I see the way he looks at me. But I just can't be with someone who can't make a move. It's not hard you know it's just..."

StarFan had finished her apple, her index finger was over Jackie's hand. Jackie asked in confusion.

"Um, what are you doing?"

StarFan smiled softly, going into the motions of one of the many scenarios she had theorized, replying.

"Making a move."

StarFan flipped Jackie's hand over and started tracing patterns on her palm. Jackie shuddered in unexpected pleasure.

Jackie whispered, "that's really cool... Um, but I'm not into girls!"

StarFan asked politely, "oh, why not?"

"I'm just not... okay? Not that there is anything wrong with that, you do you, okay!"

StarFan stopped tracing and replied in a disinterested tone. "Suit yourself."

Jackie was speechless as she wondered... Was StarFan bitten by a werewolf or something? What possible explanation could there be for this? She had known StarFan long enough to know her legal name. Long enough to see that she was obviously into girls. Was this even StarFan? She looked so confident, so masculine, soooo, handsome.

_"What the heck is going on with this chick!? Years of being unable to string a sentence together, now she is making a move, ON ME?! What the hell did I do to warrant this?"_

They continued to eat in silence for a moment. StarFan continued to try to affect the most disinterested tone that she could. But it was hard. She wanted to run screaming from the school for being so aggressive. She wasn't aggressive, she was the opposite of aggressive, she was someone who prided herself on being as pleasant and polite as she could be. But she knew that wouldn't get her anywhere anymore. She waited, she waited for Jackie to say something. Once she had more information she could go from there. Jackie could answer in a million ways, most of these answers would probably lead to the end of the game. Oh well, too bad, so sad. Back to the realm of unrequited love for StarFan13. What mattered was that Jackie had to speak first. Whatever else happened, Jackie had to play her cards first.

"StarFan, um, you know a lot about Star, don't you?"

Desperately trying not to sound like she still loved Star, StarFan murmured in a disinterested tone.

"I suppose, we follow each other on Instagram and whatnot."

"What do you know about Marco?"

StarFan suppressed a grin. She stated what she knew.

"To know Star is to know Marco. I suppose that's a fancy way of saying I know quite a bit about him too."

"What... What do you think Marco would say, if he could get past his shyness?"

StarFan took a deep breath, leaned forward and brushed aside Jackie's tousled blonde hair. With her lips centimeters from her ear, she whispered.

"If Marco wasn't so shy, he would say to you, I just want to kiss. you.. all... over."

Jackie stopped breathing.

StarFan pulled back and let the moment sit. It had been a bold move, but Jackie seemed like the kind of person who appreciated bold moves. StarFan had really been resisting the urge to kiss her on the ear.

StarFan finished her meal, desperately trying to maintain aloofness, Jackie remained silent. StarFan had learned that there was one last thing to do here. As everyone was getting up to go do other things, amidst the distraction and bustle StarFan snuck her hand down and grabbed a handful of Jackie's butt.

Jackie didn't recoil, she was just stunned. StarFan stated quietly but harshly, "if you want it, then come and get it."

StarFan walked to her favorite spot at the school, the furthest part of the school she could find privacy in. She spent most of her lunch breaks in that spot. She looked to see that no one was around, buried two fingers in her mouth and screamed. This mask was heavy, but damn if it wasn't fun!

 

At three o'clock StarFan had begun her walk home. With time she was rethinking the whole thing. She liked Jackie, she really didn't want to hurt her. But damn had she enjoyed screwing with her. She had evaded Jackie for the rest of the school day until she could rethink this whole thing. Perhaps she could make an attempt to seduce Marco? That would get her closer to Star. Perhaps she could just go after Star directly. It had worked out so well with Jackie that perhaps she did have it in her to seduce Star.

She really didn't want to screw with Jackie again. Though they didn't know each other all that well StarFan always respected her and stringing her along like this felt deeply wrong.

StarFan was in an alleyway where there would be no witnesses to what happened next.

Skateboard wheels.

Directly behind her.

StarFan knew that she couldn't outrun her. There was no place to hide. StarFan stopped dead in her tracks. A little surprised that Jackie had gone to the effort of stalking her and waiting until she was in a spot where no one would see. She waited for the impact. Jackie probably had a bat, perhaps it would be bent? like a dogs leg? Jackie would skate right by her and crush her skull with one shot.

_"So ends the life of StarFan13. Oh well, I'm kinda surprised I lasted this long."_

There was no impact, she skated in front of her, stopped and kicked her board into her hands.

Jackie looked confused and somewhat aggravated.

StarFan had no idea what was going to happen next.

Jackie reached out and touched StarFan's shoulder, she stammered out the words.

"I have to know, I'm sorry, but I have to know."

Jackie leaned in and kissed StarFan. StarFan returned the kiss. StarFan didn't dare push any further than Jackie wanted. She just stood there as politely as she could.

Jackie pulled back, she was smiling, she ran a finger through her hair and asked, "StarFan, Pauline, whatever you call yourself... Do you want to go somewhere and do, something?"

In a detached tone StarFan replied.

"Sure. I have just the place in mind."

Jackie and StarFan walked together, quietly, back to StarFan's home. It wasn't far away and she knew that there would be little chance that her parents would be there. Both her parents often worked late and even if they weren't they weren't expected home for several hours.

StarFan led Jackie inside. Her room was too full of pictures of Star and Marco to do anything like this. Her parents bedroom? Ha! Fortunately her mother had a home office with a decent bed that she occasionally passed out on after a night of furious mathematics.

StarFan sat Jackie down on the small bed, then sat down beside her.

More silence, StarFan tried to analyze her way through this. Her seduction research had stopped long before it got to this point, StarFan was in unknown waters. She had never expected things to work out like this.

She realized that Jackie was in unknown waters too. She had illustrated that she wasn't into girls. She sounded like she was into Marco. StarFan posited in her mind.

_"Is that what I should do? Be Marco?"_

StarFan's stomach was doing backflips. She couldn't help but feel that what she was doing was wrong, manipulative, cruel. That she had shown up to a water balloon fight with a machine gun. She regretted her actions, she regretted treating her friend as a set of romantic training wheels.

Then StarFan's hand moved towards Jackie, seemingly of its own volition and touched her thigh.

StarFan could feel Jackie's body heat radiating through her shorts. The strength in that magnificent set of legs of hers.

StarFan's eyes wandered upwards, to Jackie's flat, toned belly, her ample breasts, those charming freckles and at last, those gorgeous green eyes. StarFan couldn't help but think.

_"Oh dear, this girl is really, really, really attractive."_

StarFan couldn't hold back any longer.

StarFan leaned over and kissed Jackie on the cheek. Nothing too aggressive, just a toe in the water as it were.

Jackie didn't move, the look on her face said politely. "Go on."

StarFan enjoyed that expression, enjoyed it way more than she felt that she should.

She leaned over and kissed her again. Still Jackie sat there motionless. Not recoiling, but not diving in either. StarFan remembered her research.

_"Eye contact, maintain eye contact!"_

StarFan was lost in Jackie's eyes. She couldn't imagine pulling back. She tilted Jackie's head towards her and kissed her on the lips. She wasn't thinking about Star anymore, she was just thinking about those lovely lips. Kinda chapped, despite the taste of mango lip gloss.

StarFan's first kiss was not what she thought it would be. The circumstances were all topsy turvy. But perhaps that was for the best.

Jackie began to reciprocate, mouths opened, tongues began to explore each other.

_"This is great, really really great!"_

Hands began to explore, fingers tracing across legs, along hips, up to chests. As StarFan began to cup Jackie's breasts she felt incredibly jealous.

_"What could do with a rack like this? Boys would be falling to their knees to worship me! Ah who am I kidding, I'd still be a nerd."_

Hands grew ever more aggressive. Tracing lines closer and closer to forbidden zones. Jackie pulled back and asked.

"Listen, um, wow, this is... Much more fun than it should be, but how far do you want to go?"

StarFan hesitated.

She didn't know.

She really didn't know.

Then she remembered.

She wanted Star, she was doing this to "get revenge" on Marco. Breaking Marcos heart would upset Star. Star would never forgive her for this. Yet still StarFan thought. 

_"Is that important to me? Right now all I can think about is Jackie."_

StarFan pulled back and stated in as certain a tone as she could.

"You know I don't feel so great. Perhaps we can do... Whatever this is some other time."

Jackie blinked and replied.

"Okay, sounds cool. You wanna, watch a movie or something instead?"

"Maybe later, I really feel kinda awful. I think there might have been something in that Apple I ate. Like... A worm or something."

"Gross, okay then if you feel that way I'll head home."

Jackie kissed StarFan delicately on the cheek one last time, just to see what would happen.

StarFan didn't know whether she was going to leap across the bed and rip all of their clothes off, throw herself out the nearest window, or just scream. So she just froze there.

As Jackie left the house StarFan saw her off quietly.

Once StarFan was sure that Jackie was out of earshot she buried another two fingers in her mouth and started screaming. A scream of utter insanity. She had just had the hottest girl in school in her hands and had let her walk away.

How was she going to explain all this to Star?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The bent baseball bat is a reference to a character called Lil Slugger from the series Paranoia Agent. I have all the artistic skills of a walrus, but I would love to see an image of Jackie Lynn Thomas as Lil Slugger.


	3. And who are you supposed to be?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternate chapter name, Controlled Fracturing. 
> 
> Wherein the first magical result of timeline tinkering is revealed. Although I suppose you could say that she was here the whole time?

Guilt overwhelmed her.

StarFan leaned against the front door and looked at herself, looking down at her fancy new suit, she thought.

_"This isn't me. This was never me."_

A voice rang out.

"No, it's not, but it might be me."

StarFan exploded to her feet and shouted.

"What, who's that? Who are you?"

The voice replied.

"Who am I... That's a little hard to explain, why don't you find a mirror first?"

"Why?"

"Trust me, this will make things much easier."

"I'm not doing anything until you tell me who you are!"

"And I can't tell you who I am until you look in a mirror, soooory, moody."

StarFan got up and started walking to the downstairs bathroom. As she went inside the voice announced.

"The bathroom huh? Bold choice Cotton."

StarFan asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm just saying, for future reference, that if you are hearing strange voices, that going to the bathroom might not be the best idea. If this happens in the future I suggest you grab a weapon instead of following the orders of a disembodied voice."

StarFan tiptoed anxiously to the bathroom. She faced the mirror. All was normal.

As she stared in the mirror StarFan asked out loud this time.

"What the hell was I thinking? This isn't me."

Her reflection blinked, it was moving like a separate entity, it replied.

"Nope, this not you at all."

StarFan slammed back into the bathroom wall and shouted, "holy... what the hell are you?!"

The reflection replied.

"Well, I'm you and yet not you. For lack of a better word, I am a manifestation of your subconscious mind."

The reflection changed from her face, to Brittney Wong's face. StarFan stammered.

"What the? How? Who? Um."

The first clear question that bubbled forth from her mind was.

"Why do you look like Brittney?"

The reflection replied.

"I chose this form because it seemed like a decent compromise. Someone who wouldn't freak you out too much. But at the same time, you wouldn't be so attracted to me that you would constantly be imagining me naked and we couldn't get anything done."

"Get anything done? What are you talking about?"

"StarFan13, it is my duty to inform you that you have gone crazy, and it's my job to help you become sane again."

StarFan faced the mirror and roared.

"I am not crazy!"

"Really? you are talking to yourself right now. Does that seem like the behavior of a quote, sane person, unquote. But don't worry, you probably aren't becoming schizophrenic seeing as how it's just me in here, not a whole bunch of voices."

"Why, how are you talking to me? Isn't the subconscious supposed to be unconscious?"

"Unconscious? Ha, no I'm always watching over you. I manage everything that your conscious mind doesn't have time for or cares about as you go through your day. As for how I am talking to you right now? I'm not sure. Right now I'm thinking that the stress of you kissing Jackie caused you so much stress that it caused me to manifest as a separate consciousness. That was a ton of fun by the way, we really have to do that again sometime."

"Stress? so, what, are you here to help me deal with all these... Feelings I have right now?"

"Not quite, it's more like I am those feelings you are having right now."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I could start making kissy faces at you. Tell you how much I want you to kiss me. But I think it might be better if I show you."

"Show me!?"

StarFan blinked, she saw something. She blinked again, it was Jackie, sitting on the spare bed. Gesturing to come closer.

StarFan blinked again, she was holding Jackie, kissing her, it felt good, it was like she was really there.

StarFan slammed her hands on the bathroom sink and growled.

"What, was, that?!"

The reflection replied.

"Your unfulfilled desires, I can manifest these in the form of images when you close your eyes."

She blinked again, it was Star this time, they were on a beach someplace, she had never seen Star in a bathing suit. She forced her eyes open and looked at the reflection.

"Okay, you are in my head. Now what are we supposed to do about this?"

"I don't know, but I would like to help you work through this rather sticky situation you have wandered into."

The reflection asked.

"Now, be honest, what do you want to do right now?"

StarFan shouted.

"Get you out of my head!"

"Ha, no, that's not what you really want to do is it? You don't even know me yet, I might be the best friend you ever had, I might be the only friend you ever have. The only friend who truly understands you."

The reflection looked sad for a moment, cupped her hands and begged.

"Oh please don't let me be your only friend! That would make me so sad."

StarFan looked at the reflection and said.

"What do I really want? You who claims to understand me? I want, good god, what do I want? I got it! I want to hurt Marco."

The reflection gave a wry smirk and continued.

"Better, more honest, certainly a bit darker. But that's still not the truth is isn't it?"

StarFan shouted.

"I want to seduce Star!"

The reflection asked.

"Eventually, yes, but you have a more immediate target don't you?"

StarFan asked in a curious tone.

"I want to seduce Jackie?"

"Close."

StarFan sighed and looked down as she admitted.

"I want to get to know her as a friend first, don't I?"

"Now that's more like it. Now, how do you want to go about this?"

"I? How do I want to do this? I don't have any idea how to do this! Isn't that why you are here?"

"Well, yes, but I don't know anything you don't know. I don't know anything about getting to know people that you don't know."

"Well then who are you and what can you do?"

"I'm just your suppressed aspects. I look how you want to look, I talk how you want to talk. I am your confidence, I am the strength that you didn't know you had."

"Can you change your appearance?"

The reflection changed into Jackie.

"Sure thing dude! But I think I said something about not making you too horny?"

StarFan closed her eyes and shouted.

"Yeah, no, not her, not her, not yet!"

"Okay, how about this?"

StarFan blinked again. The reflection looked like her mother now. The reflection stated.

"Oh please don't do this to me. Don't make me your mother, this is just too cliched!"

StarFan blinked again.

The reflection was back to looking like Brittney Wong. She replied.

"Okay, I can work with this. Just please don't make me seem as bitchy as she is."

StarFan looked at the reflection and replied.

"Okay, so, what am I supposed to call you? Since you are obviously not Brittney."

"Well, calling me your subconscious sounds awfully clunky. Hmm, hold on a moment. You are StarFan13, Star Butterfly, butterflies, winged things... okay, I got it! You can call me Kolibri."

"Kolibri?"

"German for hummingbird."

"Why did you pick that?"

"I like the sound of it. At first I was thinking I'd be French for butterfly. But that's Papillon. That sounds like a boys name. Your mind has seized the german language to be as far from the language of anyone named Wong. Despite those wings that you sometimes wear, you are not a Butterfly. You were never meant to be a Butterfly. You were meant to fly by other means than a butterflies wing."

StarFan couldn't believe how poetic her subconscious sounded. It continued.

"As for me? I think I am more of a hummingbird than a butterfly. So, by that circuitous route I arrived at the name Kolibri."

The projection smiled devilishly.

"Besides if I let you pick then I'm probably going to wind up with a name from a crappy Japanese translation of some word like, beautiful, raindrops or Sonic the Hedgehog."

StarFan glared at her and said, "okay, I get it, I write fanfiction. Now can we get on with, whatever it is we are doing?"

The projection clapped her hands and replied.

"Yes, but I am going to have to request one small change."

As StarFan blinked the projections clothes changed, from Brittney's cheerleader costume to a mirror image of the white suit she was wearing. The reflection stepped out from the mirror and looked at itself in the mirror.

"Ah yes, this works nicely."

StarFan looked utterly dumbfounded. The projection replied.

"What? I figured that if you weren't going to wear it then I should take it. Don't tell me I don't look good."

"No, it's not that, I'm jealous."

"You are jealous of your own subconscious mind?"

"Yeah, she looks way hotter in that suit than I could ever hope to be."

The projection shook her head and replied, "it isn't just a matter of looks, it's confidence."

The projection began laying hands on StarFan.

"Now, stand up straight. Puff out your chest, feel the energy surging through your spine. Now, look at yourself in the mirror."

StarFan couldn't help but notice that she looked a lot more confident now.

She slumped back down, stating.

"I can't keep that up."

"That's alright, we have plenty of time to work on that. But we are going to work on that. We can't have you living like this the rest of your life."

"Living like what?"

"Like an antisocial weirdo. You need to get out, have some fun, get a life outside of school and... Well, all this. I can't be your only source of social interaction outside your family and a computer."

The projection tapped her fingers on her hips pensively and continued.

"But I see that you are still uncomfortable with all this all at once. Perhaps we should change clothes? Don't want people to get the two of us confused do we?"

StarFan nodded and started walking up to her bedroom. The projection was already up there, looking at her closet. Quickly taking on the mannerisms of a hummingbird, StarFan shouted.

"Yeah I know my wardrobe sucks!"

"Yes, but we can work with that can't we? How about you just wear something a little less formal for now."

"You know you really don't sound anything like Brittney Wong."

"Probably because I'm not her, I'm just wearing her face for a little while."

"Creepy, but no, why can't you act more like her? You have this real, uncanny valley thing going on. Like a decent person is wearing her skin like Buffalo Bill."

Kolibri looked at her deadpan and replied. "Silence of the Lambs reference huh? You think I am a transvestite murderer eh? Nice StarFan, real nice. To think I would ever tell you, "it puts the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again." I can't act like Britney, at least not as long as I am your subconscious mind, I can't act as anything other than what you are, even if you don't admit to what you are. As such I am not like Brittney, I just look like her."

"Well then, what do you act like?"

"Oh, I haven't been around long enough to decide yet. For now I like to think I'm kind, worldly, unabashedly honest, reckless, violent, squishy, and have a power beyond measure. You know, everything you aren't."

StarFan started to tear up.

The projection leapt into a hug, joyously announcing to the universe.

"But even though you are a stammering basket case who can't figure out your own identity, that doesn't mean that I don't love you with all my heart!"

StarFan replied deadpan.

"Yeah, definitely not Brittney."

Kolibri backed up and said.

"And that's the way I like it."

StarFan reluctantly nodded and got out a black shirt and a set of brown shorts. The projection sat on her bed and gestured for her to change into it. StarFan replied indignantly.

"I can't get undressed in front of a stranger."

"I'm not a stranger, I'm you."

"Okay, I can't get undressed in front of anyone, okay."

"Well, I'm not anyone."

"Just go away!"

"I can't, I'm you! I'm sorry!"

"Then get out of my room."

"How about we compromise? I'll close my eyes."

Kolibri closed her eyes and after StarFan waved her hand in front of its face for a moment. Satisfied she couldn't see she started taking off the suit. When she finished putting on the t shirt StarFan said, "okay you can open your eyes now."

The projection opened its eyes, leaned back in resignation and stated.

"You are wearing lavender colored panties, you have a bunch of moles in the shape of the constellation Orion on your hip, your second toes are longer than your big toes and you feel really self conscious about it."

"You peeked!"

"I remind you, that I am you! I know everything you do, including how you know how you look naked. You really need to get more comfortable with your body."

"How can I be comfortable with my body? Apparently I'm not even comfortable with my own brain!"

"Okay, fine, if it will get you to calm down."

The projection whipped off its suit jacket. StarFan asked.

"What are you doing?"

"If it will get you to relax, then I will demonstrate that I am comfortable with you."

Kolibri had taken off her shirt. Her hands were starting to unbutton her pants when StarFan turned around.

"I can't look at you like this!"

As the sound of fabric rustled through the room, Kolibri stated.

"Well, you are going to have to at some point. Because until you can get comfortable with the sight of your own self. Then you will be blind to the world. Just staring at the wood grain of your closet door."

StarFan tuned around. The projection was wearing nothing but some lingerie. It was still in the form of Brittney. The projection looked at the expression of lust on StarFan13s face and observed.

"Now that's more like it!"

StarFan advanced, taking two steps forward as her arms came up. Seemingly drawn to the projection by magnetic force. Then she hesitated, shouting.

"You aren't real, you can't be real!"

Kolibri replied in a detached tone.

"Well of course I'm not real. Brittney Wong would never be wearing lingerie in your bedroom. Still, you want to touch me don't you? I don't know what will happen if you do that, but I'm genuinely curious to find out."

StarFan reached out, the projection seemed to be awfully solid. The projection smiled and replied.

"It seems that you can imagine a very solid hallucination StarFan13. Now, what do you want to do next?"

"I want to kiss you."

Kolibri leaned back and replied in a cheerful tone.

"Okay, go right ahead."

StarFan leaned in and kissed the projection on the cheek. Kolibri smiled and said.

"That was fun, want to do it again?"

StarFan nodded and leaned in, she found that she really liked the sensation of kissing. She pulled back and stated again.

"Definitely not Brittney."

"Nope, I just look like her."

"I can command you?"

"To a degree."

"Then kiss me, please."

The projection ran her hand through StarFans hair and delicately kissed her back, right on the lips. StarFan was in heaven, she had always wanted someone to kiss her like this. Without an ounce of reluctance, or awkwardness. As her hand rose up it went looking for the thought forms shoulder, which wasn't where she was grasping. Kolibri wasn't all there yet.

StarFan exploded.

"What the hell is this!? What kind of sick joke is this?"

"No joke, it might be kinda sick, you know. Who'd a thought anyone could be so uncomfortable with loving themselves?"

"No, tell me, is this one of Star's half baked spells? Or am I really crazy?"

Kolibri moved her left foot around as if in thought and replied.

"I don't think Star is involved in this. After all nothing has either exploded or manifested in the form of some indescribably saccharine thing. Can't be sure though. As for you being crazy, yeah, you are honey, you are talking to yourself. But I want to help you with that. The first step is acknowledging that you love yourself."

StarFan bit her knuckles and prayed for a distraction. There was none. Just this, thing that has taken on the shape of a pretty girl she had once lusted after. She very nearly started beating her head into the wall. Before she hit she heard in a sing song tone.

"You know what you want to do right now. You want to scream in my face don't you?"

StarFan flew across the room, into the arms of the projection. StarFan leaned in again, chemistry, pure chemistry. StarFan was confused, she announced.

"But this isn't Star, it's me!"

"I can make it Star."

"But it's me."

"Ah dammit, just maintain the shape of Brittney. And we can go from there."

"Got it, you make out queen."

"Don't call me that! Not when I've never done it before."

"You seem to be pretty great at it from where I'm sitting."

"Alright, stop with the compliments."

"Then what do you want me to say?"

"Just kiss me you fool!"

They kissed for a good long time. Long enough that StarFan's father came back from work. When he opened the door the projection dissolved. Whispering, "I'm spent, but I will see you soon."

The projection vanished.


	4. Where the cracks began.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A hard nosed assessment of StarFan13s life and where the timelines meet.

StarFan still had no idea what was going on, but whatever it was, she liked it.

Dinner with her parents was quiet as it usually was. StarFan really didn't have much to say to them. What could she say? "Hey mom and dad, I had a dream a couple days ago that caused me to do the meanest thing that I have ever done in my life to a friend of mine in order to get the upper hand on my crush. Who is a girl, I'm into girls by the way. Oh, and the stress of this has caused me to split into two distinct personalities. The other one manifests in the form of a shockingly detailed and physical hallucination from time to time."

Her father had frowned on her fawning over Star Butterfly and others. Her mother had seemed amused by this, when she could be bothered to take an interest in her daughters life, which wasn't often.

These were not people StarFan felt she could trust with this.

After dinner StarFan went to the garage and, after locking the door she asked quietly.

"Okay, whatever you are, show yourself."

Kolibri materialized behind her, StarFan asked.

"Okay, so, you are my subconscious mind?"

"Pretty much."

"Why was I thinking about Marco this morning?"

The projection took on an expression of deep thought, leaned forward, fist on chin, eyes closed and replied.

"Because you were dreaming of him."

"What was the dream? Can you show me?"

The projection invited StarFan to lie down on the weight bench. She did and closed her eyes.

They awoke in a dream world, a place that looked like the Echo Creek Pier. Except that nothing looked right at all. They were surrounded by variations of the kids she knew from school. Variations of Star being the most common. They were not moving, they were standing like they were part of a mannequin challenge that no one had told her about. StarFan stepped away from the scene and just looked at the weirdness of it all.

StarFan looked down to see that she was holding hands with a ghostly version of Jackie Lynn Thomas... For some reason.

Kolibri materialized next to her. She looked at the incorporeal images and stated.

"I really haven't a clue what is happening here. Dreams are supposed to be weird, but this is too weird even for me."

The people started moving. The version of Jackie that StarFan was holding hands with vanished. Someone else materialized, a woman that StarFan or her subconscious did not recognize. She walked amongst the ghostly people as they started to move, she was stopped dead in her tracks by the sight of a variation of Star kissing a variation of Marco, then that Marco kissed Jackie. The woman stated.

"Wow, Marco became quite the Mac Daddy in some other timeline."

StarFan asked.

"Who is she?"

The projection replied.

"Haven't a clue."

"What, how can you not know? You say that you are my subconscious mind, she is part of my subconscious. Who is she!?"

Kolibri growled.

"I don't know! This isn't one of your... our dreams, that woman isn't a part of your mind."

"Then what is she?"

"I already told you, I don't know. I'm just as freaked out as you are."

"Great, just great, my hallucinations are having hallucinations."

The projection looked askance at her as the two of them quietly shadowed the unknown woman. She went towards a pair of variations of StarFan who were walking with variations of Star and Marco. The woman touched and spoke to one of the variations. The variation leapt backwards, drawing some sort of collapsible weapon asking the older woman.

"Who are you?"

"I'm you, from the future."

StarFan was immediately launched back to consciousness. She bolted upright, breathing heavily, she nearly screamed.

"That's, that woman is me?"

The projection replied.

"That's what she said, I don't know if I believe her though."

"Well, then what do you believe? How can someone else invade my dreams?"

"Well I don't know, perhaps time travel is easier in the realm of dreams?"

"How would you know? Wait, how do I know that you aren't screwing with me?"

Kolibri face palmed and said again.

"Im a part of you, I can't lie to you. I just can't."

"So, what do we do now?"

"Well, apparently your future self came back in time and visited a couple of variations of yourself in other timelines. For some reason, you got drawn into the meeting. Those other variations must have been of some importance to her."

"Important in what way?"

"I'm not sure, let's look at the rest of the memory."

StarFan relaxed back into unconsciousness and went back to the memory.

The woman was still talking to one of her past selves. The past version pointed at a pistol on the woman's hip and stated.

"Don't you touch that thing. Why are you here?"

"I'm just here to observe."

StarFan remembered what she had done in the dream.

She had reached out and tried to touch the older version of herself.

Her hand had passed right through, to the grown up version it was like the younger version of herself wasn't even there.

But as she passed through she had briefly become one with her future self. Information could only travel across these timelines under limited circumstances. Past selves couldn't learn anything that was told to them by their future selves. That information would be lost before the dream ended. But energy was apparently another story.

She realized that when she passed through her future self, she had absorbed energy from the older woman. To her older self, with a direct connection to the wellspring of all magic in the multiverse the energy lost had been so insignificant that she hadn't even noticed that anything had happened. The energy falling to the 24 year old Pauline Long was like an ocean of water falling from Mount Everest. The energy that fell further, most of it dissipated into the ether. But to the StarFan13 in this timeline it had hit her like Niagara Falls. An incredibly powerful concoction of power, perfectly tuned to her body. Energy that charged up her subconscious mind, allowing her subconscious to manifest itself as a separate consciousness.

StarFan woke up.

The projection was still right next to her.

StarFan looked at the exercise equipment she had never touched, had never imagined touching until a couple of days ago and asked.

"Are you the reason why I started lifting weights and talked to Jackie?"

Kolibri looked at her anxiously and replied, "well, kinda. This is something you have always wanted to do, but you never had that last push to really get you to do it. I just made a suggestion, I thought that you might like it and... Well, surprise!"

Kolibri flashed a really nervous smile, StarFan was rather alarmed to see that expression on that face. StarFan asked further.

"You really are my subconscious, my suppressed and forgotten self. Does that mean that you are... Bad?"

Kolibri face palmed and groaned.

"Darkness and evil are not the same thing and you know it! You need darkness to sleep don't you?"

"Still, what's in me? What am I capable of? Am I... evil?"

The projection sighed and replied.

"You aren't ready for that yet."

"Ready for what?"

"The depths of what you are capable of. You aren't ready for that yet."

StarFan grabbed the projection and demanded quietly.

"I have to know, am I evil?"

Kolibri replied.

"You have the capability for evil. Almost everyone does, but you are not evil. Come with me."

Kolibri led StarFan back into the realm of unconsciousness and showed her some potential versions of herself. Kolibri began with the two of them standing side by side in front of a huge mirror.

But a mirror that cast no reflection.

The projection jumped back into the mirror and took on the image of StarFan again. She made herself morbidly obese, then in the blink of an eye, dying of starvation. Both conditions a result of eating disorders. Kolibri explained.

"You can hurt yourself."

The image switched to the halls of Echo Creek, where StarFan was walking the halls with a bloody baseball bat. An expression of joyous rage on her face.

"You can hurt others."

The image switched to StarFan standing in front of Star. Star was behind a magical shield, looking terrified while a clearly wounded StarFan screamed. "Why won't you love me?"

"You can hurt yourself."

Another switch, a vision of her cutting herself.

"You can hurt others."

StarFan was in an army, shooting innocent civilians.

"You can hurt yourself."

She saw herself, at dinner, her father too busy to talk to her, hammering away on his smartphone. While her mother did some sort of paperwork between bites of linguini.

And for the first time she saw it.

How messed up it was.

How people aren't supposed to live this way.

How no one should be treated this way.

Especially a child.

Forged by a difficult home life, StarFan realized that she had cut herself off from so much social interaction. Simply because she wasn't used to it. She had never seen her parents, asleep at the wheel parenting techniques as anything but normal. Their surprisingly cold and prickly relationship with each other was her first template on how to interact with others. She had never felt very loved by her parents. So StarFan had normalized abnormality. Starved of love she had become obsessed with love, but under very specific terms. Unrealistic terms by the standards of reality.

She didn't even call herself by her legal name anymore, she had defined so much of who she was by the actions of others that she didn't even have her own name.

She knew what she had to do now.


	5. Acceptance.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein StarFan13 and Jackie iron some things out.

She ran up to her room to grab her phone, then stormed back downstairs. Her mother asked cheerfully, "hey, where are you going this late at night?"

StarFan replied loudly.

"Out, I have to think!"

"Okay, just be back by eight, my little StarFan."

StarFan stormed over to where her mother was cleaning dishes.

"Okay, let's get one thing straight, the name you gave me is Pauline, no offense, but you really shouldn't have indulged in my madness. But we can get over that, for now I have to go. I just can't deal with your passive aggression right now."

She saw the confusion in her mother's eyes. She saw her mother backing up. Her hand unconsciously moving towards a butcher knife. Pauline took it as a sign of aggression and growled.

"If you want to fight me, then fight me! I wouldn't mind a little physical trauma to offset all the psychological scars you have left me with. But until you can stop me, you have no power over me anymore. I reject your confusing quantum physics, I reject your hypocrisy, and above all else I reject your simmering hatred! So come on, hit me, fight me, or give me a hug, your choice!"

Her mother backed into a wall, she fell to her knees before her daughter.

As she walked away from the scene Pauline had an image in her minds eye of walking away from a building going up in a fireball then collapsing.

_"Oh lord what have I done?"_

She was out of the house before her mother was able to cry.

Once Pauline was far enough away from the house that she was sure her parents couldn't hear she looked in her phone.

She still had Jackie's number.

They had worked on a school assignment together last year and her number was still in her phone.

After three rings she picked up, Pauline asked.

"Um, Jackie, I, I think I might have just caused my mom to go all, um, Abraham and Isaac on me. Can we meet somewhere and talk?"

"Um, wow, it's a little late but sure, where and when?"

"How about your place, in about fifteen minutes?"

"Okay, kinda short notice, but I think I can swing that."

"See you soon."

Jackie met Pauline at the gate to her parents property. StarFan noticed that not a lot had changed since a year ago. Except things were looking a little run down.

Jackie walked up and asked in a casual and rational tone, "so, what's up? And why are you kinda quoting the Old Testament?"

Pauline hugged her.

"My name is Pauline Long, I'm a fourteen year old girl who goes to Echo Creek high. I am a dirty liar who tried to seduce you as practice to seduce Star Butterfly, it's her I wanted, not you. Now I don't know what the hell I want. I beg your forgiveness!"

Jackie looked more curious than shocked by this confession, she asked.

"Okay, why did you tell me that?"

"Because I needed to remind myself who I am. Somethings going on that I don't understand, and it involves time travel and magic and I think I just told my mother that she is a passive aggressive bitch! And I don't know what I'm going to do next, I'm so scared of everything, I just, I just!"

Jackie hugged her tighter and said, "hey, whoa, it's not that bad!"

Pauline pushed her away and tried to collect herself.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry okay, it's just, I'm talking to myself now."

Jackie backed up and asked.

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, no, not like I think you are a hallucination. I mean I'm hallucinating. My subconscious mind is talking to me now, not right now, but earlier. I'm, I'm two different people Jackie. I didn't know I was two different people and when I didn't know I tried to seduce you and I hurt you and I really didn't want to do that, I'm sorry I really don't want to hurt anyone."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, calm, down! You didn't hurt me, it was, well, it was kinda weird, but... I liked it."

"You... liked it when I kissed you?"

"Well, yeah, you weren't my first kiss, StarFan. But you were an awful lot of fun."

"But I love Star! Or at least I think I did, do, um. Not, not that I don't like you, I mean you are cool as hell and God, did anyone ever tell you that you are gorgeous in the moonlight! And you have such a cool personality, and you are helping me with all this and, oh crap on a crutch why am I bothering with anyone else when I should be just talking to you. I mean, you, are, incredible Jackie, and such a good friend, and I just can't stop staring at you and why haven't you shut me up yet? I'm really painting myself into a corner with every word I'm saying, please, please say something to shut me up, Jackie."

"Nah, I'm just going to let you talk dude, it sounds like you have an awful lot of things to say, if you want to talk, I'll listen."

Pauline dug the tip of her shoe into the dirt, with her hands behind her back in the classic, "I did something wrong," pose. Stating.

"Even if I wind up sounding like a creepy stalker, psycho with more repressed issues than you could ever comprehend?"

"Yeah, go ahead, get crazy, I guarantee that I have heard worse."

"You have... Heard worse?"

"Yeah, well, this is going to sound kinda crazy, [wink] but you aren't the only one who has voices in their head."

"Really? Do the voices in your head fantasize about murdering people?"

"Once in awhile."

"I wanted to become Star Butterfly."

"Well, she is cooler than you."

"I want to kiss you."

"Well, it's not like we haven't kissed before. Go right ahead."

"I can't."

"Why?"

"Because, I can't..."

The realization hit Pauline like a lightning bolt. Because she was scared, she was scared that by admitting that she had feelings for Jackie she would destroy her entire identity.

But she had already done that.

Whatever happened here next was going to be her choice so she wanted to make the most of it.

She wailed.

"Jackie I don't deserve to be on the same planet as you! I'm a liar and a coward and I take everything so damn seriously and you don't! You are just so different from me, I can't believe we are the same, fucking, species!"

Jackie hugged her again and replied lovingly.

"Hey, don't say that."

"I'm not even human, if you are human, I'm less than human."

Jackie took on a stern expression and replied.

"No one is less than human, least of all you. Try not to talk like that, okay? it's really bad for you. Now come on, how about we go inside, get you something warm to drink?"

"Thank you, I, I just..."

"Hey, I know I said that I wanted you to talk, but you don't need to say anything more if you don't want to."

"I want to, I really want to, it's just that I can't, not without sounding like a complete mess."

Jackie urged Pauline up and they went in her home.

After introducing Pauline to her parents Jackie took Pauline to her room where, after being given a hot coco she proceeded to spill her guts. And Jackie, true to her word, listened to all of it. All about her obsessions, her shyness, her loneliness, her crazed, degenerate perversions and finally, the fact that due to some utterly unintentional and unexpected cross dimensional screw up. The fact that she could hear her own subconscious mind. When Jackie heard this she finally interrupted, asking.

"Your subconscious, does it seem crazy?"

"Not really, so far she has been rather reasonable."

"She? Reasonable? Can you... hear it now?"

"No, when I'm around you it seems to vanish entirely."

"Is it like a disembodied voice? Or can you see it? Or....?"

"It's Brittney Wong, only it doesn't act anything like her. Wong is a stuck up bitch, this thing is the opposite. It seems really weird, nice but weird. And it calls itself Kolbri."

Jackie winced and replied.

"You have Brittney stuck in your head? Damn!"

"As I said, it doesn't sound like her, it just looks like her, and so far it hasn't been that bad. Crazy yes, but not bad."

Jackie looked around the room pensively and asked.

"And you can hear... it now?"

"No, it seems to vanish completely anytime you are around."

Jackie smiled brightly and announced.

"Well then the cure is obvious, dude, you need to spend more time with me!"

Pauline couldn't believe this reaction. She asked in an incredulous tone.

"Really, you, you want to hang out with me, after I told you all that? That, I'm cuckoo for coco puffs?"

"I'm not so sure if you are crazy, you have me curious. Certainly interesting enough to keep talking to you. Call it a favor I'm doing for you and the whole school. If I keep you happy, and help you get to the bottom of all this then hopefully you won't go all... nerd rage! on us."

"Um, you do know I wasn't actually serious when I said that I wanted to kill people, I just had fantasies about it. And if I did, I still wouldn't act on them, I'd sooner kill my self."

It was Jackie's turn to face palm. As those listening to Pauline often did.

"Dude, don't... kill yourself. And please stop making me tell you to not kill yourself."

Pauline got ticked, she felt defensive over a character flaw.

"Okay then dude! if that's what it is then tell me, what's your darkness? What hides in the depths of your subconscious? Give me one thing that could suggest that you are half as flawed a person as I am? Little miss popular! You, absolutely stunning manifestation of the female form. You sidewalk surfing chick with every ounce of strength I will never have. You, you! You! You, goddamn it! I can't even insult you without sounding like a creepy stalker!"

Pauline buried her face in Jackie's bed, squeaking out.

"Please, just show me you aren't perfect! Please!"

Jackie sighed. "Look, Pauline, I am not going to lie and say I don't have a bit of a better handle on this stuff than you do, right now. But that just means I am more used to sorting out which voices in my head to listen to, and which ones not to, and what to say back, when I really really need to. And well, dude, none of my voices look like Brittney Wong, which helps."

Jackie shook her head with an expression of mortification and continued.

"There is the voice that tells me that being a 'cool chick' is all anybody ever thinks of me, that being the popular chill one means nobody ever needs or wants to know anything more about me, the real me. Who are my close friends, Pauline?"

"Oh come on, people like you way more than I do. You, God, just look at you, just listen to you. Someone like you not having close friends? I just can't believe it."

"Nah, dude, everyone likes me, everyone thinks I am cool. Which is a good thing, I am not saying it isn't. But that doesn't mean they are really my friends. You want to know who my best friend is? ... Janna."

"Janna? Wow, and I thought having Brittney as an imaginary friend was bad..."

"Haha oh, come on, she is not that bad! That wasn't my point," Jackie corrected her. "My point is this: Who is Janna's best friend? Star!"

"But you said... oh,"

Pauline finally got it. A lack of depth, just admiring the images shimmering on the surface of the pond without bothering to look at what lied beneath. Jackie continued.

"I am everyone's favorite person, but no one's closest friend, Pauline."

"I'm, I'm, well," StarFan replied dejected, "It beats not having close friends and being unpopular."

"You are more popular than you think, Pauline. But, yeah, you are right, and I do have some good friends, just not that many close enough to know much more about me than you do already. Honestly, not a big deal," Jackie shrugged. "But that's voice number one."

Pauline stammered. "Not a big deal? Really, I'm that close to you after a less than a day of talking to you?"

Jackie smiled and continued. "It's more than that though, I worry that I will be too self-conscious to ever fail again at something, that means I won't be able to learn new things. I learned to skateboard as a kid, I fell on my ass more times than you can count and I made a fool of myself so many times, and it was worth it! But the idea of making such as fool of myself again terrifies me. Why do you think I liked Marco? Hell, why do you think I liked you approaching me the other day? You weren't afraid to try things that might end up with you making a fool of yourself... not that you did, or, at least... not for the most part."

Jackie gave Pauline a good natured chuckle and a wink. Pauline was well and truly speechless. Jackie continued.

"Ok, and on to the kicker: it seems, lately, that everyone who is interested in me... likes Star better. Which, I can get. Star is awesome. I said she was cooler than you. Well, she is cooler than me, too. And I actually don't mind that you like Star, as long as you genuinely like me too. But sometimes, only sometimes, there is a voice that whispers to me a few things I don't quite believe, but I also don't quite disbelieve. It whispers to me, that you guys are attracted to cool, and that if you can't have Star, you'll settle for 'cool number two', which is me. That you don't really care about anything else about me. And I know it is not true, but I do think it, sometimes. And there is a second thing it whispers... regarding the fact that I am ok with someone who loves both me... and also somebody else... let's just say it whispers that I am wrong, or lying to myself."

Pauline looked Jackie square in the eyes and whispered.

"I want to listen to you Jackie. I, I need to listen to you. I need to hear the echoes in your mind. If only to drown out the echoes in mine, you do so much more than that though. You help me make sense of the echoes in my own mind. I need to be your friend, I suppose that makes you the best friend that I have ever had. So, as, stuttering and imperfect and stalkerish as that is, I, I just want to say that I would like to be your best friend."

Pauline looked away and continued.

"But that's as much as I ever need from you, even if I do admit that I would really like to get my hands all over that gorgeous body of yours. I may be weak, but I'm strong enough to admit that I can control myself in your presence. Even if it makes me feel like I'm friend zoning..."

Jackie put her fingers on Pauline's lips and whispered.

"Hey, have I ever told you how much I hate that term?"

Pauline didn't want to say another word.

She opened her mouth and began sucking on Jackie's fingers.

Jackie looked amused by this fumbling attempt at sexuality. Pauline drove herself deeper onto Jackie's fingers.

It didn't take Pauline long to see that this was causing more laughter than gasps. So she stopped sucking her fingers and leaned in to kiss her on the lips.

Jackie stopped giggling and took on an expression of ease, and just the smallest hint of lust. Leaned back onto her bed and continued the make out session.

_"Brittney and Jackie in one day? Well, even if one of them was a hallucination... Am I a mac daddy now?"_

She couldn't believe how comfortable she felt doing this. How natural and effortless it was. There was no judgment, no resistance, just two sets of lips exploring each other.

Pauline pulled back and just looked at Jackie. She whispered in her ear.

"I want to tear your clothes off right now. But I know your parents are in the other room. I can't, I won't go any further. Not here, not now."

Jackie kissed her on the cheek and replied.

"Well then, what would you like to do?"

StarFan asked in the floweriest tone she could manage.

"Hold you and kiss you for a good long time."

Jackie gladly complied. Pauline was unfamiliar with being so close for so long to someone else. It just felt right. Everything about this moment, the setting, the company, the atmosphere. It was all just perfect.

If the occasional hand grasp at school had induced tingling electricity then Pauline laying atop Jackie, pressed by the force of gravity was like kissing lightning.

After awhile they rolled onto their sides and just looked at each other.

Pauline smiled and said, "what a view!"

Jackie chucked and replied. "Stop."

"Sorry, I can't I just can't stop with the compliments, apparently my subconscious just loves to compliment. And you are just so complimentary I just can't stand it."

Jackie smacked her with a pillow.

Pauline didn't flinch as she continued.

"Doesn't change anything."

Jackie chewed on one of her own fingers with an expression of utter amusement in her eyes and snorted out the words.

"You are going to have to learn to control yourself around me when we are in public if you want to still be StarFan13."

"I don't, I really don't, I know it could get us in trouble. But I want you more than I can describe, all of you, every last bit of you. I've given up on my life as it was. I've burned my bridges. The past is behind me and my future, is lying in front of me. And for the first time, I..."

StarFan leaned back and stared at Jackie's ceiling with a smile on her face.

"I feel good about it. I feel, comfortable, relaxed. That fear that powers my awkwardness, my shyness, looking at you, I don't feel it when I'm around you. I can't thank you enough for that, Jackie."

Jackie rolled on top of Pauline and kissed her one more time on the nose. StarFan just wanted to let her lie atop her for a good long time.

So she did, just staring into those gorgeous green eyes. With such a comforting, easygoing mind behind them, Pauline thought.

_"Marco how could you, how could you be so afraid? More afraid than cowardly little me. How could you be afraid of this? Just stammer and fall apart when this is looking at you?"_

After awhile Pauline got up and stated.

"We really have to do this again, sometime. I can sense it, just under the surface. I can almost hear your madness, I look forward to hearing all about it."

Jackie ran her hand through her hair in an impossibly seductive way. Speaking in a faux British accent.

"Well, we shall have to see about that won't we? Perhaps we will wind up running around having our own bunch of crazy adventures together in some other dimension."

Pauline laughed uncontrollably at the accent.

"I'm sorry, but have you ever heard of a show called Mighty Magiswords?"

Going back to her normal voice Jackie replied.

"No, can't say that I have."

"Well, you sound an awful lot like a character on that show when you speak in that accent."

Jackie leaned back and asked, "really?"

Pauline strode towards the door and solemnly stated.

"Yes really, and I'll have you know that character doesn't like wearing pants at all. And on that incredibly cringey note I should be going. I imagine it would look kinda suspicious having me over, unannounced, all night, on a school night."

"Nah, not really, my parents are pretty chill."

"Ooookay, let me put it another way. If I stay here I won't be able to control myself."

Jackie sighed and shook her head, "yeah, that probably would be pushing things a little too far and too fast."

Pauline giggled and said, "yeah, your parents may be pretty chill, but if they were that chill, well, let's just say that the authorities would not take kindly to their negligence."

Pauline walked back and leaned in for one more kiss, then left Jackie's home. As she walked away she felt victorious, confident, an unusual feeling for her. As she ran her hand through her hair she stated to the night.

"The strength I didn't even know I had, wow."

Her initial thoughts of how wonderful this evening was were soon eroded by her fears over what her parents would do when she got home. Various nasty scenarios played out in her head. But when she got home she found her parents were fast asleep in their bed.

She snuck in quietly and slipped under the sheets. She looked around for Kolibri for a moment. Her subconscious was nowhere to be seen. With that she fell asleep.


	6. Release.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kolibri and StarFan13 do a little percussive maintenance on StarFan's subconscious. Kolibri stretches her muscles and we meet StarFan's father.

Pauline awoke in a dream.

It was pretty obvious that it was a dream, at least to her.

She was leading a parade.

A profoundly odd parade. The parade was made up of a variety of fictional characters, real people and a few monsters tossed in.

They danced around the parade float that she was riding on with expressions of utter joy. The crowd lining the roads threw flowers at her feet.

Pauline asked, "oh Kolibri, care to explain what's going on here?"

Kolibri materialized by her side. She had a rapturous smile on her face as she almost shouted.

"I'm so proud of you, you actually talked to a real girl and it went perfectly!"

Kolibri kissed her on the cheek, Pauline replied deadpan.

"So, I take it this parade is for me then?"

Kolibri replied as she waved to the crowd, "you know it darling!"

Kolibri kissed her on the cheek.

Pauline looked down, she was holding a small bouquet of flowers. Not roses, a variety of different flowers, a rose, an iris, a daisy.

Pauline took a whiff of them and offered them to Kolibri, who asked in genuine confusion.

"Why?"

"You put all this on, and you were the one who pushed me into doing it."

Kolibri looked embarrassed as she took the bouquet. Sheepishly replying, "aw thanks. I'm so glad that you like me. But I... I..."

Pauline sighed, "okay what's happening?"

The parade faded.

Pauline and Kolibri were standing in front of a concrete dam. It had to be at least a hundred feet high.

Kolibri reached into the bouquet and pulled out a short pump action shotgun and explained what was going on as well as she could.

"This is a dam made up of your psychological defenses. Currently it is holding back a lake full of memories, energies and God only knows what else from the older you in the other timeline. I don't know what will happen if it is left in place. What I can say is that this defense is keeping you from moving forward in your life."

Pauline took a look at it and asked.

"What happens if it's destroyed?"

Kolibri stated, "you might gain the ability to use magic. All of the memories from the other you will flow to me. I will be able to process and use those memories to help you in your life."

Pauline asked. "So if I break this you will become more powerful?"

"Perhaps, I'm not sure, I don't know what's going to happen. I might go mad from the revelation. It's got me scared as hell StarFan, and I have no idea what to do. I just have a feeling that the right thing to do here is to blow it. If you don't it might dissipate on its own, it might start to rot. I just don't know."

"What's with the shotgun?"

"Oh, the older you is a huge gun nut. This is her favorite gun. Some of her memories have been leaking out."

"Well then why don't we poke a hole, let the memories through gradually?"

"That's what you will be doing by shooting it. We won't be swamped, but once the flow begins I don't think I can turn it off. As I said, I have no idea what is down there, but it won't come pouring out all at once."

"StarFan, uh, StarFan, what are you doing?"

Pauline had put her hand on the dam.

She felt what it was made of.

Fear.

That was the main body of the structure, fear. She understood why Kolibri wanted it destroyed.

"Kolibri, this thing is, this is why I haven't taken many risks in my life. This dam was here long before you were. This dam, this dam is all the psychoses I have that are deeper than you. Deeper than what you can explain to me. It served a purpose, but I don't think I need it anymore."

She looked at the shotgun.

"How do I work this thing?"

"There's a shell in the chamber, just keep pulling the trigger and pumping until it's empty."

Pauline aimed at the center of the dam.

She fired.

Cracks formed.

She couldn't help but think that a real shotgun probably wasn't this powerful.

She fired again.

A hole began to form.

Again.

Again.

Again.

One last time.

The shotgun was empty.

Kolibri stood beside her as chunks of rock began to shoot out of the hole she had made in the dam.

She handed the shotgun back to Kolibri, who placed it on the ground next to the flowers.

Pauline hugged her, asking as an ominous rumbling noise began to emerge from the dam. "Do you really think we can handle this!?"

"We will find out together!"

The dam opened.

A fountain of purple fluidic energy blasted out of the dam, falling right on top of their heads.

Pauline blacked out.

Time decided to flow very differently than it did in the waking world.

 

For Pauline the experience was mostly just a blackout, except for the occasional glimpse of something that looked like a memory of someone else's life.

She dreamt of Star, but not the Star she knew. A much older Star who had been through some serious shit.

She realized that it was the memories of a version of herself who had also been through some serious shit. This was no fairytale. The older Star and the older StarFan13 ground against each other. In every possible sense of the word. Their relationship was far more brutal than anything that the fourteen year old StarFan could ever handle.

When it was done she realized that though this wasn't her, it was a version of her who was tough as nails. A version of her who could handle anything that the universe could throw at her. A version of her who could keep up with Star Butterfly, or if need be, fight her to a standstill.

When she woke she saw Kolibri was already awake, pacing back and forth nervously at the foot of her bed. Pauline knew that seeing her subconscious, or anyone else for that matter in her bedroom was going to take some getting used to. She stated.

"Morning lover."

Kolibri blinked at her, asking. "Did... Pauline, how much of that dream do you remember?"

Pauline answered. "Enough to know that it wasn't a dream. That was someone else's life. In some other timeline we become quite the badass gunslinger girl with our own set of wings."

Kolibri took two steps towards Pauline and fell flat on her face, slamming into the floor, replying.

"Yeah, wow, it's... It's going to take awhile for me to process everything I saw there. It feels like we have been asleep for a decade."

Pauline got out of bed and started getting things together for a shower.

"Longer, we, we absorbed a whole lot of stuff last night. Now the question is how do we use it?"

Kolibri staggered to her feet, Pauline asked her. "Are you sure you can handle school today? You don't look so great."

"It's fine, I've handled worse."

Pauline asked in disbelief.

"Worse than that? Absorbing the memories of a version of us who went through all that crap! Since when have you been through worse than that? I think... I think that other me might have killed someone!"

Kolibri sat down on the bed and replied.

"Watching Black Hawk Down with Star, that was worse for me. You really put me through the wringer watching that. Wow, so many uncomfortable sensations, so many awful images. I mean did you see how Star's cheeks looked when all those Somalis got blasted by the Little Birds? Does that mean that Star is sexually excited by attack helicopters? Does that mean I am?"

Pauline didn't have anything to say about that. So Kolibri continued. "Anyway we aren't going to get anywhere by focusing on someone else's past. We have to move ahead, focus on the future. Process, digest, consume, learn."

Pauline nodded and replied, "but first, we need a shower."

The hot water of the shower helped get Pauline's head back in order. But that head was still overflowing with someone else's memories. Pauline rested against the tiles and whispered.

"24 Year old me, I swear that if we ever meet I'm punching you in the face! This is just too much for a fourteen year old. Oh god, I know what it's like to have a relationship with Star now! But it was so crazy!"

"Yeah it was, so crazy you have me now."

"Okay Kolibri, you can get in here if you like."

The projection of her subconscious glided effortlessly into the shower. As Pauline looked her over she asked.

"So can you affect the world around you?"

Kolibri replied, "well, we have established that you can feel me. But I don't think I can affect the outside world, I'm not that strong. At least not yet."

Pauline looked around and asked.

"Well, let's see how strong you are, go ahead, try to pick up that bar of soap."

Kolibri reached down, her hand went right through the soap. Pauline considered.

"Okay, that didn't work, how about this?"

She poured some body wash on her back, turned her back and asked, "care to try rubbing it around?"

Pauline could feel Kolibri's hands on her back. She could feel the soap moving around in ways that simply weren't possible unless some outside force was acting on her body. At least that's how she interpreted it. Kolibri couldn't keep it up though.

"This is, incredibly exhausting. I can't do this for..."

There was a surprisingly loud thud on the floor of the shower. Pauline turned around to see a very ghostly Kolibri collapsed at her feet. She asked with genuine concern.

"Are you okay?"

"No, not really, I'm definitely not strong enough to affect the real world, even if it is just moving water and soap over your skin."

Pauline smiled and helped her up into a hug.

"It's okay, you will be, someday."

Kolibri asked quietly.

"You, you want me strong enough to affect the real world? Most people are scared of their subconscious, terrified of imagining what it could do if left off the leash."

Pauline kissed Kolibri gently on the cheek and said.

"It's okay, you don't seem like a bad person."

Kolibri pulled back, smiled and dissolved completely into the steam of the shower. Pauline murmured.

"See you soon."

 

Once she was dry Pauline got dressed. She decided to wear something that she was more comfortable with. Her usual purples and light greens.

She needed to remind herself who she was.

Once she was satisfied that she was... Something close to her fourteen year old self she hustled down the stairs. Her father was packing for work. She asked an inevitable question.

"Where's mom?"

"I don't know, she got going really early this morning. She is acting kinda weird, weirder than usual. Did, did you say something to her last night?"

Pauline shrugged and replied as honestly as she wanted to, "nothing that I haven't wanted to say to her for awhile. If she wants to talk about it I imagine she will fill you in, it was kinda personal, you know, woman stuff."

Pauline's father grimaced and replied, "yeah, I probably don't need to know about that."

Pauline walked up to her father and hugged him.

"Yeah, but there are other things that you should know about. You know I have been using your gym equipment?"

"Ah, I was wondering who knocked the dust off of that."

Pauline backed out of the hug, looked at her smiling father and asked.

"We should work out together sometime, perhaps today after I get back from school. We never talk, I'm thinking I should get to know the guy I'm living with."

"The guy you are living with? That's an odd way of addressing your father."

"Oh come on, father? Who speaks like that? Seriously, how much do you know about me? How much do I know about you? We really should spend some time to get to know each other. Remember when we used to watch old episodes of King of the Hill together?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I don't want to wind up calling you Hank and I know you don't want to call me Bobby. So how about we spend some time together, get to know each other?"

"Wow, that's, that actually sounds really nice."

"Good, I'm going to take my bike to school. See you at six."

Pauline kissed her father goodbye, got on her bike and started riding towards Echo Creek high.


	7. Do I seem unbalanced?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In canon StarFan13 is about the most shy, kind, affectionate, downright mousy girl you will ever meet. Under that surface though lies a mania and obsessive nature which is somewhat alarming. 
> 
> Kolibri has brought that madness to the surface. 
> 
> And Brittney Wong is about to find out what happens when the mouse roars.

When she was about halfway to school Kolibri reappeared. Running alongside the bicycle she stated.

"Good job with your father, our father, um... Good job, but do you really want to go to school today?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Because you have always wanted to skip school, at least once?"

"Well yeah, but."

"But what, come on, let's do this! Let's skip! you seem to think I might be evil? I want to see how "evil" we can get?"

Pauline started pedaling faster as she crested a hill. She knew that there was no way Kolibri could keep up on foot.

Within moments Pauline noticed that Kolibri was keeping up. Because she had sprouted a set of hummingbird wings. Pauline stated, deadpan.

"So that's why you chose the name hummingbird. Okay, fine, we will skip school. But not today! I need to do something and I think you know exactly what it is."

Once again Kolibri dissolved.

Pauline got to school, as she was locking her bike she heard someone say in a high pitched voice.

"Oh, it's you again, what happened to the suit? Did you decide that you were done trying to act cool? Or are you still chasing after Star like a little lost puppy?"

Pauline got up.

She was face to face with Brittney Wong.

A hundred thoughts shot through her head, most of them being some variation of. _"I used to call myself a fan of her?"_

She had to be sure.

She grabbed Brittney's hand and shook it vigorously.

Solid, real, a living breathing human body. This wasn't some kind of weird trick by Kolibri. As soon as she realized that something that had been stewing inside of Pauline for a shockingly long time fell out of her mouth.

"Miss Wong, it's a pleasure to talk to you. My name is Pauline, but not all that long ago I called myself BrittneyFan13. I can't call myself by that kind of name anymore because I'm, well, I'm going through some things that you can't hope to understand. I look back on the person I was when I stalked you and I pity that kid. But you know who I pity more? you. I pity you because I have met someone who looks a lot like you but is nothing at all like you. Someone who is kind, charitable, patient and creative. And whenever I talk to that person I am reminded that you are so limited, so truncated. You are so defined by your precious, precious ego that you can't see that there is nothing on your life to make you as angry as you are all the time. That's what you are, anger, and I think the reason why I was such a fan of yours wasn't your wealth, your beauty, or even your popularity. It's the fact that you have no control over your anger whatsoever. And I wanted to be as honest with my anger as you are with yours. So revel in your anger, rejoice in your bitterness. If you hate me for being your stalker then I invite you to hate me with everything you have. Tease me, prank me, belittle me, if you want to you can even beat me up. But I can't live that way anymore. Whenever I see you now I will only think about the wonderful person you could be as opposed to the sad, angry, despicable, annoying person you chose to be. Perhaps someday you will be able to see past your anger. You might be able to become better than the pathetic little worm you are. But I doubt it. Good luck... Miss Wong."

Shocked expressions were on the faces of everyone who had seen this meeting. Pauline walked away from the bike rack. Brittney just stood there, unable to speak.

All Pauline could think about was lunch. Not because she was hungry, but because she knew that it would mean that she would meet Jackie again.

But when lunch came Jackie was nowhere to be seen.

Pauline was saddened by this. She thought it meant that Jackie was ducking her. That she had lied about spending time with her. Pauline took an out of the way seat in the cafeteria and slowly started eating her lunch.

Halfway into eating a pear a familiar voice spoke out cheerfully.

"Hey dude!"

Pauline smiled and replied, "I was worried, I thought you were ducking me."

"No, Skullnick just held on to me for a little longer than usual, something about a misinterpreted math equation. So, how are things? Anymore hallucinations?"

"Things are good, I think I'm moving forward. I had a good conversation with my father this morning. My mother is gone, I don't know where. But there's one other thing I did..."

Kolibri appeared, she wasn't supposed to appear when Jackie was around. But she appeared anyway, pointing behind her. Pauline turned around to see a very angry looking Brittney Wong walking quickly towards her with a bowl of piping hot chili in her hand. Pauline had just enough time to say to Jackie.

"Run for it, this is going to get really ugly really fast and I don't want you to have any part in this."

Pauline got up. Brittney hesitated knowing that she had been found out. Standing in front of Pauline at a distance of ten feet Pauline asked.

"Brittney, I can see you are mad, but how do you want to handle this? If you throw that bowl I'm going to have to hurt you... [putting on her best Jared Leto Joker impression] real badly."

Brittney screamed at the top of her lungs. "Fuck you bitch!" And hurled the bowl.

With her conscious and subconscious working together Pauline's reaction time was phenomenal. At a range of ten feet she easily avoided the flying bowl. However as it passed her it continued its trajectory, straight towards Marco Diaz.

The bowl shattered on his skull.

His head slammed into the table he had been sitting at.

Star was standing right next to him.

She was burned by the contents of the bowl spilling over the two of them. Pauline had a curious realization.

_"Huh, Marco has been badly hurt. I got my wish? Yay me?"_

Pauline had a vision. Brittney Wong was about to die. As soon as Star dealt with the chili all over her face, she was going to eviscerate Britteny. The emotions ramping up in Star illuminated something that Pauline couldn't have seen otherwise. The only reason why she was able to see it was because some of the abilities from the older her were unquestionably starting to come online. There was something deeply wrong inside Star's wand. There was some kind of a... Thing, an evil thing inside.

But Pauline would have to do something about that later, for now she could see that Star was about ten seconds away from losing all patience with miss Wong.

Unless Pauline acted.

Unless Pauline did something utterly unthinkable, even a few days ago.

Something that even the older her who had gone through all that crazy shit would have considered insane.

Pauline realized that as nasty as it was. This was still the less ugly option.

She picked up an empty lunch tray and swung it towards Brittney. Brittney had an expression of utter shock on her face. Pauline just mouthed the words.

"I'm sorry."

The tray connected. Two of Brittney's teeth went flying as she span around and fell face first towards the the linoleum. Pauline slapped the tray down on a table as Star scraped a fistful of beans off her face.

Star looked down at the unconscious Marco Diaz, she shouted.

"Marco! Marco? Oh no, Marco, Marcoooooooooooooooo!"

She raised her wand, Pauline could see the gates of hell opening. Star was going to hit Brittney with every spell in her repertoire all at once. Pauline used the tray to smack the wand out of Star's hands and drew her into a hug, whispering in her ear.

"I've already hurt her as bad as she hurt Marco. He will be okay, just, please. Don't kill her. You can't afford to kill her, she isn't worth it."

Star stammered, "I, I just, I wasn't... Grr, let me go StarFan!"

"Not until you promise not to kill Brittney."

Star roared.

"Okay fine, I promise not to kill Brittney! Now let me help Marco!"

Teachers and cafeteria workers streamed in. The various parties were pried apart. Marco came back to consciousness within moments. He had a nasty gash and a bump on his head but he was otherwise fine. After cleanup and reviewing security footage it was decided by the school authorities that Pauline had acted in defense of herself and others in preventing Brittney's attack from being much worse than it could have been. There would be no punishment for anyone, on the condition that Pauline and Brittney agree to mediation over whatever issues that they might have had.

Pauline had to take a shower and change clothes to wash the chili off that she had accumulated from hugging Star and helping Marco back to consciousness.

Once school was over Pauline nervously went back to the bike rack. She undid the lock quickly, anticipating an attack by one of Brittney's minions. She intended to use the lock as a weapon if need be. She felt paranoid as hell.

What she didn't understand was that everyone in school was terrified of her. Especially Brittney's minions. The way they saw it that creepy kid, StarFan13, had just been attacked by the head cheerleader and beaten her into unconsciousness with no more effort than closing a door. Then had defeated the most popular girl in school. A girl who had the ability to do magic, with a hug. No one in the school, even the teachers and administrators wanted to irk her.  

As Pauline clipped the lock onto her bike she looked up to see a particularly magnificent set of legs standing next to her. Pauline sighed and asked.

"Don't you know better than to sneak up on someone who is feeling incredibly paranoid, Jackie?"

"Sorry dude, couldn't resist. So, would you like to tell me why you knocked out the head cheerleader?"

Pauline secured the lock and replied. "Because Star Butterfly was going to murder her."

Jackie had never looked so serious, she replied.

"You don't know that."

As Pauline stood up she explained.

"No I did. You weren't far away. If you had seen the look in her eyes I saw you would have seen that she would have killed Brittney. As bad as it was for Brittney, I saved her life. Marco is Star's best friend; you don't just injure someone's best friend and cover them in scalding hot chili and expect to get away with it. Star is a person uses magic monsters to open her locker, do you really think she would have stopped until she tore Brittney in two?"

"Okay, but why did it have to be you who took her down?"

"Because no one else could have reacted in time and you know it."

Jackie asked in an incredulous tone.

"How the hell did you react so fast anyway? I know a thing or two about having a good reaction time but that whole thing took twenty seconds at most!"

"It's my subconscious, Kolibri again. I'm picking up some tricks from the older me but even without the older me's knowledge whenever Kolibri and I work together... It's like I can see the future, or at least probable futures. I don't think it's psychic powers or clairvoyance though, I think it's calculating probabilities. We calculated that the future where Star kills Brittney was a future that neither of us wanted to live in, so I changed it, and it turned out pretty well. I really thought that I was going to juvenile hall or something for knocking her out. But even that would have been a better outcome for me than seeing Star kill."

Jackie hopped on her skateboard, anticipating a ride over to Pauline's house. She asked.

"Do you, you think she has that little self control?"

"Jackie, you like Marco, how did you feel when you saw all that blood gushing from his forehead? If he had died right there and I handed you a gun, would you have avenged his death?"

"No, I'm... No I'm not that kind of person, but, yeah, I see your point."

"That's what I thought, now come on, let's go down to the pier. We can talk about all sorts of things besides the near death of Brittney Wong."

As Pauline got on her bike Jackie skated away anticipating that Pauline would catch up. When she did, Jackie asked.

"Just tell me one thing, did you feel bad about smacking Brittney?"

Pauline observed.

"You know, I really don't. In all honesty, it felt amazingly cathartic. Like I'm not the person I used to be. I'm sad that Brittney made me do it. That she is so crazy that she took a little constructive criticism that harshly. But I think she learned an important life lesson. That you should not go around and try to hurt people with hot chili. Payback is a bitch, and her name is StarFan13!"


	8. A little trip to the pier.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just talking... And a little demonstration that bicycles are faster than skateboards.

When they were about halfway to the pier Jackie asked.

"So, are you...? wow, I don't even know how to ask this."

Pauline replied, "ask what?"

Jackie took a deep breath and asked.

"Do you still want to... Be with Star?"

Pauline replied.

"Now Jackie, to quote Hank Hill. That's what's known as a loaded question. No matter what happens there a bullet in the chamber waiting to blow my head off."

Jackie stopped, Pauline stopped. Jackie rested her hands on Pauline's shoulders and the words trembled out of her mouth.

"I... I've been having a great time hanging out with you. But up until awhile ago you called yourself StarFan13. If... If you want to be with Star too, I, I mean I wouldn't be opposed to that."

Pauline's jaw dropped, "Jackie, that's, wow. I mean really, wow, I don't even know what to say except that it's sweet of you to offer. But that's not me. I couldn't dream having that sort of relationship, you alone are more than enough for me. I mean, I know I'm a fan of the harem genre, but I don't think I could handle a harem of my own. If I were to try to date you and Star, at the same time? I would feel greedy. Regardless of that, to be completely honest with you, I think I'm over Star."

Jackie backed up and asked in an incredulous tone.

"Over Star, StarFan13 is... Over Star?"

As Pauline started pedaling again she announced, "yep, why do you think I'm going by my own name?"

Pauline pedaled faster, purposefully going faster than Jackie. Jackie shouted, "hey wait, you can't just say something like that and ride away!"

Pauline rode off, vanishing into the distance. Jackie skated after her, faster and faster. Pushing her board with everything she had. By the time she got to the pier she was completely exhausted. Pauline was nowhere to be seen. Jackie looked around as she gulped in air.

"What the, how did she get away?"

A pair of hands grabbed Jackie around her waist. An exceedingly annoying sounding voice whispered in her ear.

"I got away because bicycles are a lot faster than skateboards. I wanted to see if you would chase me. A few days ago I never could have dreamed that anyone would chase me. That you are the one who is chasing me, well, I can't describe to you how much that turns me on."

Pauline kissed Jackie briefly on the neck, Jackie shuddered. "Jesus, you move like a frigging ninja! Um, as much as I like that you are making it all about me. What did you mean about you being over Star?"

Pauline let go and the two girls started walking down the pier. Once they reached the end Pauline turned around and took Jackie's hand. Consciously trying to replicate the odd imagery of the dream that had started this whole thing.

Pauline kissed Jackie's hand delicately and asked.

"Look around, tell me what you see?"

"Um, water, funnel cake, wood, sand, a Ferris wheel... pier stuff?"

Pauline shook her head and stated, "you are missing the obvious. Look around, what you see here is happy couples, people on dates, romance. A place like this is my idea of a fun date. Do you know what Star's idea of a fun date is?"

Jackie shook her head in the negative.

"The one... Date I went on with Star we stayed in and watched a movie. A movie that traumatized the shit out of me. I mean, it was a good movie. But I watched people get blown to kingdom come! helicopters crashing! It scared me, Star loved it. When she saw a hundred Somalis get shredded by attack helicopters her cheeks lit up exactly like they had when I showed her how Internet porn worked! You don't even want to know about some of the things that Marco has told me about their adventures in the wider multiverse. If that wasn't enough I have been getting more and more memories from the other me and a lot of them are really bad. The older Star in the other timeline is borderline psychotic."

Pauline pressed Jackie up against the railing of the pier and stared intently into her eyes.

"The other me has to take power and memories from Star just to stay alive. She is terrified of Star and has to fight her just to keep her under control. The other me is basically a leash for the other Star. I don't want to be a leash, I just want to love. And it seems that's what you want to do too. So, no Jackie, outside of a few websites I'm not StarFan13 anymore."

Pauline rolled away from Jackie, leaning against the railing herself she concluded. "That said I'd rather not call myself JackieFan13 unless you demand it."

She dropped to her knees, still holding Jackie's hand.

"I live to serve, my lady."

Jackie gestured for Pauline to get off her knees. "Okay, I can understand that, I mean I can understand as well as I can understand anyone having the... Issues you are having, so, tell me, what's the other you like?"

Pauline looked down at her feet and grinned, "I'm not entirely sure yet. The memories are fragmentary and mostly of Star. But the other me is confident, strong, a bit crazy, huge gun nut. She is living her own life in some other timeline up in Oregon. She grabbed Stars wand and learned how to do magic by absorbing Star's memories. That's how she... Made contact with me."

Jackie asked an inevitable question. "So, does that mean you can do magic?"

Pauline replied as honestly as she could. "I don't know, I might once Kolibri has finished processing the memories."

Jackie asked, "will you need Star's wand for that?"

Pauline sucked air through her braces and murmured, "probably, but I ain't touching that thing for awhile. I'm still way too much of a coward to even think about it and I think there might be some kind of entity inside that wand that I don't want to fuck with. I saw a glimpse of... Something nasty when Star almost went berserk in the cafeteria. I don't know what it is, all I know is that I don't want to expose my poor delicate subconscious mind to anything like that for a good long time."

"Well then, what do you want to do?"

Pauline reached down and picked up Jackie, holding her in her arms she announced. "I want to party! I want to travel, I want to learn new things, I want to be good and I want to be good with you! I want to stop talking about Star. This is my life, my story, not hers. The other me showed me that as long as I was obsessed about anyone's life but mine it wasn't healthy for me. That's what I love most about you, you have none of my obsessive nature."

Pauline gently put Jackie back on her feet and almost collapsed.

"But before I do any of that I need to work out a lot more. You are heavier than you look."

Jackie laughed and asked, "not that that wasn't fun, but why did you do that?"

As Pauline gasped in air she replied, "because... I wanted to... sweep you off your feet."

"Well, you have already done that. I mean seriously StarF... Pauline, you are just one surprise after another."

"Aw stop."

Jackie looked away, feeling almost completely overwhelmed as she continued.

"No really, I mean wow, you just won't stop with the bold romantic gestures."

"Ha, if you think all this has been bold, well, I've actually been holding back. Ever since I hit puberty I've been thinking up romantic scenario after romantic scenario."

Pauline climbed up on the railing, walking along it like a balance beam.

"My head is brimming with all sorts of ideas from all sorts of stories. I took gymnastics classes for a year, never really went anywhere with it. Mostly forgot about it until now. Now I'm just imagining what kind of trouble we could get in. You know, perhaps we could... Climb a mountain together?"

Jackie chuckled, "that's some pretty hardcore innuendo, dude."

"Innuendo? Whatever could you possibly mean? I'm just speculating as to what kind of fun two healthy fourteen year old girls can have together. It's not my fault you have such a dirty imagination."

Pauline jumped down and whispered in Jackie's ear. "And you do have an absolutely filthy imagination don't you?"

Jackie swooned.

Pauline caught her and kissed her deeply.

"Whoa, you go Thomas!"

Pauline and Jackie sprang up. Janna was standing not far away. Jackie spluttered in genuine embarrassment. "Janna, wow, um, didn't see you there."

Janna took a good long look at the scene and announced. "You know, I really don't know what to say about this, I mean, I'm... Seriously StarFan, what got into you lately? You clock Brittney with a lunch tray and now this?"

Jackie looked humiliated, Pauline walked over and grabbed Janna by the scruff of her neck.

"Janna, I'm going through some things right now. So let's be clear. One, everyone knows you are the biggest gossip in the school, two everyone knows that you are constantly going through everyone's stuff. So I'm going to make you an offer that I probably should have made to Brittney. Stop fucking with me and don't ever fuck with Jackie. Also if I hear that you have been going around spreading shit about either of us. I'm telling everyone what your favorite color really is. If you still don't back down, I'm throwing you off this pier. That's not a threat, that's a promise."

Janna replied, "whoa, I gotta admit, I'm liking the new StarFan."

Pauline let her down and concluded, "well you better, because I ain't leaving. Now if you don't mind Jackie and I were in the middle of a conversation?"

Janna threw up her hands and walked away. Pauline turned around, an expression of rage still on her face. Jackie looked petrified.

"Pauline, um, remember when I told you that Janna was my best friend?"

Pauline put her hands up and breathed, "sorry, I know that was wrong. But that chick has always gotten under my skin. I think it's my subconscious again, used to be I would just go cry in my pillow or do some passive aggressive thing when Janna got the best of me. Now whenever someone confronts me I just feel like ripping their spine out."

"What was that you were just saying about wanting to be good?"

"Yeah I know, but it's hard. I mean, I have a lot of issues to get through and wow, I don't know where this rage is coming from but I think the reason why my subconscious sent me after you was because if I hung out with Star we might do something really crazy."

"Like... How crazy?"

Pauline went back to leaning on the railing and whispered in Jackie's ear. "Last night Kolibri showed me visions of me doing bad things, attacking people with baseball bats, cutting myself. I don't want to do that Jackie, I'm pretty sure the other me in the other timeline did some horrible things. I did those things because I didn't have anyone to talk me out of them. I... I need you to talk me out of doing bad stuff, Jackie."

Jackie clapped Pauline on the shoulder and stated. "Done."

"You sure?"

"That's what friends do for each other. Regardless of anything else that may happen between us I hope you always consider me a friend, Pauline."

Pauline hugged Jackie and immediately started to cry. Jackie asked in disbelief.  

"Yo, um, what's this all about?"

Without looking up Pauline just stated, "I don't have many friends. This is the first time anyone has ever loaned me a shoulder to cry on, I can't tell you how much I appreciate this."

Jackie patted her on the back and held her closer. "If I have one regret in all this, it's that I didn't reach out to you sooner. I had no idea you were going through this kind of shit, Pauline."

Pauline cried even harder, "you caught me before I did something stupid, Jackie. That's what really matters."


	9. There is no security in obscurity.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> StarFan13 trains herself in some of the skills she feels that she will need as she goes through her life. In most unusual ways.

Pauline and Kolibri faced each other in the garage.

An expression of utter focus on both their faces.

Mirror images of each other.

They bowed.

Pauline attacked.

Kolibri danced around the first attack. Then the second.

"Come on Kolibri, how are we suppose to get anywhere if you don't let me hit you?"

"I don't know, how are we supposed to get anywhere if you just believe that you can hit me?"

Pauline's left foot went flying towards Kolibri's shin. Kolibri took the hit and fell on the floor. As she picked herself up Kolibri replied.

"Not bad, but, let's see what you do about this?"

Kolibri's fist went flying at Pauline's face. It contacted but the impact felt strange, like being punched with a feather duster. Still, Pauline reacted to the punch and kept on fighting.

This had been going on for hours. It was three o'clock at night. Pauline couldn't sleep, Kolibri was processing too many memories, there was no way that she could get calm enough to allow Pauline to sleep. Every moment was another revelation of some new and potentially useful fact. After processing most of the other StarFans college education, Kolibri had worked on memories of books and conversations that could be useful. She had prioritized what she thought was the most valuable information. Amid this ocean of knowledge there was one thing that Pauline had to clarify.

"When you told me that we should skip school, was that, was that because you knew that I was going to have that incident with Brittney?"

Kolibri danced around yet another barrage of punches and replied. "Sort of, the integration of our two minds isn't going to be the smoothest process. I didn't want you doing anything too crazy around other kids. I figured that you were going to do something. Had no idea that it was going to be that though."

Pauline backed off and said. "Thanks, and thanks for the warning."

"What if I hadn't given it?"

"Huh?"

"What if I hadn't warned you? What if Brittney had doused you with hot chili?"

Pauline answered honestly.

"I still would have knocked her teeth out. I just wouldn't have been so worried about Star."

They were working on what the other Pauline knew about hand to hand combat. Neither Kolibri or Pauline could process this information nearly so well if they were just sitting or lying down. They needed to struggle, to fight, in order to truly understand it they had to process this knowledge through their bodies. Both their bodies.

So for hours they had been in the garage, fighting. Pauline had some mats from her time as a gymnast that she had put down so they could slam her into the floor without getting hurt. Kolibri being a thought form could take any hit, no matter how hard.

The fighting continued, both combatants stripping off more and more clothing as the sparring went on. Despite her care with her body Pauline had acquired a variety of bumps, bruises and scratches. She really hoped no one was going to ask any questions about those.

"Why no officer, no one abused me. I just got these by fist-fighting my subconscious mind for five hours straight."

It had been a week since the dream.

Pauline was stronger than she used to be and she knew it. She was faster, more agile, way more confident. She was no longer pissed off at her older self. She respected her now. Respected how strong she had to become to handle what life threw at her.

It was what she had thrown at herself that upset her the most.

Pauline remembered now, no, remembered wasn't the right word, she learned where she had screwed up. Star left for Mewni, summer came and there was nothing. Nothing to distract her from the fact that the love of her life was gone. Her kid crush, her obsession had left, stopping just long enough to say goodbye and say that she had a crush...

On Marco.

As this dawned on the younger StarFan she grabbed Kolibri, putting her in a headlock. Whispering in her ear.

"She left me, I confessed my feelings to her at that slumber party. I held her and cried and she... Left me. She left me to die!!!"

Kolibri broke out of the headlock by dissolving and reforming. She tackled Pauline and drew her into a hug. Reminding her.

"That's not you, that's not you! Star is still here. We have plenty of time before she leaves."

"But I still want to hurt Marco, he got Star and he threw her away! I want to hurt him so badly!"

Pauline cried uncontrollably, hoping that her parents wouldn't hear. Kolibri reassured her.

"No you don't, you have Jackie now. You have Marco's prize, you know that will hurt him."

Pauline reached for a rag to blow her nose and wipe off the sweat.

She looked at Kolibri. Reaching out to brush aside the hair around her eyes she observed.

"You really are beautiful."

Kolibri kissed her. Then pulled back saying, "sorry."

Pauline jumped on top of her, pinning her to the floor. Kolibri pushed back, asking.

"Not that I'm not into this, but technically isn't this cheating on Jackie?"

"No, you are me remember? Unless you want to confess to something, like that you are actually an alien or an evil spirit. Go on, tell me that you aren't really a manifestation of my subconscious mind."

Kolibri reached up and locked lips with Pauline. They smothered each other with affection. The stink of sweat mixing with the various pungent odors on the floor of the garage.

Pauline forced Kolibri down, she was much more corporeal than the first time they had made out.

Kolibri rolled on top of her and licked Pauline's neck. The thought form felt the sweat merge with its energetic form. Sitting up she announced.

"I swear I am becoming stronger, I, I don't think this is good. I think I'm supposed to fade away as you become more sane."

Pauline grabbed her by the head and brought her in for more kissing before breathlessly whispering.

"I want you to clean every single drop of sweat off my body. You are too much fun to just let you dissolve. I want you stronger, I want both of us to be stronger. Now get to licking."

Kolibri licked, with every taste of sweat and energy she seemed to get stronger. This went on until Pauline pulled her head up into another kiss. Then Pauline pushed away for a moment and stared at that face.

The face of Brittney Wong.

That face she had once obsessed over.

She grabbed Kolibri firmly.

"You miserable fucking bitch, you think you can just ignore me for years then attack me with hot chili when I call you out on your bullshit!?"

Kolibri sighed and asked. "Pauline, how many times do I have to tell you that I'm not her?"

"Yeah, but you have her face, you chose that face all by yourself. You should be punished for that."

She pointed down, Kolibri assumed the position, lying across Pauline's lap. Once she was in a suitably submissive position Pauline started spanking her.

After awhile Pauline got tired of "beating up" her subconscious. Lying down next to her and gently kissing Kolibri.

Kolibri had a smile of profound satisfaction on her face. She kissed Pauline with no small amount of tongue. But as she did she dissolved again. As she vanished completely she stated confidently to StarFan.

"Now go take a nice cold bath and get some sleep, you animal."

 

The next day.

 

StarFan did her families laundry.

She had done so for years.

One of the first household task she learned how to do was how to operate a washing machine. She had been quite proud of herself when she did her first load of laundry. Her mother may have been almost completely out of the picture but her father had seen to it that his daughter would have at least some of the essential skills of modern life.

Her first day of being trusted by her parents with the laundry she learned a poorly hidden secret.

That her father owned a gun.

A semiautomatic pistol.

Pauline had noticed a black plastic box at the bottom of a sock drawer. She had opened the box, then immediately closed it and put everything back where it was. Burying it, out of sight out of mind.

It had scared her. The very existence of such an item had scared the crap out of her. That there was one in her house was just too terrifying to contemplate.

That had been a long time ago. The gun had lied there silently for a very long time. It might have stayed there until the Long family moved out of the house for whatever reason.

But this was not to be.

Pauline just had to see it again.

She was still processing her other selfs memories. The other Pauline had become a gun nut and she just had to know if this was her too.

She was still scared, petrified. But she had to know if she had anything in common with herself in another timeline.

She had tried to satiate her curiosity with YouTube videos, reading and other research. In her online probing of the world of firearms she had stumbled upon a Manga series called Gunsmith Cats which, while it wasn't the most well written thing she had ever seen. She couldn't believe the number, variety and detail of every single firearm portrayed in the series.

But it wasn't enough. Research can only get one so far, at some point you have to get your hands dirty.

She opened the drawer. She brushed aside her fathers socks. Inside was the box, inside the box was the object of her curiosity. A collection of machined aluminum and steel parts assembled together as a relatively compact and deadly weapon.

She reached into the box and lifted it out. Being incredibly careful not to touch the trigger or point the barrel anywhere near herself. She had seen enough movies to know which end the bullets came out. Yet despite all her fears and all the propaganda fed to her about these devices all she could think was.

_"Oh, that's it?"_

Kolibri appeared, she observed.

"Yep, that's a pistol."

Pauline asked, "so, what does the other me have to say about this thing?" Kolibri explained.

Well, first of all we must follow the four rules of gun safety at all times. One, treat all guns as though they are loaded. Two, do not let your finger touch the trigger until you are ready to shoot. Three, do not let your muzzle cover anything that you are unwilling to destroy. Four, be sure of your target and what is beyond it."

Pauline replied, "okay, so how do we make this thing safe?"

Kolibri launched into a Russian accent, "is gun, is not safe. But for this, well, based on the memories from the other you I think a good place to start would be to press the button on the grip to eject the magazine."

The mag dropped out of the gun.

Kolibri continued.

"Rack slide to the rear to check for a live round in the chamber."

Pauline did so, a round of 9mm fell into the sock drawer.

"Check."

"Lock the slide to the rear with the slide lock lever on the side, above the mag release, there."

"Done."

"Inspect the barrel for any obstructions."

"Check, it's clear."

Kolibri clapped her hands and and announced.

"Congratulations, you have now rendered this Beretta M9 as safe as an expensive rock. You can still kill with it, but only by using it as a club. It will not go bang until it is reloaded. Which is easy, you just reinsert the mag and pull back the slide all the way. Don't do that yet though."

Pauline asked.

"How does it work?"

"Bullets loaded into mag, mag feeds into chamber. Gun fires, cycles, cycle continues until you stop pulling the trigger. Either because the target is neutralized or the gun is empty. The you in another timeline didn't own a Beretta. She used a different gun that operated in a slightly different way. So I suggest you familiarize yourself with this things operations intimately before you even think of loading a bullet into the chamber. How the trigger works, slide works, safeties and so on. Dry practice with this thing for as long as you need to feel comfortable. Also note, this is a 9mm, make sure that the bullets it is fed are 9mms. Magazines do not interchange universally. If you recover a targets gun make sure that it is either identical to yours for usable mags. Or use the properly labeled ammo if the other gun is not identical. Mix and match components will not work. Everything has to flow together mechanically."

Kolibri dissolved, saying one last thing.

"If you fuck up with that damned thing I'm going to yell at you! That is not a toy little girl! That is a deadly weapon. You got it?!"

Pauline nodded and took the gun to her room. Leaving the magazine and bullets behind to further reduce the possibility of an accidental discharge. She put on her new pair of prescription sunglasses and posed with the pistol in front of her mirror. She couldn't help but think that she looked awfully cool with this forbidden item in her hands.

She went in her closet and put her white suit on.

She thought that she looked like a character from some cornball 80s action series that her father would have watched.

She racked the slide a dozen times to make completely sure that the gun was unloaded. She pressed down the lever on the slide, it caused the hammer to drop. She winced, nothing went bang. After awhile she figured out that the lever was a safety. If it was down then the trigger mechanism simply would not function.

Finally she worked up the courage to take the safety off. Place the gun against her mattress and ever so slowly, pull the trigger.

There was a loud click. But no bang.

She ran the slide to check if it was still unloaded, this time the hammer stayed back. She pulled the trigger again. This time was much easier. The trigger was much lighter and crisper.

Over the course of an hour, with the occasional break to watch an instructional video the Beretta gave up its secrets. Pauline still didn't know if she was a "gun nut" like she was in the other timeline. But she knew how at least one model of gun worked now. Perhaps someday she could talk her father into taking her out shooting. If she could experience the noise, flash and recoil of a firearm that would probably confirm it. For now she was just fascinated with the mechanics of this curious device.

Long before her father came back from work she returned the Beretta to its box.

She engaged the safety.

She slid in the magazine.

She did not rack another round into the chamber.

She buried the thing back under a pile of socks and went back to her room to get started on her homework.


	10. Questionably canon.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a grand total of one person on this planet who will understand the true depths of how deeply depraved this chapter is. To that person I say, there are several very good reasons why this chapter is in this story. 
> 
> Quite simply, StarFan13 needs to learn some things that she can't learn any, other, way.
> 
> Doesn't make it right though. Not by a loooooong shot.

She wasn't herself.

She was and yet she wasn't, she couldn't help but feel that this was yet another cross dimensional screwup. This wasn't like her normal dreams, it was too boring. She was just paying bills.

Pauline had never been bored in a dream before. Ever since Kolibri showed up her dreams had gotten more fun with every passing day as she indulged in the memories of the other her. Who lived a life which was, for all its flaws, beyond her wildest fantasies.

This wasn't wild, this was just boring.

She could read, she had heard somewhere that you couldn't normally read in dreams. But she could read her own name as clear as day on the bills that she was paying.

Her clothes weren't anything she knew that she owned. The house she was in was nice, but unfamiliar.

There was a picture of Star, her, and their friends in battle hanging nearby.

_"No wait, that's not a picture that's... an oil painting? The other me fought in Mewni? Hey, Kolibri! Are you here?"_

_"Kolibri? Where are you? I think I need help!"_

The doorbell rang.

She went to the door.

There was a young lady outside, she kinda looked familiar, she bore a striking resemblance to someone cosplaying as Snow White.

The... person outside was evil. She could see some kind of dark energy radiating from her. That thing outside was some kind of predator or parasite. An incredibly powerful and old one.

The body she was in went from bored to horny.

_"Wait, this doesn't make any sense."_

Scared, angry or perhaps even curious she was anticipating, but horny? And hungry too? With the occasional thought of Caligula or Dracula?

_"What the hell? Are those my thoughts? Or... What?"_

StarFan saw herself check everything she would need for an ambush. Weapons were hidden everywhere in this house. She had gotten used to the fact that the other her was crazy prepared.

She looked in a mirror.

As she suspected she was in the body of an older version of herself. The grown up version she had seen in that cross timeline accident, perhaps. No, she didn't think this was the same one, this might have been a variation, she didn't know.

The other her started taking off her clothes. Standing naked before the mirror. She picked up a magic wand, it kinda looked like Star's wand. Her cheeks started to glow, lighting bolt insignias. At first she thought that this was a sign that she somehow wasn't a version of her.

That hope was dashed as she used the wand to transform herself into who she was now.

StarFan13, fourteen year old StarFan13. Right down to the Purple Hearts on her cheeks and horned headband.

Her instincts were spinning out of control. Bloodlust, a howling bloodlust waiting to be satiated.

She crossed her legs and put a finger in her mouth trying to suppress the absolutely insane desire flowering within her for the creature outside.

She trembled in ecstasy, overwhelmed with anticipation. She had never felt so damn horny in her entire life.

She looked into her eyes in the reflection, as if she was "showing off the goods." To the younger version of herself who was witnessing all this. Taking a moment to revel in her younger selfs agony as she pulled on a bathrobe.

Of all the things that the other her could have showed her this was the worst. As she looked at herself in the mirror, barely able to control herself she seemed to notice that there was as extra pair of consciousnesses looking through her eyes. She said to anyone who might be watching.

"That's right I'm you! You were evil all along! Now, watch me do the most incomprehensibly evil thing you have ever seen in your life!"

She couldn't hold back for one more second. She licked her lips and threw open the door. Presenting herself, neck first! to the creature outside. It was time to have some fun!

"Who are you?"

"I'm Paula, are you looking for Star? She isn't here, so who are you?"

 

She woke up in a cold sweat. Kolibri was kneeling on top of her, hugging her. As soon as they realized who each other was and where they were Kolibri whispered harshly with tears in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry, I couldn't get to you. I was trapped, I couldn't, I'm sorry that wasn't me, I swear to god that wasn't me! That was something else entirely! I couldn't have imagined that, I just couldn't. Aaaaaaarrrrrrgh!"

Pauline whispered.

"I know, it's another... Thing from another timeline, come to bed."

Kolibri laid down next to Pauline and kept screaming. They were both thankful that her parents couldn't hear those screams. Kolibri just wanted to scream for all eternity after seeing what they had just seen. She had been trapped, unable to interact with Pauline. Unable to control the dream in any way as she had been forced to fight that... Thing! She wanted to throw up until she turned inside out. Pauline gently stroked her hair and gently kissed her neck.

"It's okay, it's okay Kolibri. It's okay, it wasn't you, it wasn't me, it was just... Some other version of me in another timeline."

"But it was you, it was me. It took our form! It used our body to do... What in the holy fuck was that?! Please Pauline, please don't make me do that again, I can't handle it. It was just so much pain, I couldn't stop throwing up. How can a thought form throw up!? It was so weird and disgusting! I just..."

Kolibri screamed again. Pauline held her tighter and kissed the back of her neck.

"It's okay, it's over now, scream as loud as you want, I'm not going anywhere."

She couldn't help but observe, "here I am being the strong one for my subconscious mind. Isn't it supposed to be the other way around?"

Kolibri kept on freaking out and Pauline kept gently comforting her through it as well as she could. Continuing to hug and kiss her oh so kindly. Continuing to reassure her that, whatever the fuck it was they had just experienced, it wasn't the fault of anyone here. In time Kolibri's screams of horror ebbed into tears of sadness and the two of them fell back to sleep.

 

 

When Pauline met Jackie the next day at lunch Jackie immediately noticed something was up. The fact that Pauline was unable to eat was a dead giveaway. She was just sitting there looking at her lunch, still trembling softly.

Noticing her friends obvious shell shock Jackie asked.

"Okay dude, what happened this time?"

Without looking up Pauline whispered.

"I had another vision of an older me in another timeline."

"And I assume it wasn't good?"

"Really bad, I can't describe how bad. So much pain, so much blood!"

Jackie blinked and sat down opposite her, asking in shock.

"Blood! Are you okay?"

Pauline took a deep breath and continued.

"Physically I'm fine, the other me didn't get hurt either, but the other chick, ugh, and poor Kolibri! I don't think she can talk to me for awhile without trying to rip her own eyes out."

"Spill."

Pauline looked in all directions and whispered in Jackie's ear.

"I... I ate a vampire."

"You... Ate a vampire?"

"I think the vampire might have been Snow White."

Jackie asked in obvious confusion.

"You... Ate a vampire, who looked like Snow White?"

Pauline backed off and replied in a more calm tone.

"Well it sounds crazy when you say it like that! I dreamt that I was in a house by myself. Star wasn't around, I was just paying bills, doing grown up stuff when this... woman knocked on my front door. I lured it into the house. I offered myself up to it like a, like I was bait! It tried to hurt me, kill me. With this big scary serrated sword, so I..."

She shuddered out the words.

"So I shot it, chained it down, tortured it and... Ate it. I really went to town on that thing! I ate the evil out of it. I, I'm, I can't describe what happened, but... Here's the thing, the other me has this technique she used to help Star. She... For lack of a better word, revved up Star until the excess energy in her body came out like a solar flare. You know what those look like, right?"

Jackie nodded, the image of energy bending and flaring above the sun formed in her minds eye.

"The older me would grab that energy out of Star and break it. When it broke, it was wonderful. It was like fireworks. She, I, whoever, would get a burst of power and the memories within Star that were bound to that power. With this... Vampire it was different, the energy wasn't like a solar flare. It was like, I don't know, sinew? Twine perhaps? The energy that powered its body was inside it so I had to... I had to..."

Pauline started breathing irregularly, Jackie reached out and took her hand. That calmed Pauline down just enough to finish the description.

"I had to carve it open and sever the energy with my teeth. I ate the evil out of it, like a... Like it had its own evil organs and oh god, it's insides were held together with wire. Really tasty wire. Wires radiating out of its heart, it's dark, diseased, so incredibly cold, dead, absolutely delicious heart! I couldn't stop eating! I screamed at the top of my lungs, "I'm covered in your filth and I love it!" It tasted so good, I couldn't stop myself and I didn't want to. Before I could eat its energy I had to hurt it, badly, I, I carved it up like a turkey. I, I was, it was like I was all the worst possible aspects of myself all at once. All my rage, all my obsession, all my perversity, all my... My curiosity!"

Pauline was shaking visibly now.

"I enjoyed it, I went beyond yandere on this thing. I kept eating and eating. I didn't stop until I had turned it into a human. Only I don't think it ever was a human. Anyway, once I turned it human I gave it a bath, a change of clothes and a death threat and sent it on its way."

Something about that second to last comment struck Jackie as particularly odd.

"You, gave a vampire a bath?"

"Vampires smell, haven't you ever seen Blade? And I made an awful mess of things. There was blood and black bile everywhere. This was, it was not a sexy vampire fantasy, this was like a horror film. But the "monster" was indestructible, it could take so much more punishment than any mortal. So I didn't just kill it like you are supposed to kill a monster, I punished it, I punished it for its crimes. I made it feel all the trauma that it had dished out to its victims to stay alive. I saw it lose all hope as I made it clear that it was doomed. And I reveled in that hopelessness, I... I felt like I was balancing out the universe. I rejoiced in its suffering."

Jackie looked Pauline in the eyes and asked in an utterly confused tone.

"You turned a vampire into a human? Um, Pauline, that sounds like you were... Balancing out the universe."

"Not the way I did it, it was disgusting, weird and really sexual. I mean really really sexual! I was, I think I was experimenting on it. Even the Nazi experiments at Auschwitz weren't this fucked up. I, I, I did something horrible Jackie, and I enjoyed every second of it. Eating that vampire, it was like something out of a... Fantasy I didn't even know I had. That something like that is hiding inside me, that I could even imagine something like that and not throw up. Well, I suppose I did throw up. I couldn't stop throwing up, but it wasn't puke, it was like... Blood and energy and bile and I... I."

Jackie grabbed Pauline's hands tighter and whispered sternly.

"It happened in a dream, dreams don't count."

"I don't think this was a dream, I think this was another timeline. This was someone who I might become. I mean this, person, no, it was me. The worst part!? The worst part was that before she lured the vampire into the house she turned into me. She knew I was watching! She turned into her fourteen year old self, me! Purple Hearts on her cheek, headband. She..."

Pauline gasped, she forced out the words on the edge of tears.

"She, called, herself, StarFan13! When she was talking to the vampire, she, she called herself StarFan13!"

Before Pauline could start crying Jackie interrupted.

"That wasn't you!"

"What?"

Jackie took on a serious expression as she explained.

"You look like you are about to die. And it sounds like Kolibri is even more fucked up than you are. You keep talking about how you enjoyed this so much but it doesn't look like you enjoyed it one bit. If this... person, really is you from another timeline... you don't know their life, you don't know what they went through. Your mind is the sum total of your experiences. How do you know that this, person, wasn't, I don't know, the victim of some horrible crime? Someone who would have reveled in this kind of evil? Just remember, it, wasn't, you!"

Pauline looked down, wiped away the tears and smiled, stating.

"We must make our own light."

"What?"

"Something I said before I started feeding on the vampire. "The most terrifying fact about the universe is not that it is hostile, but that it is indifferent. But if we can come to terms with this indifference, then our existence as a species can have genuine meaning. However vast the darkness, we must supply our own light."

Pauline looked down at the hands that felt like the only thing holding her up at the moment. She wanted to kiss those hands so badly. But there wasn't a high school in the country that didn't frown upon kids making out in the cafeteria. Pauline continued.

"It sounded like me, it looked like me. It talked to me as a separate entity. I know it wasn't me, but... I'm still freaked the fuck out about it."

Jackie nodded solemnly.

"That's probably a good thing."

"I love you Jackie, more than I can possibly describe. I... I can't thank you enough for being my light."

Jackie smiled and replied.

"Aw, I love you too... StarFan13."

Pauline chuckled, almost involuntarily. She looked around, making sure that no one was watching. She gave Jackie a quick kiss on the hand. Whispering in her ear, right on the edge of crying.

"I really don't know what I would do without you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> StarFan13 is a fictional character, and my version, Pauline Long has some important differences with the canon version. In whatever timeline or multiverse she is in. But regardless, since everything I wrote on A03 is to become a better writer. And in becoming a better writer I like to be able to explain my processes... 
> 
> Let's just say that I feel very guilty about making StarFan13 watch this. 
> 
> And for the record, I would NEVER force an actual person to go through anything like this.


	11. Feed me Jackie.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OK, last chapter was kinda messed up. How about we try something really fluffy and just a touch kinky here. 
> 
> Though no less intense.

"Do you want to hang out tonight?"

"I'd love to, but I've been putting off my homework for too long. I'm thinking I'm going to have to pull an all nighter just to get caught up."

"My parents aren't home."

Pauline snuck out of her room, made a brief stop in her kitchen. Then jumped on her bike and booked it towards Jackie's house.

As she arrived she nearly wiped out on the gravel in Jackie's driveway. She propped her bike up against the fence, walked towards the front door, and immediately collapsed onto the floor as soon as she turned the knob.

Within moments Jackie was standing over her, asking.

"Dude, did... Did you ride straight here at full speed?"

"Yeah, pant, I probably shouldn't have done that. But I wanted to prove that I had the grapes to be your girlfriend."

Jackie giggled.

Pauline reached into her pack and pulled out a clear bag of green grapes.

Jackie started howling with laughter. Pauline stammered between gasps.

"I was hoping, we could have some fun, with these, once I... catch my breath."

Jackie stopped laughing, looked around and said, "okay."

Jackie took Pauline to her room and dumped her on a beanbag chair. Standing in front of her in a tight fitting blue shirt and an even tighter fitting pair of jeans, Jackie asked. "Soooooo, is there anything you want to see?

Jackie stretched a bit, pointing her chest right at Pauline's eyes.

"Something round, firm, supple, and liable to end up..."

She stopped talking for an agonizingly long time as she leaned in really close to Pauline's face as she whispered the words.

"inside your mouth?"

Pauline replied, still exhausted.

"I still think we are a little early in our relationship for that. Besides, I'm still, phew, completely exhausted. Can we start with something that doesn't require delicate, precise physical movements?"

Jackie pulled back and thought for a moment.

"Okay, how about you try reading my mind?"

"Read your... Jackie, I can't read your mind. Apparently I can't even read my own mind!"

Jackie bowed her head as she chuckled, then gave a smoldering "come hither" stare.

"Come on, you told me that Kolibri tells you everything you want to know about her or the other you. And you told me about reading Star's... I mean the other Star's mind."

Pauline grew genuinely nervous as she said.

"Jackie that wasn't mind reading, that was... Well okay it was... Actually I'm not sure what it was? Technically I think it was reading energy, not telepathy. And the other me only did it twice, and one of those times was really gruesome."

Jackie started spinning her hands around each other.

"Come on, I'm not asking you to literally open me up like with the vampire. Let's just do what you said you did with the older Star. Reading her energy, which had the same effect as... Oh come on dude, just read my mind! Imagine how much time we could save if we learn to read each other's minds."

"Yeah, and I told you the other Star hated when the other me did that! The other me and the other her wound up having a lot of nasty arguments because the other me kept poking around in the other Star's mind. She..."

Pauline went silent for a full minute as she caught her breath.

"The other Star considered it mind rape."

Jackie sat down on her bed and hung her head, continuing.

"I'm not going to fight you, I want you to do it. It's not mind rape if I'm willing. But if you have to call it that then fine!"

Jackie's looked up, her expression became serious, as serious an expression as Jackie had ever expressed. She locked eyes with Pauline and grimly demanded, "I give you permission to "mind rape me!"

Jackie grabbed Pauline by the shoulders and practically growled a demand.

"Come on! read, my, damn, mind!"

Pauline simply couldn't believe it. Perhaps it was the fact that she knew so much more about this... Technique than Jackie did. But she couldn't believe that anyone would be willing to submit to this. Mainly though it was the realization that Jackie apparently hadn't been kidding about being someone who no one truly knew. The realization that Jackie really was as desperate to make a genuine connection with another person as StarFan had been.

Pauline threw up her hands and stated.

"Aw jeez, okay! but I warn you I have absolutely no idea what is going to happen. If you start shooting fireworks out of your hands or I start growing wings and speaking in a big booming voice that claims to be God then that's on you, okay!"

Jackie chuckled, she leaned back and made a "bring it on" gesture. Pauline took a deep breath as she commanded.

"Lie down on your bed."

Jackie did so.

Pauline moved her chair next to the bed. Sitting next to Jackie she asked out loud.

"Kolibri, I know we have an arrangement when it comes to Jackie, but I could really use your help right now."

Kolibri materialized on the opposite side of Jackie's bed, Pauline asked.

"Well, how do I do that thing that the other me did to Star?"

Jackie looked around and asked in a cheerful tone. "Is she here?"

Pauline pointed towards her. Jackie looked in her direction and announced.

"Hey, um, NotBrittney, it's nice to finally meet you."

Kolibri leaned in, inches away from Jackie's face and asked.

"NotBrittney?"

Pauline had to ask an explanation.

"She wants to know why you call her NotBrittney."

"Oh, because you look like Brittney, but don't act anything like her. Ooh, I feel something! is she, is she breathing on me?"

Kolibri pulled back, grinned and stated, "one of these days we are going to have to have a face to face conversation, miss Thomas. Till then, what are we doing here Pauline?"

"Jackie wants me to do the energy thing that the other me did to the other Star. So how do we do it?"

Kolibri looked over Jackie and stated. "You don't. The other you was tripping balls on the most powerful psychedelic known to man and Star had more pent up energy and emotional issues than an exploding nuclear plant run by three Jeffery Dahmer's and a dozen Woody Allen's. This girl is completely compliant, relaxed and nowhere near as loopy as Star. While you are... Well, let's just say that I don't know any way to send you into that particular state of consciousness right now. For one thing I don't think you could handle it. We have no wand and no 5meo, so no fireworks."

"Then what do I do? She wants me to read her mind and the only way I know to read someone's mind is to do the thing!"

Kolibri shrugged her shoulders and concluded.

"Well, since you can't do "the thing!" Perhaps you could try... Observing her?"

Jackie lied there with an increasingly anxious smile on her face, still anticipating... Something really weird.

Pauline took a deep breath and began making symmetrical hand gestures. At first nothing happened, Jackie just lied there and observed these symmetrical motions with some curiosity. Then she felt something.

Jackie belched.

She replied, "sorry, so sorry, I swear I didn't mean to..."

She belched again.

"I'm so sorry, I don't know what's wrong with, ah holy monkey!"

Jackie felt something, an internal warmth that she had never felt the likes of before. She belched again and started to hear a weird cracking noise.

Coming from inside her.

Jackie groaned in pleasure. Inexplicable energies rising from her esophagus. Pauline stopped, she had no idea what was happening. She knew it was unlikely but she was terrified that something akin to one of the explosions that she had seen happen with the other Star would happen.

Jackie realized that whatever was being drawn out of her was not being taken anymore. She grabbed Pauline by the wrist and dragged her on top of her. She exhaled, "whatever it is you are doing, keep doing it!"

Pauline stammered, "I'm not sure if I should."

Jackie growled, "if you don't then I'm kicking you out of here." She grabbed Pauline by the collar and drew her in for a kiss. She whispered in Pauline's ear firmly. "Keep going!"

Pauline kept gesturing, her motions becoming ever more fluid and fast. Jackie closed her eyes and felt, something break inside her. It was like she had something in her chest that Pauline was somehow pulling loose.

Every now and then Pauline would stop to observe. As soon as she did Jackie would growl. "Keep going." Sometimes adding a curse word or two.

Pauline could barely comprehend this behavior. It was completely unlike the other Star. Star held on to everything, Jackie was giving it all away. She was learning things about Jackie, though she had no idea if it was really mind reading, or perhaps just observations based on information.

Like she was becoming a lie detector machine.

Jackie groaned in pleasure, something big had broken inside her. Her chest lifted off the bed. Before Pauline could react she had switched their positions, Jackie pinned her down and gave her the weirdest kiss she had ever experienced in her life.

It was more like an energy transfer than a romantic gesture. Random fragments of Jackie's memories washed through Pauline's mind. Pleasant memories mostly, a few unpleasant ones. Pauline tried to pry her way out of it, but Jackie refused, pinning her down. Force feeding her this energy.

Pauline couldn't take anymore. Kolibri appeared and tried to pull the two apart. But as soon as she made contact the energy transferred to her as well. Only much faster.

Kolibris wings shot out.

She stood bolt upright.

Then she was blown clear across the room.

An effect which would have been recognizable to anyone who had seen someone grab onto a high voltage wire in a cartoon.

Jackie heard something hit a wall at high speed. A momentary distraction as she continued to make Pauline take it. Make her take everything she had kept hidden.

Pauline's breathing became erratic.

Jackie reluctantly pulled their faces apart.

Jackie stated, "thank you." Then rolled them back into their previous position. She licked her lips and between heavy breaths stated. "Come on dude, is that all you got?"

Pauline took several deep breaths, looked down at Jackie, then looked over at Kolibri.

The projection of Pauline's subconscious mind was twitching and flopping around like a fish. Pauline was scared, then Kolibri shouted. "No, keep going, I'll get through this, just, wow, keep going!"

As she twitched and spasmed from what they had taken from Jackie.

Pauline realized that she had to change things up somewhat. So she brushed aside Jackie's hair.

There were so many things in that ear.

Pauline was about the only girl she knew who didn't wear earrings. She was too much of a wimp to punch a hole in her own ears.

It had actually been one of the more subtle things that attracted her to Star. That they had that in common. Although she had learned that was because, while earrings were not unknown in Mewni. They were frowned upon if only because they might get infected or caught on something in a fight.

Pauline asked Jackie. "I'm going to do something even weirder than that. Just bear with me, okay?"

Jackie was genuinely curious what would happen next.

Pauline reached towards Jackie's right ear.

Oh so delicately Pauline removed the bolt in her upper ear.

The hoops in her upper ear.

The stud in the middle.

The first safety pin.

Then the second.

Without any jewelry in it Jackie's ear looked like Swiss cheese. Mangled and incomplete.

Pauline leaned in and kissed the ear.

Jackie shrieked.

She pushed Pauline back.

The sensation on her ear had been like some kind of fucked up mix of pain and pleasure. Jackie's hands shot towards her ear as she stammered out the words.

"What, what the hell was that?"

Pauline replied kindly.

"As I said the other me doesn't read minds, she reads energy. That was me attempting to pull pain from you. Look at my ears, not a single hole in them. I was curious to see what yours looked like. Then I was curious to see what they felt like. It was something completely different from my ears. They are fascinating. But I shudder to think how painful it must have been to punch all those holes into that beautiful ear of yours. You take such good care of yourself Jackie, but yet... your ear, your poor ear. Whatever did it do to deserve that kind of treatment?"

Jackie had switched gears completely. There had been so much pain in that moment. It also didn't help that Pauline was talking in such a detached, clinical tone. Pauline asked.

"Would you like me to continue?"

Jackie nervously replied.

"Yeah, okay."

She lied back down.

Pauline held up one of the pins.

"This has three meanings I know of. Safety pins can be really useful for a bunch of things. But displaying one on the body means one of three things."

StarFan closed the pin and held it near Jackie's neck.

"Worn on the lapel, it identifies one as a coward. A seeker of "safe spaces" who is "triggered" by hurtful words. Someone who can't stand free speech."

She held it near Jackie's arm.

"Worn on random spots on a coat it identifies you as a 70s vintage punk rocker. Someone who proudly gives zero regard to what others think about them. Not my kind of music, but I can respect that sort of persons courage. As a person, I think Johnny Rotten is one of the bravest people I have ever heard of."

Pauline opened the pin.

"When worn punched into the body it identifies someone as being into pain. A popular look with dominatrixes. So, you wanted me to read your mind, which kind of safety pin wearer are you? A coward? Someone who gives zero fucks? Or someone who wants to dish out or receive pain? I can't read your mind, but I can read your body. You are going to have to work with me here. I'm not the other me. I don't have Star's wand, I'm not tripping all the balls on the most powerful hallucinogen on this planet. Answer me, but please, for both our sake, please be truthful."

Jackie closed her mouth.

She couldn't speak.

Pauline took the pin and ran the sharp tip across the metal of her braces. Jackie couldn't believe how profoundly disgusting yet erotic it looked. Pauline reveled in the confused expression on Jackie's face. She took the pin away from her mouth and started lowering it, closer and closer, to Jackie's chest.

Right before the point made contact with fabric Jackie recoiled, held up her hand and announced, "I, I can't answer that. I'm sorry, I know you wanted an honest answer. But I just can't give you one right now. Can we, can we discuss something else? Anything else!?"

Pauline closed the pin and put it away. She reached over to Jackie's other ear. It only had a single small hoop earring. Pauline removed that one too, announcing.

"You put up a pretty face, everyone likes you. But, as you told me, no one truly knows you. You don't want people to see what ugliness might lie behind that ravishing face of yours. So you put up a fence, a small, strange little fence around a delicate and vulnerable part of your body."

"But you hide it, you hide it as a challenge for someone to come find it. To see the fence for what it is, just a fence. You want someone to jump the fence. And not chicken out when they see something that is not stunningly beautiful. When they see the holes, when the see the incomplete parts of you. When they see the things that make you nervous and scared. Even your imperfections are fascinating. And yet they are unknown, they are hidden behind so much physical beauty."

Pauline put away the pin.

"You hide your weird bits, yet you leave them in a place where any outside observer can see them. Because you have to. Because you have to inform the world that despite all your living by the rule of cool, you are still a freak. That you really are special, just like everyone else."

Pauline took a moment to let things sit and continued. "On the face of it you are walking perfection. You are gorgeous, polite, charming, so incredibly nice. But it's your flaws I can't get enough of. It's your broken parts that drive me wild!"

Pauline stared deeply into Jackie's eyes as she whispered.

"You are so pretty Jackie, so pretty I can't stand it. But if we are going to have anything resembling a long term relationship I am going to have to see your ugliness, your pain, your suppressed aspects. You, you have lived a life without much pain, haven't you? Then something happened, I don't know exactly where or when and you found that you liked pain. But you are under the impression that anyone who likes pain is a freak. That's one of the reasons why you are drawn to me. I have a lot of pain."

Jackie grabbed Pauline by the hair and pulled, hard. Jackie had a look of utter rage on her face. She wanted to take StarFan and smash her head against a wall, shrieking. "How dare you, how dare you assume what I am, what I am capable of!? How dare you try to reach out to the parts of myself that I have..."

Her fear, her shrieking fear of failure. Her shocking loneliness. And below that something that she didn't even want to acknowledge was there. Something that seemed like it couldn't be a part of her. Something so alien and wrong to her, something that everyone had told her that she was not allowed to have. That no one was allowed to have in this day and age, but especially a girl.

Rage.

Her rage.

Not at any one thing. Just a nebulous anger that Jackie had denied for so many years.

An anger which had grown in the deepest depths of her subconscious like a mold.

Pauline didn't wince, a profoundly warm smile crept across Pauline's face. Jackie pulled harder, seriously contemplating throwing a punch at that smiling face. Kolibri could see through Pauline's eyes, that Jackie's shadow self was becoming manifest. Pauline allowed her to reach out gently to Jackie's face, forcing out the words amongst the pain of the hair pull.

"There you are, beautiful. Now, tell me, you hidden, forgotten, abandoned thing. What do you want to do next?"

Jackie realized that there was no way that she was going to shock Pauline into stopping. This buried part of her wanted to be set free, to wreak havoc. Jackie became terrified, she knew that she couldn't trust her subconscious as much as Pauline apparently trusted hers. Jackie pulled Pauline into a passionate kiss. The deepest kiss that Pauline had ever experienced.

Jackie pushed her back and asked. "You said that you were pulling pain out of me, do it, pull it out of me, pull it all out!"

Pauline smiled, and ever so gently brushed aside the hair over Jackie's right ear and lowered her lips just above, she whispered.

"Aw, you want my heart Jackie? That's so touching, even if the look on your face says that you just want to eat it. But if you want me to eat your pain I want you to do one favor for me, one huge favor."

Jackie nodded in the affirmative. Pauline asked.

"Are you sure you don't want to hear what it is first?"

Jackie shook her head in the negative. Feeling more and more nervous with each passing second. Pauline explained.

"If you feel like screaming then scream, if you feel like like crying then cry. As loud as you like. If you want to punch me than go nuts! But don't say stop until I'm done, okay. Unless you truly can't stand it."

Jackie nodded.

Pauline whispered one last order.

"I want you to think your most evil thoughts. I want you to delve into your deepest darkness. I want you to hate me with every fiber of your being because I'm about to inflict a lot of pain on you. I want you to imagine every single nasty thing that you could do to me in vengeance. Because I'm about to destroy a small part of you. Let me feast on your hatred."

Pauline locked her mouth onto Jackie's ear and started pleasuring it.

To Jackie it was the weirdest sensation she had ever experienced. And by a generous margin, the most intense. Pauline seemed to be using the holes in her ear as a drain for things buried in her mind that Jackie didn't even know were inside her. Pleasures and pains untold, ignored, suppressed. Now being released as Pauline's tongue danced across the holes in her ear.

Jackie couldn't stand it.

She grabbed Pauline's arm and was about to break it. She was going to beat her to a pulp. She was going to use her significant musculature advantage to beat Pauline silly.

But before she could do that something else broke inside her again. Pleasure balanced out the pain.

Jackie couldn't hold it in any longer.

She screamed in agony.

Then she started sobbing.

Then she screamed in ecstasy.

Pauline locked on to her, fingers and toes. Fingers around arms, feet in a leg lock and kept on pulling.

It was madness. Utter madness, Jackie wanted to kill, she wanted to eat. She wanted to create, she wanted to destroy. She wanted to nail a perfect landing after completing a grind down a 500 foot high stairway. She wanted to cleave a monster in two. She wanted to fight demons in the depths of hell. She wanted to pull someone out of a raging river. She wanted to skydive, shoot a cannon, ride a motorcycle clear across California. Pound a mugger into the ground until her fists bled.

It was like she was doing that all at once.

And she wanted to share it with Pauline.

Every insult and exaltation she could imagine flew from her mouth.

When the crying finally started to subside Pauline released her lips from Jackie's ear. She kissed Jackie's neck with utmost affection and whispered.

"You wanted me to read your mind? Well here's my best effort. You just want to be loved... don't you? All of you, not just the surface of the pond, but the depths. I really enjoy swimming in your depths, that's where the most fascinating things lie."

Jackie nodded through the tears. She had never felt so vulnerable in her life, Pauline gently ran her hand through Jackie's hair, knelt down and kissed away the tears. Once they were gone she said.

"You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen."

Jackie was trembling. She reached for a tissue and blew her nose. She could feel her ego, her cool girl persona beginning to reassert itself.

"Nice pickup line dude, but I think you already have me in the palm of your hands."

Pauline rolled onto her side and picked up Jackie's left hand. Kissing it softly she stated.

"That was no pickup line, I mean it. You are perfection."

"Oh come on, I'm a blubbering mess with a bunch of anger issues I didn't even know I had."

"Don't apologize, your rage is simply delicious. This is mostly Kolibri speaking but, she feeds off of the imperfection of others. That vampire thing was like being force fed a hundred McDonald's hamburgers. You are like the most delicious little chocolate truffle either of us could ever imagine. A tasty little thing that the both of us would suck in for hours. Now, you tell me..."

Pauline put Jackie's hand down.

"What is it?"

She moved around, putting her head above Jackie's in an inverted position.

"That I'm thinking about right now? Miss Jackie Lynn Thomas?"

Jackie couldn't hold it in if her life depended on it.

"I want to kiss you."

Pauline smiled. "Jackie, you are simply one of the most awesome characters I have come across. But, seeing as how I would like to keep this PG-13..."

She reached for the grapes.

"I was thinking that since you trusted me enough to permit me to practice an unfamiliar, unorthodox and most certainly not FDA approved medical technique. That I would roll over here, open my mouth and role play as a Sultan. And that you would be my tasty, utterly compliant, ravishing, slave girl. And feed me those grapes I brought, one at a time."

Jackie started laughing insanely. Pauline replied in a super serious tone.

"I don't see what's so funny? now chop chop, slave girl."

StarFan13 opened her mouth and licked her lips sensuously.


	12. Vulnerabilities acknowledged.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein StarFan13 takes a fall. 
> 
> And admits to some things she is not all that proud of.
> 
> And Jackie politely listens to all of it. Much to StarFan's surprise.

Pauline woke up to something that she would hardly have imagined ever seeing first thing in the morning.

The back of Jackie's head.

She delicately sniffed Jackie's hair. The faint sent of some kind of shampoo that she couldn't quite recognize. Somewhat apple scented. Beneath that a scent that seemed to hint at a surprising strength.

Pauline just couldn't keep her hands off of Jackie's body. Perfectly toned from years of physical activity.

Pauline took another sniff.

In the blink of an eye Jackie was on top of her, pressing her chest onto Pauline's face, asking.

"Get a good whiff?"

"Mn, humph, drod farf, eeeegh!"

Jackie lifted up.

"What was that?"

"I said, I would be, but it's hard to take a whiff when you can't breathe."

"Oh, sorry."

"I'm not."

Pauline switched positions and resumed the position. After awhile Jackie's giggles tapered off. She lifted up her head and asked.

"So, it's the weekend, what do you want to do today?"

"Usually I go to the skate park to practice and meet up with friends."

"Okay, let's do that."

"Really? You don't know anyone there."

Pauline cheerfully replied. "Exactly, I need to get out more. How far out would it be for me to hang out with a bunch of skaters. I told you last night, I want to get to know you."

"Okay, but this goes both ways Pauline. I want to learn more about you too."

Pauline took another deep sniff and said, "first half of the day we do your thing, second half we do my thing?"

"That might work, just let me do one thing first."

Jackie grabbed Pauline's head and took a deep whiff of her hair. Pauline couldn't help but say. "Okay, from this side that does seem kinda creepy."

Jackie pulled her in for a kiss and stated.

"Fun though."

 

Pauline and Jackie rode off to the skate park. As per usual Jackie on her board and Pauline on her bike. When they arrived Jackie waved at the kids who were already there and rode straight into a concrete bowl.

Pauline stopped and watched Jackie do her thing. Naturally she had seen Jackie ride before. But she had never seen her do too many tricks on her board. Pauline had no idea what any of these moves were called, but she marveled at her skill and economy of motion as she launched into flips, rolls and quite a few other moves.

Pauline parked her bike and just watched Jackie ride. Pauline couldn't imagine that she could be more in lust with Jackie's raw physicality, but somehow she had drawn even more lust out of the nerd girl.

Pauline couldn't help but feel that she was getting a hell of a show. Yet no one else here seemed particularly curious about Jackie. Evidently these performances were a regular enough occurrence that the other skaters didn't see it as anything special.

Jackie built up speed and launched her self out of the bowl. Skating aggressively up to where Pauline was watching. She kicked her board into her hands, clicked off her helmet and panted out the question.

"Wanna try?"

Pauline looked around and stated.

"Eh, why not? after what you said about learning new things I probably should."

Pauline grabbed the board, jumped on it and skated away. She found it a little hard to believe that she could skate in a straight line. She attributed it to her insanely fast reflexes and perhaps her gymnastic training. She looked at the bowl and drifted towards it.

As soon as she crossed the rim she proceeded to fall flat on her face. Straight in, her hands and knees taking most of the damage.

Once she stopped sliding she rolled over. Looking at herself she noticed that she had completely ruined her pants and lost quite a bit of skin on the palms of her hands, knuckles and shins.

Jackie and the other skaters ran over, there was a young man with a first aid kit. Pauline smiled at the memory that he was the one who complimented her suit the day she had bought it. It distracted her enough that she briefly forgot the pain. As she bled all over the concrete and Jackie's board Pauline observed, deadpan. 

"So, not as easy as it looks?"

"Holy crap dude! are you okay?"

"I don't think I have ever experienced this much physical pain in my life. I think I can handle it. I'd give you your board back, but I think I have already left enough blood on it."

Jackie rolled away the board as the kid with the first aid kit began applying rubbing alcohol to Pauline's wounds. She grimaced, but withstood the pain without crying out. Once she was properly bandaged Jackie asked, "so, um, do you want to go home?"

"Home? no, I'd much rather see you skate."

"You sure? You look pretty banged up."

"Eh, gotta toughen up, and what better way to do that than by bleeding a little."

"Okay, but I'm not going to skate anymore, I want to keep an eye on you."

Pauline smiled and asked, "aw, that nice, but that just doesn't seem right. I want to see you skate more."

Jackie held up the bloodstained board. "Yeah, I'm thinking that we should probably call it a day I should take this somewhere I can hose off all this blood."

Pauline smiled and said, "okay, but you gotta appreciate the irony of this."

"Irony?"

"I'm a part of your board now, you won't ever be able to wash all that off."

"Creepy, but, yeah... Hmm."

Pauline and Jackie went over to Pauline's house. Pauline explained that her father was usually off playing golf on Saturdays while her mother was off doing... Something, she didn't often say what.

Jackie hosed the blood off her board and they headed inside. Jackie asked, "why haven't I seen your room yet?"

"Because it took me awhile to take down all the pictures of Star that were all over my walls. Thought it would be a bit creepy having you see all that if we were making out."

Jackie sat down on a couch in the living room and said, "oh really, how do you know that I don't have a stack of creepy pictures of my crush somewhere in my room?"

"Marco?"

"Marco! No, it's this cute guy from skate camp!"

"Really, what's his name?"

Jackie hesitated.

"I... Don't know."

Pauline shook her head and lied down with her head in Jackie's lap.

"If you think you can match my creepiness you are going to have to really step up your game. If I was obsessing over some boy I would have his name, his likes, dislikes. I might even do a full data mining exam on him like Janna does. I'd have a list of celebrities who looked like him, I'd ask a bunch of questions about him to his friends, I'd. Jackie, please shut me up I'm back in stalker mode."

Jackie lowered her finger over Pauline's face and announced. "Nope, I'm just going to let you talk. Now, tell me everything you know about me."

Pauline frowned and announced, "not too much really. When I started chasing after you I just took a look at your social media accounts. Nothing untoward, nothing creepy. To be honest you fit a very nice profile."

"And what profile is that?"

"Young, strong, cute, physically attractive and moderately popular girl from California."

Jackie asked in a strangely distant tone.

"And your profile?"

Pauline was caught unawares, she didn't really have an answer to who she was. She covered her face with her hand and blurted out the first thing that came to mind.   

"Creepy, obsessive stalker chick with braces and an annoying voice."

"You are very honest Pauline, but there's more to you than being a stalker."

With her hands over her mouth she squeaked out.

"I know, I'm an obsessive nerd, I have lots of brainpower and no idea how to use it."

"Really, even with all the incredible stuff that you have been doing lately?"

"I figure that's mostly Kolibri's doing."

Jackie ran a finger absentmindedly through Pauline's hair and stated  

"Perhaps, but perhaps she is just an excuse for you to do all sorts of things that you have always wanted to do."

"Yeah she is. She is really cool. Every day, no, every minute of every day she teaches me something new. I don't know what I'm going to do with this information. But it's incredible. It's like the secrets of the universe are opening wide for me to see. But you want to know what I'm most thankful to her for?"

"What?"

Pauline reached up and gently touched Jackie's face.

"Getting me to talk to you."

Jackie had an expression of shock on her face as she squeaked out the word, "really?"

"Yes really, I would have probably lost my mind dealing with this on my own. If I had gotten Star involved, ugh, I probably would have been turned into a monster by now. Talking to you is what has kept me sane through all this. You really are my best friend Jackie, I can't thank you enough for that."

Jackie sniffled a bit and said, "oh come on, you are way stronger than you think you are. There must have been someone..."

Pauline rested her hand gently, then firmly on Jackie's shoulder, explaining.

"No it had to be you. No one else would have understood, no one else would have listened. Ever since I had that... Vision? dream? Whatever it was I have been wondering why was I holding your hand before the other me showed up. I think it's because you represent balance. You are my counterbalance. I'm obsessive, possessive, unpopular, ugly. You counter all these traits. You balance out my obsessions perfectly."

Jackie felt herself tearing up. "Don't, don't call yourself ugly, please."

"But I am, I'm a walking bundle of pubescent cliches!"

Jackie got up from the couch and walked silently to a nearby bathroom. She came back with a hairbrush. She removed the bands holding Pauline's ponytails and without saying a word she began styling Pauline's hair.

Jackie pulled out a hand mirror she had brought from the bathroom and asked, "do you still think you are ugly?" 

Pauline smiled and couldn't help but say. "Well, I thought I looked pretty good, then I saw all that metal on my teeth."

Jackie kissed her neck and stated, "you won't have those forever. Your voice won't be a cracking, screeching mess forever. This is just you coming out of your chrysalis. But hopefully it won't be as intense as when Star went through muberty."

Pauline got sad for a moment, explaining why she was sad.

"I remember when that happened, I got upset when Star didn't throw me in one of those cages."

Jackie blinked, recalling the horror of that day and asked in disbelief.

"You... You wanted Star to beat you up and capture you?"

Pauline replied wistfully.

"Not just that, I wanted her to do so much more than that."

Jackie snapped.

"Tell me."

"Huh?"

"Tell me, in detail what is your fantasy with Star. If she was coming after you in full muberty bug rapist mode, what would you want her to do to you?"

"Wow, okay, well... I suppose it would have started off with Star... in butterfly mode of course. She would grab me and throw me against a locker. She would throw me so hard that the locker would bend, it would..."

She looked over to see that Jackie really was listening.

Pauline grabbed Jackie's wrist, not to stop her but to confirm that it wasn't Kolibri in disguise. She couldn't believe that Jackie was acting like this.

She was there, physically there. This wasn't a dream, this really was Jackie. She kissed Jackie's hand and returned it to where it was.

"She would have slammed me into a locker. Then she would have dragged me down to the basement of the school. Where she had those purple cages that she made. Marco would have been there, you would have been there, Brittney would have been there. You would have all been forced to watch. You would have been forced to watch as she... She."

Pauline moaned in delight as Jackie shifted closer.

"Star would have ripped my clothes off, then she would have started kissing me all over."

"Mm, like this?"

Jackie started kissing Pauline's neck.

"Yeah, just like that, but it wouldn't have, aaaaah! Stayed like that, she would have worked her way..."

Jackie's hands started roaming all over Pauline's body.

"But here's the kicker. I wouldn't have treated it like a rape. While every boy in school was wailing in agony and confusion I would have been moaning in pleasure. I would have illustrated to them that I was stronger than them. That I could take that assault and... And."

Jackie stopped kissing and groping, she sat on Pauline's lap, staring intently into her eyes, asking.

"And what?"

"And I would have ridden Star in her butterfly form like a bronco! I would have made her my bitch! I would have taken her down with my sheer sexual prowess and oh my god I'm completely insane aren't I?"

Jackie rested her hands on Pauline's shoulders and asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I... I just confessed that have... Had! fantasies about being raped by Star Butterfly. That's, that's some messed up shit!"

Jackie sniffed and asked.

"What would you say if I told you that I had even crazier fantasies than what you described? As weird as that was at least you were talking about a girl you have chased after for months. Do you have any idea how much I've wanted a boy to show as much interest, or even half as much interest in me that you have over the past few days?"

Pauline asked.

"You want to be desired?"

The words shuddered from Jackie's lips.

"More than you can imagine."

"Now, to someone like me that seems inexplicable. Whenever I see you I can't help but feel that you are desire! You are so frigging hot!"

"Hm, says you, I've kissed a couple boys. But they always back off. That doesn't make me feel very hot."

"Aw, that's just because you are so hot it scares them. Once we get past that skateboard chick facade you are a surprisingly intense person miss Thomas."

"Really? Why do you say that?"

"Because you are straddling me right now with a look of raw hunger in your eyes."

Jackie looked around. She stammered.

"Wow, um, lost track of where I was. I'm sorry."

Pauline concluded. "I'm not."


	13. StarFan13 V Oskar Greason.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A deeply held pile of resentments boil to the surface of StarFan13s mind in a most dramatic way.

As time passed since the dream Pauline had good days and bad days.

This turned out to be one of the bad ones.

It didn't start off too bad.

Pauline had left her house but didn't quite know what to do next.

She had made up her mind that she was gong to do something bad. Just to see if she could. She was going to start small though. She was just going to skip school today but she had no idea what exactly to do with her time. Go to the beach? The park? She was so used to just going along with what everyone else asked that she had no hobbies of her own that didn't involve either sitting quietly in her room. Staring at a screen, or a book, or following other people around.

She didn't want to let herself be defined by others anymore. Even if one of those others was simply the most lovely person she had ever met.

As she wandered around Echo Creek was spooked at the thought of encountering a police officer and being detained. She had heard of truant officers, but she didn't think they still existed.

Perhaps they never did?

She moved around Echo Creek as stealthily as she could. She made a game out of it. The girl who had spent most of her life as little more than a background character tried to fade completely. Determined to improve her already ninja like sneaking skills.

After a couple of hours of this, she got bored and meandered back towards school. She would show up, make up some lame excuse for her lateness and try to forget that this whole thing had happened.

But as she walked through the parking lot she heard something unexpected.

"Hey."

She looked behind, somehow she hadn't noticed him.

Perhaps she hadn't noticed him on purpose.

Pauline almost started foaming at the mouth when she saw him.

Amongst the memories of the older Star and the older StarFan13 there lived a particularly painful moment called the slumber party. Wherein StarFan and Star had lied to each other.

StarFan had lied about some awful brownies.

And Star about something much worse.

Star claimed that she had a crush on Oskar Greason that night. She had been lying but StarFan had been hurt the worst. That Star hadn't admitted to liking Marco. Star hadn't been honest and it had nearly cost them their lives.

Yet, what had stung the most was that when StarFan had said that she loved Star. Not a crush, love, that she had said back that she loved Oskar Greason. That had hurt, that had wounded StarFan badly. She didn't admit it at the time, but it had been one of an number of things that had festered inside her.

Pauline walked up to Oskar and looked him over. " _You lucky bastard, and you don't even know how lucky you are do you_?" She thought.

Pauline stated.

"Hello mr Greason, nice to talk to you, been awhile, hasn't it?"

"Yeah... I think the last time we talked was the, ugh, candied bacon incident?"

"Oh right, ha! Another one of Star's little culinary misadventures, right?"

Oskar looked a little queasy at the memory and explained

"I kinda had to move back in with my mom for awhile because of that. So, StarFan, how come you are so late for school?"

"I don't know, I tried to skip school today, but I don't think I have it in me."

Oskar chuckled and replied brightly.

"Oh, well, if you don't think you had it in you, you should have talked to me first! If there's one thing I know it's skipping school."

Pauline looked around, "and yet, here you are in the parking lot."

"Well, I park anywhere else I'll get towed."

Pauline looked at the collection of busted up parts that Oskar called a car and asked.

"Uh, huh, well, does this thing work?"

"Uh, transmission is still fucked up from that little flight that Star took me on. I fixed the axles, but it looks like the tranny is toast."

"Okay, hmm."

Kolibri appeared, oh so briefly behind Pauline's shoulder. She whispered.

"Fight him."

"What!?"

Kolibri explained.

"Have a sparring match with him. Beat him into the ground, he has so much energy inside him , but it's all pent up and going nowhere. He isn't using it, let me use it. Let me have some of that inexplicable charisma of his."

Pauline sneered at this rather odd behavior by her subconscious and replied.

"I'm not going to..."

"Um, who are you talking to?"

Pauline realized she and been talking out loud.

"Um, that's, well, my subconscious is talking to me."

Oskar didn't seem even the slightest bit fazed by the news that StarFan13 could talk to her subconscious mind. He simply asked.

"Oh, cool, what does it want to do?"

"For some reason, she wants me to fight you. Not a serious fight, just a little sparring match."

"Fight me? I haven't been in a fight in years. But if it is just sparring, okay."

Pauline blinked in surprise and asked.

"Really? Don't you think that's weird?"

"Yeah it is weird, but... you don't actually want to hurt me do you?"

"No, not at all."

"Okay, let's do that. I've got nothing better to do. Star is all about fighting, I've been thinking about her a lot lately. Perhaps you could tell me about her?"

Pauline reluctantly nodded. They walked together off to a quiet place near the school where they wouldn't be bothered.

Pauline was terrified. She realized that she had never felt very strongly towards Oskar one way or another. He was certainly good looking, but that pretty face came with the baggage of a level of laziness that she just couldn't tolerate and she detested his alleged music. If there was one thing that she couldn't stand about him it was the fact that she was insanely jealous that Star had a crush on him.

Even though she was "over Star" these buried feeling were overwhelming Pauline. By the time they had found a suitable spot where no one could see them Pauline had already plotted his death three separate ways. There was so much jealousy. The feeling that Oskar had been given so much and that he was squandering everything. That seemed like a worse crime than Pauline could tolerate. She thought to Kolibri.

_"What the heck? When did I turn into such a high strung elitist?"_

Kolibri shrugged and continued to walk behind the two of them. Analyzing Oskar's every movement.

They found a nice, hidden spot with thick grass. Their clothes might get a bit mussed. But neither of them was going to get hurt if they hit the ground hard here. Pauline stretched, Oskar just stood there with a polite smile on his face.

Pauline bowed.

Oskar retuned the bow, in a somewhat confused manner.

Pauline held up her hand and announced. "Ding! Round one!"

Oskar sent the signal to his hands to make fists and put them up in a defensive position. Before his body could carry out that order Pauline had closed the distance between them and punched him right in his chest.

His hair was blown out of his beautiful eyes.

It hurt.

It was the worst hurt he had ever experienced.

Like someone had thrown a bowling ball at him.

He gasped and collapsed to his knees.

Pauline asked, "what gives? you are bigger and older than me and you are a boy! I didn't even hit you that hard."

Oskar groaned out the words, "this hurts, this hurts bad."

Pauline simply couldn't believe that he had gone down so easily as she shouted.

"Get up you wuss!"

He collapsed to the ground. Groaning in agony and gasping for breath.

Pauline leaned over him and said something that she remembered from her other self.

"Let me tell you something that I think you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there. You, me or nobody is going to hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit, it's about how hard you get hit and keep moving forward."

Oskar groaned out, "I can't, I can't take this. I can't take the hits."

"Why not?"

"I just can't okay, I'm not a fighter."

"Why not?"

Something cracked inside him. For the first time in memory he raised his voice to a high pitch.

"I'm just not!"

Then he continued in a much more somber tone.

"I'm not... okay."

Pauline sighed and prepared for another attack.

"Oskar, this is going to hurt, as much as this seems like a violation, I'm doing this for your own good."

"You sound like my mother."

"Well, someone has to be."

Pauline sat on him and started making symmetrical hand gestures. It was much easier this time, practicing on Jackie had really helped.

Oskar had energy blockages all over him. Pauline reached for the biggest one she could find and pulled. He groaned, then screamed in agony. He shouted, "what, what are you doing!?"

Pauline explained.

"You are a layabout. You barely move and when you do you move without purpose. I'm going to help you find purpose. Wether you like it or not. Now, you can either hold on to this blockage, or I'll have to hurt you."

"Hurt me? aaaaaagh!"

This pain eclipsed the pain of the punch. It felt like she was pulling his spine out. He passed out from the pain as something unexpected happened.

As Pauline pulled on the big band in Oskar's spine it pulled more blockages along with it. It was much bigger than anything she had pulled out of Jackie. It was more like what the other her had pulled out of Star. The energy that was buried inside Oskar was far greater than anything that Pauline could have imagined.

Pauline almost started crying, "so much talent, so much potential, squandered. Well, not anymore!"

Pauline stood up and kept on pulling. Oskar held on to the blockages as long as he could but by the time Pauline was five feet behind him he couldn't hold any longer.

The bands broke.

The energy exploded.

Some of it went to Kolibri.

Most of it went back to Oskar.

He flopped around like a fish as an absurd quantity of power distributed through his body. He rolled onto his back and started spontaneously making his own symmetrical hand gestures.

After awhile he stopped, he looked at Pauline.

Someone was standing beside her. He asked in disbelief.

"What the? Is that, Wong?"

"No, this is my subconscious mind, Oskar, meet Kolibri. Now, the two of us have hurt you very badly and I'm sorry about that, what are you going to do next? I don't think you are in any position to call the cops. I suppose you could run back to your car, or you could..."

Oskar roared and put up his fists. He charged Pauline. But before he could get to her Kolibri kicked him in the stomach.

Kolibri tipped her hat dramatically and took two steps back as Pauline stepped forward. She confidently stated, "yeah, if you want to get to me, you got to get through her first. Also, she is really good at using your own energy against you so if you want to keep fighting..."

Kolibri put up her fists. Oskar leapt back to his feet and charged.

What ensued was Kolibri fighting in the most stylistic manner possible. It wasn't enough that she had the edge in speed, skill and could move like no human with a body. She wanted to humiliate Oskar while looking as cool as possible. Oskar lunged out with every single fighting move he had ever seen on TV. When he threw a punch she deflected it with two fingers. When he tried to do a crane kick Kolibri just kicked the presented leg away. When he tried to karate chop her she dissolved, reformed and chopped him right in the neck. He even tried a few moves from pro wrestling. Kolibri had a lot of fun with that.

Pauline could see that this was something that Oskar wasn't enjoying. Yet she was delighted to see him moving, to see him passionate about something. Even if it was beating her up.

Finally he tried to pick Kolibri up and drop her on her head. Kolibri proceeded to spin around and got him in a headlock, throwing him to the ground.

Oskar couldn't fight anymore. He was too beaten up to move. Kolibri dissolved while Pauline came up to him and stated. "I'm really sorry I had to do that. But you should really know better than to go off in the woods with strange girls."

He groaned in pain and tried to push himself up. "So, all this, was just to teach me a lesson?"

"Not really, I'm sorry, you were just target practice. I've been wanting to see if my subconscious was strong enough to fight on its own and, well, you were the one who wanted to fight."

He groaned out.

"Not like this."

"Again, I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

"No, yeah I'm in a lot of pain!"

"I can help you with that."

Oskar rolled onto his back and made a gesture of acceptance. Pauline reached down, helped him up and carried him back to his car. After a brief examination Pauline concluded.

"I don't think I broke anything except energy blockages. But you should be careful, there's probably going to be some weird side effects from that fight."

"Like what?"

"Well, your own subconscious might start talking to you. But I doubt it. I think in your case you are going to find yourself unsatisfied with your current living arrangements. You might be possessed by a desire to go out and try new things, perhaps even get a job. But I don't know, in any case you will have to deal with the consequences of all your blocked up energy. I suggest you find a nice place to lie down as it works out of your system."

"Un huh, so, what does that mean?"

"I don't know, varies wildly from person to person. All I know is that as you process your subconscious desires you are in for a very interesting experience."

Oskar grabbed her arm and firmly stated, "hey, this isn't fair, you... Make me think you ripped my spine out, then you have your subconscious beat the shit out me. Now you are just leaving me here?"

"Yep."

"That doesn't seem fair."

"Life isn't fair Oskar."

Pauline reached in and gave him a big hug. "Sorry, but you have to face this on your own. All I can say is, try not to fight it."

"No, that's not fair, you have to, Aaaah! Holy crap! You, have to... Guide me through this."

"Okay, under one condition, I expect payment for this service."

"Give it... Ahhh, give it to me."

"When we are done, I want you to take Star Butterfly on a date. I want you to be romantic, I want you to sweep her off her feet. I want you to be as utterly honest and vulnerable with Star as you can be. I want to see fireworks."

"But that, that doesn't make any sense. You call yourself StarFan13, shouldn't... Ah! Shouldn't you be dating her?"

"Yeah, but, Star has a crush on you, not me. I may not be into her anymore. But I still want to see her happy. And if that means sending her off with you then so be it. Now, there's one other thing I need to ask. Do you want to do this the fast way? Or the easy way?"

"Fast! Fast dammit! I can't take this much longer!"

"Okay, I will talk you through this, this will take a minute."

20 minutes later Pauline he explained everything she knew about the technique, about energy within the body and had eased loose several blockages in a much less painful fashion. Allowing the pain to subside and Oskar began to heal.

All the while Kolibri was drawing huge amounts of energy from him.

Once Oskar's noises went from winces of pain to sighs of relaxation Pauline said one last thing.

"Again Oskar, I'm so sorry, I didn't know what I was doing. And I really don't know my own strength."

As he took credit measured breaths and sucked on a bottle of water he replied, "no, ah, it's, it's okay. The more I think about it something like this was... Ooh damn, bound to happen to me sooner or later. I'm just glad you stopped before I passed out."

"Are you, are you going to be okay?"

"Bad as it is, I think I'm already okay. I, I don't think I could have lived like that anymore. My car the more I think about it, it's like a reflection of me. It's full of crap, I've got to clean it out. I've got to clean myself up. I've got to get my shit together before I'm... I don't know, dead of an overdose. I'm a mess StarFan, thanks for helping me see that."

She hugged him.

"Remember Oskar, be strong, but be willing to ask for help. That seems to be what my subconscious keeps telling me. Once you get your act squared away you get to romancing Star, okay?"

He replied an uncertain "okay."

The bell rang.

Lunch break.

Pauline was going to sneak back into school. She might not even be marked down as having missed today. As they went inside Kolibri was hovering alongside her. Running her fingers along her teeth she asked.

"Great, between that damn vampire and him I think these fangs might be permanent. Next few people you snack on better not have overgrown canines or I might not be able to fit these in my mouth anymore. So, yeah, he was tasty but why did you want him to go on a date with Star?"

Pauline explained, "we are still in a timeline too similar to the one that the other me went through. I want to push away from that timeline as hard as I can. I need to make sure I don't wind up on that bridge. I want to see things change, I want to give destiny a wedgie and throw it down the stairs. If Oskar is dating Star, well, it probably won't last but it will give her something to think about besides Marco. Oskar will be a wedge between them. If Marco and Star really are destined to be together then I want to see if that relationship can weather a few dates with Oskar. More than that, Star and Oskar never dated in the other timeline. I don't know what else this will affect, but I don't care; I need chaos."

Kolibri stopped flying as they walked into the building. She was still bursting with energy, desperately trying to be as incorporeal and invisible as she could. She nodded and observed, "well, you set out to do something bad today and I think you pulled it off. But, ah, I don't know. This is all starting to seem pretty crazy the more I think about it. I mean, I want you to come out of your shell, but... I'm amazed how easy it was for me to talk you into fighting him. I mean, I didn't think you were actually going to do it and I really wasn't expecting you to beat him that badly."

"Doesn't matter, what matters is that you got your fight and now we see if it changes Oskar into a different person."


	14. Something Wong.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey, do you remember awhile ago where Brittney and StarFan had to agree to mediation after StarFan smacked her with a lunch tray?

A ticking clock.

Pauline observed that a ticking clock was always a sign that something big was about to happen. In a movie or tv show whenever a clock was noticed it was always a way of setting a scene where some dramatic event was about to occur. The clock was always ticking down to... Something.

For StarFan13 the clock was annoying enough. But that wasn't what she was worried about. What she was worried about was sitting in a chair opposite her, a girl she had once idolized. They were both waiting for mr Candle to return to his office.

After a trip to the hospital, the dentist and a few days off to heal, Brittney Wong was back at school. As part of the arrangement that had been made after Pauline's reaction to her ambush both parties had to agree to mediation.

Brittney was making a point of staring in any direction that didn't have a view of Pauline in it. Affecting as haughty an air as possible. Pauline just wanted this over with as she thought to herself.

_"Jeez, I can't believe I used to stalk this girl, I idolized her? No wonder I'm so frigging crazy that I have to spend most of my time trying to talk some sense into myself."_

Pauline faintly realized that Kolibri was forming, but not how she usually did. She was not materializing standing somewhere in the room. She materialized sitting in Brittney's lap. Licking the cheerleaders face like an ice cream cone. Pauline thought.

_"Kolibri, what the heck are you doing?"_

The thought form stopped licking and looked right at Pauline. Giving a "oh, did you just catch me doing something naughty?" Expression, she explained.

"You know I live partly on negative emotions, right?"

" _Right."_

"Well, this girl is just delicious, I really see why I chose her face. I'm just eating away at all this rich energy she has been storing up inside for all her miserable life. I just can't stop! She is like, hate incarnate! Her rage it's, it's like the darkest, richest, velvety chocolate you could ever imagine."

Pauline sighed and thought another thing.

_"You know that's probably going to make her even angrier at me?"_

The thought form replied.

"Yeah, it's going to mean that she isn't going to try to attack us again. Or she is going to try to. But she is going to be too weak and crazy to actually hurt us. I'm, I'm going to lick her to death and she won't even know. This is just so delicious, please don't stop me Pauline. I, I didn't even know this was a fantasy I wanted to act on, but, just please don't stop me from devouring every last bit of her hatred!"

As Pauline breathed in resignation Brittney whispered something. Pauline didn't quite hear it so she asked, "what was that?"

Brittney looked square at her and hissed. "I'm going to have you killed."

Pauline smiled and asked, "oh, you are going to have me killed? How are you going to do that?"

Brittney blinked, she wasn't expecting that response.

"My dad knows some nasty people. Someday soon some guys are going to grab you and take you someplace where no one will ever find you. You are going to pay for this!"

Brittney screeched while pointing to her still healing gums.

Pauline sighed and stated, "well then let's go ahead and do it now."

"Excuse me?"

"After school, let's go someplace together. Just you and me. I'll get a knife and you can kill me. You can gut me like a fish, you can make me squirm in agony as I take my dying breath. Perhaps you can make me dig my own grave?"

Pauline lunged over and grabbed Brittney by the scruff of the neck. Staring into her eyes she whispered. "You really shouldn't threaten to kill people unless you are willing to act on that threat. So let's take it all the way. Kill me, make it as long and drawn out as you like. You can kiss me on the lips as I take my last breath. You can burn the image of my face into your minds eye as the light goes out in my eyes. Doesn't that sound like fun?"

Brittney looked absolutely terrified, Pauline replied, "there, now that we have that out of the way there's something I have been wanting you to explain. Why did you attack me with a bowl of chili? And please be honest, I'm a walking lie detector. If I figure that you are lying to me I am going to tell you about really messed up stuff until mr Candle shows up."

Brittney whimpered, "that... what you just said wasn't messed up?"

"Not by my standards, not anymore. So, tell me what did I do that made you so mad?"

Brittney whispered, "you, you talked back to me, no one talks back to me!"

Pauline leaned back with her hands behind her head as Kolibri reached deeper into Brittney's energetic self.

"Oh, I talked back to you, why is this such an unspeakable act?"

Brittney felt something, something deeply strange. A warmth, a comfort she had never felt before. She felt as though regardless of anything that happened here that things were going to be okay. The there we something out there that loved her, deeply. That there was something that was taking away a deep pain inside that she didn't even know she had.

This was a profoundly nonsensical sensation. She was sure that she was going nuts. She was experiencing the craziest emotional whiplash she had ever had in her life. Brittney shrieked, "it's Star isn't it!? She is always messing up my life. It has to be her. What has she done this time? Did she put you up to this?"

Pauline cooly replied, "this isn't Star, what's going on inside you right now is all me. Now, please be honest, why is talking back such a terribly wrong thing, Wong!?"

Brittney was petrified. But her fear of the girl sitting on the couch was soon eclipsed by a different sensation.

The warmth was growing ever warmer.

Radiating through her body.

Brittney groaned as something broke loose inside her. She wanted to laugh. The warmth was becoming concentrated.

Hands on her shoulders.

Something was breathing on the back of her neck.

Something insanely strong.

She looked behind her to see something that scared her even more than the girl who had knocked her teeth out.

A translucent doppelgänger of her, wearing a white suit. The ghost smiled and greeted her, "hi!"

She saw her fangs.

Before Brittney could do anything the wraith had clamped it's hands onto her shoulders. The thought form rested her fangs against Brittney's neck, ever so gently. Close enough that the thought form could feel the cheerleaders heartbeat through her teeth.

She licked Brittney's neck, very gently. Half mad with desire.

Pauline asked, "I apologize, my subconscious there went through a rather traumatic experience awhile ago and she is still sweating out some the side effects of being force fed a very old and powerful vampire. So she is in no mood to screw around and come to think of it, neither am I. So, we can do this the easy way or the hard way. But it's taking everything I have to keep my subconscious mind from tearing you open and devouring you like a banana. So I really hope you take the hard way."

Kolibri's wings came out. Brittney was entranced by the iridescent wings.

Brittney whispered, "please don't. Whatever this is, please don't."

Pauline sighed, "oh pooh, okay Kolibri, knock it off."

The thought form dissolved, Pauline asked.

"Don't even think about screaming, I can summon her again anytime I like. So, now that I have you sufficiently terrified, tell me, why is no one supposed to ever talk back to you?"

Brittney took a moment to catch her breath and asked, "what was that?"

"I already told you, that was my subconscious mind. Although you are only the second person to actually see her, besides me."

"Why, why was she... Going to eat me? Why does she look like me, why?"

"She looks like you because I used to idolize you, she was eating you because someone force fed both of us a vampire a few days ago and we haven't sweated all the toxins out of our systems yet. Now please, my question?"

Brittney hesitated one last time.

"I can bring her back with just a thought."

Brittney shouted. "You are all supposed to love me, okay! Especially you!"

Pauline asked in genuine confusion.

"Oh, why am I supposed to love you?"

"Because I'm in charge! I'm the head cheerleader, my dad is rich. I have everything, when you yelled at me that... That that wasn't right. This must be Star's fault. From day one she has been coming here and wrecking everything. It must be her magic or something. How else could you not love me anymore?"

Pauline sighed and stated.

"Brittney, I know you don't, and shouldn't have feelings for me after I hurt you. But people who love each other call each other out when they are doing stupid things like insulting people for no reason. Moreover, love is such a serious word. I was infatuated with you in the past. But... did you ever love me?"

"You!? Ew! No! You creepy little stalker bitch! I hated how you followed me around. I hated how you would follow me but you would never talk to me. You, you seemed like you were trying to be me."

Pauline chuckled and replied.

"I was, I admit that. I like to think I have outgrown that. But, there it is. You didn't love me and how can anyone be expected to love someone who doesn't love you back? I am sorry for stalking you, I really am. But you shouldn't have attacked me with a bowl of chili and believe it or not. I saved your life."

"What?"

"You hurt Marco, badly. Star was going to kill you. That's not an exaggeration, she was going to hit you right between the eyes with a spell, probably a leech bomb. It would have stuck to your face and blown your head clean off. Then she would have used however many spells in her wand that she needed to erase you from existence. As much as it hurt I saved your life and you damn well know it."

Brittney could see it in her own minds eye. Pauline wasn't lying. She hung her head and whispered.

"Thank you."

"That's okay, you have lived a sheltered life. You don't know about death, you haven't seen death like I have."

Brittney looked up in genuine confusion. Pauline explained.

"Oh, sorry, I received a visit from a version of myself from the future a week or two ago. Future me has seen some shit. And it seems I have her memories now. She had an interesting life, she saw quite a bit of death. That's why I'm being so harsh with you. I want to make it clear that I am done messing around with bullies like you. If you or anyone else wants to hurt me, you can take your best shot. And I will take mine!"

Brittney replied in shock.

"Bully? I'm not a bully."

"Bullshit, you are the biggest bully in this school!"

Brittney started reasserting herself as she growled.

"Hey, I don't slam people into lockers, I never gave anyone a swirly."

"You don't have to. You are the queen bee, the alpha bitch. Your sneer and cutting remarks hurt people worse than being slammed into a locker. There's an ancient saying, "let them hate as long as they fear." Well, you aren't loved miss Wong. You are feared."

Brittney looked at her shoes in shame.

"No, I'm... I'm not that person." She growled in an attempt to sound assertive. "I can't be that person!"

"Well I'm telling you now, and I'm also warning you. If you try to bully me, or anyone I like ever again you will suffer for it. I don't care if I go to juvie, heck after all I have seen I think I have lost my fear of death. You can think of me as your very own goddess of vengeance. And your actions will bring about my wrath!"

Pauline tilted her head and took on the most disturbing smile that Brittney had ever seen in her life.

"And you know exactly what my wrath looks like, don't you?"

Brittney asked, "that... Thing that looks like me. What, you said that it was your subconscious mind?"

Pauline replied, "yes, she calls herself Kolibri. She has some... Complex feelings towards you but I love her more than I can possibly describe. Even though she is everything about myself that I have suppressed over the years she really is the best part of me. She is so much stronger than I am."

Brittney's mannerisms shifted radically yet again as she held out her hand and touched Pauline's face. She whispered, "what happened to you? You used to be the nicest person I knew, now, I... I don't know what you are anymore."

Pauline was shocked by this sudden change. This, moment that appeared to be one of pity from a person whom she expected nothing but fear.

"Yeah, well, you don't seem to know what you are either. You live in a parallel reality, Wong. Some strange, sad world where everyone in your life is just a cardboard cutout puppet. Dancing on the strings of your families wealth and power. Forever heaping fawning praise on you, while the world passes you by. This is who you are and who you will be forever. This will be your peak. And when you are forty years old, watching your beauty fade, you will think endlessly of the hot, young piece of ass you used to be and wonder. "Why didn't I take that chance to be a kid, instead of a stuck up asshole who attacked people who tried to give me advice!"

Brittney continued to touch Pauline's face and asked in a state of entrancement.

"Who are you, Pauline? What have you become? Are, are you even human anymore?"

Pauline replied in an uncertain tone.

"Good question, that's in flux at the moment. For now all I can say in confidence is that I am done doing anything by half measures."

Brittney couldn't stop staring into those eyes. She felt as though her very spirit was being consumed by them. And yet, she had no qualm with it. She felt calm, a profound peace had settled over her. A strange realization that despite all of Pauline's rage. She really did just want what was best for her.

Tough love.

More than that Pauline genuinely didn't want anything from her. Everyone wanted something from her.

The door opened, Brittney retracted her hands as the school counselor apologized. "Sorry I'm late, there was an accident in the hallway. Now, oh dear, the cafeteria incident. Well, you both know why you are here better than I do. So how about we..."

Before he could finish his sentence Brittney shouted, "I give up okay. Whatever happened, I'm sorry, I will never do it again. I accept full responsibility and I swear I will never hurt anyone ever again. I have to go, I don't know where, but I just can't be in the same room as that... Creature right now!"

Brittney stood up and practically flew out of the room. Leaving a somewhat confused Mr Candle sitting in his chair to say, "well, I suppose that makes my job easier. So, is there anything that I can help you with miss Long?"

Pauline replied in a cheerful tone, "nope, not a thing. Can I go too?"

"Okay, but it would probably be a good idea to avoid miss Wong for awhile."

"I wholeheartedly agree, thank you Mr Candle."

 

22 hours later.

 

Pauline was almost skipping to the cafeteria. She couldn't wait one more second to be with Jackie. She wanted nothing more than to see the unpleasant memory of Brittney Wong fade away in the warm glow of Jackie's smile.

Then she noticed something.

Kolibri was standing near the door to the cafeteria.

She was gesturing for Pauline to come with her.

Pauline thought for a second, yeah, she could spare a minute to hang out with Kolibri. It would be nice to be the one who showed up late to lunch this time.

Pauline followed Kolibri to a nice little hiding spot. Pauline thought she knew all the hiding spots in the school but this was a new one. She wondered how Kolibri knew about it. Then she remembered. Kolibri has been acquiring energy from other people. She very likely had some memories from Oskar and perhaps Brittney.

Kolibri seemed a little off, she wasn't talking and she was walking. Usually she either sat or flew. Perhaps this was just her growing more corporeal.

Kolibri leaned up against the wall in a submissive posture. She looked slightly scared, Pauline walked up to her, grabbed her arms and said.

"Oh you dirty little girl. Looks like you have been working out even more than me. You feel so solid."

Pauline kissed her.

She returned the kiss.

Pauline pulled herself away, "wow, you, uh, you seem even more voracious than usual. You're so bad, I, I don't think I can stop myself from tearing your clothes off. Hope we don't get caught!"

The girl whipped off her suit jacket as Pauline slammed into her. Pauline kissed her neck.

"God, what's got you in such a mood!? I love it. Mm, I love your perfume, your lips, your lovely little..."

Pauline reached behind her back.

No wings.

She launched herself away from the girl and growled.

"You aren't Kolibri!"

She held up her hands and announced, "no, no I'm, I'm totally Kolibri."

Pauline grabbed her wrist and roared.

"Kolibri doesn't talk like that and her voice is deeper. Tell me who you are right now or I start breaking things!"

"Okay, fine, I'm Brittney."

"Brittney!?! What the fuck is this! Is this some sort of prank! Why the fuck are you dressed up like my subconscious!? Why are you posing as her? Why, why were you making out with me?"

Brittney replied. "I just wanted to..."

"You just wanted to what!?"

"I just wanted to feel what it was liked to be loved."

Pauline couldn't have been more shocked if someone had just struck her in the back of the head with a ball peen hammer. She shouted.

"What?"

"When we were in Mr Candles office. I felt, I felt warm, I felt loved, even though I was so angry at you, it felt like you loved me and when I saw Kolibri, she, she looked so cool! As soon as school was out I bought a suit and, I like it. I did a bunch of reading about the subconscious and what you said about her and I just... I wanted to feel what it was like to be loved the way you love your subconscious."

"Brittney, if, if you wanted to be loved, why couldn't you get some boy to do it? I'm sure at least half the boys in this school would gladly have kissed you."

"I don't want half the boys in school to do it. I want you to do it! Because... You know me."

"I... Know you?"

"Ever since you talked back to me, I, I can't stop thinking about you! I can't stop thinking about your eyes and how I just want to stare into them forever. You, you talk back to me, you make..."

"I make what?"

"You make me feel confused! Alright! I, I just want to be with you."

Pauline face palmed and announced.

"Well, if you wanted to do that then this is an awful way to start."

Pauline stepped away.

Brittney reacted, "oh God, you are leaving me! Just like everyone else leaves me! I'm so sorry I swear. I swear I will change, just please, don't leave me alone with this!"

Pauline asked in confusion at the abrupt change in Brittney's tone.

"Alone with what?"

Pauline stepped closer. Brittney explained. "Your love, your undying unyielding unending love."

Pauline replied. "Okay, I'm getting creeped out now. Come with me I will take you to the nurses office and then we can..."

Brittney was reaching into a pocket. She took out a pocketknife. She was aiming it at her wrist. Pauline stepped towards her again and shouted. "Woah, holy shit! don't do that!"

Brittney looked up with a smile on her face and said in a confused tone. "Don't do what? Why am I holding a knife?"

Pauline suspected something.

She stepped forward ever so slightly.

Brittney smiled brightly at her.

She stepped back.

Brittney started cringing,

She stepped forward.

Smiles.

Pauline took three steps back.

Brittney screamed like she had just been shot in the foot.

Pauline stepped back and realized. Somehow Brittney was... Wait, where is Kolibri?"

"Right here boss, kind of."

Pauline looked behind her. Kolibri explained.

"Sorry Pauline, most of the time I'm basically an optical and auditory illusion. You can't look at me and Brittney at the same time if you are confusing the two of us. The illusion collapses on itself." 

Pauline commanded. "Wings now!"

Kolibri's wings shot out.

"Okay, so, Kolibri, what's happening?"

Kolibri explained in a sheepish tone.

"Well, I kinda, got my hand stuck in the cookie jar. Brittney's subconscious has grabbed onto me for dear life. She won't let me go." 

"So, if I get too far from Brittney?"

"Yeah, that would be bad. Brittney won't die, physically, but I don't want to know what the damage to her mind would be."

Pauline reached tentatively towards Brittney, as they drew closer Brittney grew happier and happier. Until she grabbed on to Pauline's arm. Once Pauline saw the childish expression of pure bliss on Brittney's face Pauline concluded.

"She's, uh, not letting go is she?"

Kolibri replied.

"Probably not unless, well, I suppose you could kill her."

"I'm... Are you nuts? No, we aren't doing that! Let's just get out of here. Go home and work on this, just me and you and her, okay?"

Kolibri stated. "Bring Jackie too. We are going to need her."

"Yeah, it would probably be a good idea to have a witness. Or at the least, someone to talk some sense into my subconscious." 

Kolibri could feel herself growing weaker with every passing second, she replied. "If you felt the way I did right now, you, this really sucks Pauline. I'm not saying we should kill her just to see what happens. I'm thinking we might have to. I, I can't, she is plotting something Pauline. There's something inside her, something deeply evil and incredibly strong. I... I can't hold her back for much longer." 

Pauline delicately walked back to the cafeteria with Brittney clamped into her arm. She sat her down opposite Jackie. Jackie looked up, about to take a bite out of a sloppy joe and asked, "um, what?"

"Jackie, you wanted to know what Kolibri looked like? Well, slap a pair of hummingbird wings on her back and this is exactly what Kolibri looks like."

Jackie asked.

"I thought you said she was invisible?"

"She is, normally, however this is not Kolibri. This is Brittney Wong cosplaying as Kolibri. She thought it would be fun to dress up as my own subconscious and trick me into making out with her."

Jackie snorted in disbelief, "making out?"

Brittney looked goofily at Jackie. Off in her own little world, blissed out of her mind. Feeling like the luckiest girl in the world at the fact that Pauline was holding her arm. Jackie demurely put down her Joe. Wiped her mouth and asked in an incredibly formal tone.

"Okay Pauline, something is very clearly wrong here so, tell me... what's going on?"

"Yesterday Brittney and me were alone in mr Candles office. Kolibri snacked on some of Brittney's bioenergy and um, now I don't think I can let Brittney go without her getting, upset."

"How upset?

"Like kill herself upset."

"That's, really unethical, dude."

"Yeah, I know I feel really bad about it and Kolibri is half stuck inside Brittney. She says Brittney's subconscious is eating her. So, I was thinking we sneak out of school and we work on this... Problem together?"

Jackie asked the inevitable question. "What about Star, can't we just ask her for help? she is right there!"

Pauline sternly replied.

"This is out of Star's depth. According to my memories Star never learned anything like this type of magic until she met me again years in the future. Besides, Brittney hurt Marco. I don't want unstable Butterfly magics and Star's unstable feelings swirling around in this already thick as pea soup mess I'm in right now. Just, please Jackie. Either sneak out with me, or not, but don't stop me from fixing this by myself."

Jackie nodded and stated. "Okay, okay, fine. I know a way to get us out of here."

Jackie stood up, grabbed her sloppy joe and the rest of her lunch. Shoved the rest of her lunch in her bag and started chowing down on the sloppy joe. She gestured for Pauline to follow her. But as they stepped out of the cafeteria Marco appeared from nowhere. As he bumped into Jackie he saw this strange scene following her and asked, "soooooo, whats happening here?"

Pauline and Jackie looked him in genuine confusion, gesturing for Brittney to explain herself. Pauline released her grip as Brittney said, "I'm, I'm working on some things..." Then snapped out the words, "okay Diaz!?!"

Pauline asked politely, "um, could you please not talk to Marco that way? Especially after you almost killed him?"

Brittney changed her tone yet again, meekly stating, "I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry Marco, please forgive me for that and if you can, please forgive me for hitting you with that bowl of chili."

Marco backed away, slightly worried that the sheer nonsensicality of what was happening might collapse the universe around them.


	15. The warrior inside.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein we learn what madness lies inside the mind of Brittney Wong.

Jackie stared at Brittney as she sat in a chair in Pauline's room. Brittney had an expression of perfect joy on her face. The whole trip from school to Pauline's house she had just walked along with the two them looking like she was smacked out of her mind on some insanely powerful drug. Jackie asked in confusion.

"Good grief Pauline, what the heck have you done to this girl?"

Pauline replied.

"I don't know, I really don't know. But clearly we need to fix this."

Jackie nodded and replied.

"Clearly, so, what do we do?"

"First of all, let's get that pocketknife away from her."

Jackie nodded and Pauline reached into one of Brittney's pockets, feeling around she discovered something unexpected, Pauline stated in terror.

"That's... Not a knife."

Pauline pulled a handgun out of Brittney's pocket. It was small and very shiny. The engravings said that it was made by North American Arms and chambered in 32 ACP. Pauline dropped the magazine and racked the round out of the chamber. Jackie asked.

"Neat trick, Kolibri teach you that?"

"You know it. Now..."

In their searching they found two more knives on Brittney. Pauline sat her down and asked. "Okay Brittney, why are you carrying a gun and a knife?"

It wasn't the gun, or the knife. It was her lost in bliss smile that disturbed them both the most. Brittney explained.

"We are going to need those."

Jackie asked in slight terror, "need those for what?"

"For when we take over the world. People are going to fight us, we must defend ourselves."

Pauline asked, "Jackie, go down to the garage and get some rope."

"Why?"

"I'm going to tie Brittney up so she doesn't hurt herself."

"This is getting pretty freaking weird, dude."

Pauline smiled ironically and asked.

"Getting weird? I thought we passed weird when Brittney showed up dressed like my subconscious mind?"

Jackie looked at Pauline and said sternly.

"Okay, let me say this another way, this is getting illegal. I don't even want to imagine how many laws we are breaking already."

Pauline snorted and replied.

"Let's just say we have already broken lots and lots of laws, just trust me, okay? go get some rope. Here, if you don't trust me just hold on to this knife!"

Jackie refused the knife, but she did go get the rope.

Brittney happily complied with being tied to a chair. She looked positively overjoyed to have Pauline's hands all over her. Once Pauline and Jackie were done tying, Pauline stood up and said to Jackie.

"Okay, I want to test a theory. I'm going to run, if Brittney starts bleeding out of her eyes or it looks like she is going to die, you tell me to stop. Otherwise I'm going to see if I can get away from her. If I can get far enough away she might have to let go of Kolibri."

Jackie nodded crisply and announced, "you know if you had told me your plan I probably wouldn't have talked back to you like that."

Pauline sighed and said, "yeah, I know, communication; anyway, just hold her here."

Pauline turned and ran down the stairs. Brittney immediately started wailing in agony at being out of sight of Pauline. But as she neared her front door Pauline passed out.

Pauline woke up, back in her room. Brittney was looking down at her with that same look of goofy joy. Pauline could hear the distant and haunting wails of her subconscious mind screaming in agony. She observed, "well, that didn't work. Do you have any ideas, Jackie?"

"Well, have you tried asking her to let go of your subconscious?" 

"Yeah, doy! but you can see she isn't acting normally."

"Well, don't speak to her normally then."

Pauline scratched her chin and observed.

"Hmm."

Pauline sat down on her bed and breathed deeply. Staring Brittney in the eyes she let her mind go blank and tried to see things from Brittney's perspective.

Brittney's conscious mind was asleep. It had been locked down by her subconscious. Which was apparently possible. She looked around the room and tried to feel for Kolibri.

Pauline looked behind her.

Kolibri was in bed with a projection of Brittney's subconscious mind. The projection of Brittney's subconscious looked like a five year old version of her older self. Dressed in a lacy pink outfit that made her look like the most sickeningly saccharine thing that Pauline had ever seen in her life. Kolibri waved at Pauline and said nervously, "hi boss."

Kolibri looked petrified. Brittney's subconscious was licking her face. Looking indescribably happy.

Pauline addressed the projection, "hello, what's your name?"

The projection looked at her and smiled, "you can see me? Someone can finally see me! I'm so happy!"

Pauline realized that the words had come from Brittney's mouth. Her body was apparently under the full control of her subconscious.

As a nervous tremble began to climb up her back, Pauline asked, "I would still like to know your name."

"I'm Britney, the real Britney. I'm nothing like that stuck up bitch who said those mean things to you. I tried to stop her, I really did. But she threw that damn bowl anyway. I'm so much nicer, she just wants to yell at everyone. I just want to listen."

"Okay, Real Britney, so could you be so kind as to let go of my subconscious mind?"

Perfectly mimicking the tone of a petulant child she replied.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Mmm, because with every lick, I get more powerful. I get more energy, I learn more about her. I learn more about you. I become more badass. That's what this thing is, it's like a badass burrito! I, I'm learning how to fight, how to drive a car. How to do all sorts of cool stuff. Soon she will be mine, and you will be mine. We will... be two bodies with one mind..."

The projection looked over at Jackie, "after awhile three bodies. Then four, then five. You will be part of me and you will love it. We will all have so much fun together. I will keep growing, becoming more and more powerful until nothing in the universe can stand against us!"

While Pauline was trying to come up with a response Jackie asked, "why do you want to absorb us?"

"Because I love you, because I love all of you. Because I want to show you the errors of your ways. You will see, things will be so much better when we are all one."

Kolibri wailed, "please, Pauline, Jackie, kill her! I can't take anymore of this! She is completely insane. I'm sorry I took her self control but please, she is going to eat me!!!" 

Kolibri was dissolving into Brittney.

Pauline looked over at the pistol, it wouldn't take more than a second to slam the magazine back in and jack a round into the chamber. Jackie noticed this look in Pauline's eyes and shouted, "stop! You can't, you can't just go around absorbing people."

"Why not?"

"Because if you do then people will fight back. No one will love you if they feel like you are trying to kill them."

Britney replied in a more adult sounding tone this time.

"But I'm not trying to kill them, I'm setting them free. Once we see that we are all one we can all share knowledge and live to the best of our abilities. There will be no more wars, no more fights. We will all be one, together."

Jackie asked, "why do you want to do this?" 

The projection let go of Kolibri, who immediately dissolved. Pauline almost fainted from the whiplash of having her subconscious returned to her. Britney's subconscious went back in her body and asked in a cold tone.

"Let me out of these restraints and I will show you why I want to do this. I know what you really are Jackie. I know who you really are, deep deep down. I can show you things about yourself that you never could have imagined."

Pauline couldn't move, Jackie stood before Britney and stated. "No, there nothing that you could say or do that would convince me to work for you. You have hurt Pauline and you almost hurt yourself, badly. You are obviously disturbed and I'm glad that Pauline tied you up before we started this. Now, tell me why you want this... Power over other people?"

Britney growled, "you will let me go right now little girl!"

"No, now, I can see you are hiding something, tell me why you want to overpower us."

Britney started crying, "because I have no power! This, bitch I'm trapped inside of! Do you have any idea how awful it is to be trapped inside of a creature like this!? I just want to love, I just want to be a girl, not a stuck up pretentious cow! I need to defeat this bitch, I need to make her kneel before me and I need your help to do it. So come on, just let me go. I will leave you alone, I swear. Just let me be free, let me run. I will find love elsewhere, just please let me go."

She was crying her eyes out.

Pauline pulled herself back together. She stated, "Jackie, I think we need to get the two halves of Britney to talk to each other. I think once we get a dialog going that might give us a chance to get out of this without having to badly hurt anyone."

Jackie replied.

"But how are we going to do that?"

"Well, the older me would probably used 5meo to force an integration. But we don't have any and I don't think that would work here regardless. I think, I think I'm going to regret this, but I think I'm going to have to turn into the skid."

Jackie looked sideways and asked incredulously.

"What the heck does that mean?"

"I'm, I'm going to let Britney's subconscious consume me instead of Kolibri. I'm going to see if I can see what's going on under the hood. Once I'm inside her head I will try to make her two minds talk to each other until they can see reason and let me go."

Britney snapped, "hey, don't talk about me like I'm not here! I'm not anything like her, I'm just hungry."

Pauline realized, "hungry, of course. Britney's subconscious wants power, let's give her power."

Jackie and Britney asked simultaneously.

"Eh?"

"I'm going to do the thing to her. This will unlock the blockages inside her body and give her subconscious the power she wants."

Jackie nodded and said, "okay, that makes more sense. But how are you going to do that?"

"Same way I did it on you."

Jackie took another look and asked.

"Think it will work with her tied to a chair instead of lying down? And with her being, well, not me?"

Pauline replied, "well, I think we have established that it can be done on someone who isn't going along with it. I think we have to untie her though. I think we have to allow her body to move freely for this to work."

Jackie nodded and reached for the knots as Pauline grabbed Britney by the shoulders and whispered in Britney's ear. "If you lay one finger on Jackie I'm turning you inside out. Now, are you going to play nicely?"

Something that didn't sound like either version of Britney hissed.

" **If you untie me I will feast on your hearts!"**

They blinked and took a step back. Jackie asked, "well that's an odd change of tone. So, what's happening now?"

**"I will kill you all, I will destroy you all! I will kiss you on the lips as you take your last breath. You can burn the image of my face into your minds eye as the light goes out in your eyes. Doesn't that sound like fun?"**

Pauline raised her hand and explained, "um, Britney threatened to kill me yesterday and, well, that's part of what I said back to her. I... Invited her to try to kill me."

Jackie looked bemused, asking, "is this what you mean by, turning into the skid?"

"Hey, someone threatens to kill me nowadays I just say, bring it. But, well, huh, we can't untie her if she is talking like this, so what do we do now?"

Jackie announced, "Can I try something?"

Pauline gestured for her to proceed. Jackie stood behind Britney and made symmetrical hand gestures with her hands and fingers around Britney's head.

Britney propped up, yet another voice spoke. "What, where am I? Why am I tied up? Pauline? Oh god, did you kidnap me!?"

Pauline replied, "technically you kidnapped yourself. Britney, I'm sorry but your subconscious mind latched onto my subconscious mind and right now the two of you and... Something else are fighting for control of your body and, well, I'm sorry but your subconscious mind wants to take over the world."

Britney asked in utter disbelief.

"What! Why?"

**"Because you are a stubborn little bitch who is wasting our life! I want you out! Go back to sleep! Now!"**

"Pauline, Jackie, what was that? and how did it come out of my mouth?"

**"Im hurt, you don't recognize me? Your worst nightmare! The creature from the deepest darkest recesses of your rotten brain!"**

"Hey, stop yelling, whatever you are!" 

**"Just you try to stop me bitch! How do you not know? What we are, what we will do? I'm going to find a deep dark hole in our mind to drop you into!"**

"Um, you guys, can you help me? This thing is really scaring me!"

Yet another voice spoke out of Britney's mouth, this one sounding quite childlike. 

"I'm not a thing, I'm your subconscious! I know you better than anyone. You have been a jealous, selfish, greedy bitch and I've had enough! You be quiet, you shut up! I'm in the drivers seat now. You shut up and go back to sleep!"

"Pauline, help me! I don't want to be like this! Please, make it stop!"

Jackie moved to untie the ropes. But as soon as she did the third voice growled again, **"you untie these knots and I swear I'll kill you both."**

Jackie backed away. Pauline began making her own symmetrical gestures and observing the situation.

"Britney is... She is really blocked, she has energy, not just from her, but her ancestors. I can see it all over her body. It's, it's an energy of persecution. It's a million resentments and fears and traumas, stretching back millennia. She is angry at the whole world. This is... Just a world of pain."

Jackie asked the inevitable question, "well then, what are we supposed to do? We can't keep her tied up here for much longer."

Pauline stated, "I think we should double team her. If we can unwind enough of this energy perhaps we can get her to see reason."

Jackie asked. "What's she seeing now?"

"Rage, unspeakable, unimaginably vast, unbelievably hot rage. She wants revenge for everything that was done to her and her ancestors."

Britney started laughing. She wasn't seeing Pauline's bedroom right now. All she could see was a vision of burning cities, towns and villages. The fragments of Britney's mind reacted differently to the images. But the loudest voice was the one laughing insanely. Pauline just said, "let's get to work."

It was difficult with her being tied up. But after a few false starts Jackie and Pauline started to drain off the excess anger in Britney's system. Once they got the hang of it Jackie observed, "this is incredible Pauline! I mean, it's like perpetual motion or something. You've found a way to transform someone's rage into a different form of energy!"

"Yeah, if we could plug Britney into an outlet we could probably power Echo Creek."

**"Echo Creek, fuck that, the whole state of California!"**

"Hey, Britney, we got you laughing!"

 **"Yeah, I got to laugh, to keep from crying. I** mean, wow, there's so much anger down here. I just, wow, thanks."

Jackie asked, "so, you aren't going to do anything crazy if we let you go?"

"I'm not going to hurt you, or anyone else."

"I believe her Pauline."

Pauline stopped gesturing and went for the pistol, "you pull anything I'll make you regret it, okay?"

Britney nodded.

As Jackie untied her Pauline felt Kolibri coming back online. She was running through scenarios where Britney tried to take the gun. Kolibri growled, "I still think we should just get rid of her."

Pauline replied, "we will get rid of her. But not by hurting or killing her. We have to be gentle with her."

Britney stood up and walked over to the bed. She somberly asked, "that thing you are doing? Keep doing it."

Pauline asked, "are you sure, I mean, you are free to go."

Britney shook her head and replied, "not just yet, they are mad, so incredibly mad. I need to show them that they are loved and this seems to be the best way to do that."

Britney took off her suit jacket and kicked off her shoes. Pauline held up her hand and stated, "okay, just don't take off any more clothes than that, okay?"

Britney lied down and invited Pauline and Jackie to get to work. They took opposite sides of the bed and started gesturing. Jackie could feel energy blocks emerging to the surface. She shouted, "dude, this is incredible! It's like we are pulling the pain out of her. You said Star got mad when the other you did this? Why? This is so cool!"

"Star was unwilling, you and Britney are willing. This won't go as fast as the other me could do it but, yeah, this is actually kinda fun!"

Jackie smiled and said, "let's go deeper, let's find out what her major malfunction is?"

The pitch and frequency of their motions become synchronized. Jackie began to have images flash before her eyes as well. Jackie asked. "Yo, StarFan, you seeing this?"

"Yeah, what is it?"

Jackie explained as well as she could. "I think it's Cambodia, I recognize some of these images from an action movie or two filmed there. My grandpa goes there on vacation every couple years. He loves it, he says the people are really nice."

"But Britney is Chinese, not Cambodian."

Her subconscious screamed, "ethnic Chinese, we lived in Cambodia! We did until the Khmer Rouge came! They wiped us out, made us leave. I want to go back, I **want to make them suffer. I want them to burn. I'll show them, I'll show them all! What they did! It wasn't fair. I'll kill them all, I will make them pay for hurting our family!"**

Jackie and Pauline stopped and looked at each other. Jackie observed, "well dude, genocide seems like a pretty good reason to be upset. But the Khmer Rouge are all gone. Their government fell a long time ago, all the big bad guys are dead."

Britney blinked, **"all gone?"**

Pauline confirmed, "yes all gone. That was a long time ago."

Britney gestured for them to stop. She stood up and breathed, speaking once again in the childish voice. "This changes nothing, I still, I want!"

Pauline asked, "you want what? Revenge on people who are dead? Britney, I can see why you are who you are now. And I sympathize. But this isn't the way, you can't run around with guns and get revenge on the dead. It's just not possible. I think you need to talk to your family and try to understand where you came from if you want to keep going forward."

Britney looked down, at the pistol in Pauline's belt. Pauline realize what the third voice was, a reflection of generational rage. Some kind of warrior spirit that had laid dormant in Britney for who knows how long. But always there, always pushing, always seeking conflict, always seeking revenge. It was starting to interpret properly with Britney's conscious and subconscious minds. But it was going to be a bumpy transition. Pauline advised it.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you. Killing us isn't going to make your life any better and you know it."

Britney snickered and replied, "I'm not going to kill anyone. I'm just wondering how I'm going to get that awful thing back in my dads safe."

Pauline smiled, "okay, I think things are smoothing out. Britney, can you... hear each other?"

Britney replied, "yeah, yeah she is hurt. She is crying her eyes out, but yeah, I can hear her. And this other thing, wow is it angry. I mean it's like made of anger. Pauline, what have you done to me?"

"Well, in short, Jackie and I have facilitated communication between you and your subconscious and perhaps some sort of generational memory. But we didn't do it for shits and giggles. Your subconscious was acting really crazy, she wanted to hurt people."

Britney replied, "yeah, no, don't want to do that. You might beat me with a lunch tray. What was that you said about friends call each other out when they do something stupid? Thanks for being a better friend to me than I was to you."

Pauline hugged her and whispered in her ear, "whatever you need to get through this, just call me, okay. I'll do everything I can to help you."

Pauline noticed the unbelievably smug smile on Jackie's face as she announced.

"So, what was that you said about "Not FDA approved?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was an absolute iron bitch to write. Had to rewrite it completely three whole times. But trying to speak in the voice of ancestral memories of a person with whom you share absolutely no DNA or cultural history is a bit of a challenge. One must dip deep down into the wellspring of the collective unconscious. 
> 
> Detailed comments are much appreciated.


	16. Cranium Explodum!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> StarFan13 is absolutely obsessed with protecting and impressing those she respects and loves. 
> 
> Even at the expense of herself.

Jackie took Brittney home.

Things being what they were all parties involved agreed that they should probably take some time apart from each other to allow their respective minds time to recuperate from the day's events.

Once they were out of sight Pauline closed her front door and asked. "Kolibri, are you there?"

A voice replied, "I'm here. But I don't want to talk."

"Why not?"

Kolibri screamed back.

"I just don't want to talk okay!"

Pauline took a deep breath and replied in a soft tone.

"Brittney's subconscious really did a number on you eh?"

Kolibri materialized and grabbed Pauline by her shoulders shouting. "She was so vicious! I couldn't stop her! I've never been so scared!"

Kolibri sat down on a nearby chair and stated.

"I don't want this face anymore."

Pauline asked, "why not?"

"It's not just the face, it's everything. I mean, I can affect the real world now. Subconscious minds aren't supposed to be able to beat people up all by themselves either. But that didn't stop me from laying the smack down on Oskar. I'm changing, but I don't know what I'm changing into. Pauline, I... I want to go back to the way things were before the dream." 

"You... Want to go back to being a nebulous concept?"

"Damn straight, I keep saying that sane people aren't supposed to be able to talk to their own subconscious. The other Star and the other you were bathed in enough magic to tear holes in space and time and neither of them had their own versions of me."

Kolibri shouted, "I mean look at me! I'm a fucking Frankenstein, I'm not all you anymore. I'm a little of Star, a little of Oskar, Jackie. And right now I'm a whole fucking lot of Brittney! And all of her fucking issues! I just want to dissolve, back into the ether, or source or wherever the fuck I came from. I feel like I'm a knife to everyone's throat."

Kolibri pointed at her fangs and whispered, "I mean look at these fucking things, Pauline! I may not live on blood, but harvesting bioenergy is close enough. I'm not even good at being a vampire. Do vampires get the memories and experiences of the people they feed on? If they did they would probably go insane. I'm flooded with memories. But they aren't mine. I don't know where you end, or Jackie or Brittney begin." 

Kolibri looked off into the distance. 

Pauline sat down next to Kolibri and hugged her. She really did feel amazingly solid.

"Kolibri, um, first of all, can you... Can you still change your face?"

"I don't know, I'll try."

Kolibri concentrated on changing into the easiest face that she could manifest.

Pauline announced, "yep, you look like Jackie now."

Kolibri focused on maintaining that face. Once she was sure that it was fixed in place she asked, "okay, I can look like anyone I want. Okay, that's good. But I think it would be easier to maintain Brittney's face."

Pauline took Kolibri's hand and announced, "okay, we are going to need to lay down some ground rules. Extraordinarily obvious rule number one, no harvesting of other people's bioenergy without explicit permission. Rule number two, whenever I say show me your wings, you do so without hesitation. Rule three, we both work on toughing you up."

Kolibri asked, "why? Wouldn't it be easier to just go back to how we were?"

"Because you are the keeper of the memories of the other me from the other timeline. I have taken plenty of looks at those memories as well. Ive seen too much, we can't go back to how we were. You are a part of me, I need you! I need you to keep me from making the same mistakes that the other me's have. The other me who started all this, her life didn't really get better until she started living her suppressed aspects. The one who ate that vampire clearly took things way too far. But I need to be able to talk to you. I need you to advise me, to let me know when I'm screwing up."

Kolibri snapped.

"But you have Jackie for that! I'm a third wheel, I'm excess baggage. Those other you's didn't have friends or they didn't have friends like Jackie. As long as she is around I'm not needed. She is your mirror, she is what you want to be, not me. I'm just a pile of malfunctioning circuits in your..."

Pauline hugged Kolibri, very tightly. Pauline whispered, "and I never would have talked to Jackie directly if you hadn't pushed me. I'm not letting you go Kolibri and that's that!"

Kolibri gulped and added. "There's one more thing, I'm a living manifestation of your darkness, your suppressed aspects. If you become... Darker that doesn't mean that I become the light. I might become darker too. We might... Feed each other's evil tendencies." 

Pauline replied, "you don't seem evil." 

"Perhaps not now, but I can't help but feel that I'm leading you to darker and darker places." 

Pauline stood up and replied, "Kolibri, you know I have been doing a lot of homework on the subconscious ever since you showed up. One of the things I have found over and over again is stories of people being sabotaged in their life by their subconscious. Now, what would any reasonable person rather have? A phantom in their mind tweaking and affecting things with seemingly no rhyme or reason to it? Or a reasonable, conscious partner who can be talked to and talks back?" 

Kolibri smiled and asked, "alright, alright. But how are we going to go about hardening me against being absorbed into other people? I mean, I have a few magical spells and techniques that the other you took from Star but this wasn't a problem for them. They could become one in a nondual state. But they still had their own bodies to go back to. I'm not even a leaf on the wind!" 

Pauline began walking around the room as she concentrated on the task at hand. After a few minutes she asked, "can I see your wings again?"

Kolibri's wings came out. With every new flavor of energy she absorbed her wings had become larger, more corporeal and more iridescent. 

Pauline asked, "can you make a shield of them?"

An image formed in Kolibri's mind of something that Pauline had seen in an art book. Kolibri snapped her fingers and stated.

"Oh, like a seraphim?"

Pauline nodded and Kolibri wrapped her wings around herself. 

Pauline got up and tapped against the field, asking. "Is this taking a lot of effort?"

Kolibri ran her hands over the edges of her wings and smiled.

"Actually no, I think I can keep this up as long as one or both of us is awake."

Pauline smiled and observed. 

"Cool, but, hmm, how are we going to test it for effect?"

As they began to think this over, there was a knock at the door.

"Yo, it's Jackie, I took Brittney home, are you still okay dude?"

Pauline opened the door. 

Jackie walked up to Kolibri, Jackie was utterly entranced by her wings. Jackie asked, "can I, can I touch them?"

Pauline replied, "you can try, but I'm not sure what is going to happen."

Jackie reached out, but her hand wasn't quite able to touch the wings. Pauline explained, "we are working on a way to prevent Kolibri from getting absorbed into other people."

Jackie traced her fingers around the shield, Kolibri observed in a detached tone. "Fascinating, it seems to be using your energy to power it. The harder you press the stronger it gets."

Jackie backed off and pushed a single finger towards Kolibri's nose as gently as she could. As the shield grew stronger Jackie pressed harder. After a moment she was pressing so hard it hurt.

Jackie took her hand back and giggled in amazement. As she smiled at Kolibri, Pauline got a slightly twisted idea.

Pauline ordered, "Kolibri, drop the shield."

Kolibri retracted her wings and the shield faded. Jackie pushed forward again and gently touched Kolibri's face. Jackie announced, "this is, this is so freaking weird dude! I mean, it's like, it feels like she is... Some form of energy. It's not like touching skin it's... Wow." 

Pauline looked at the two of them closely and asked, "kiss her."

They both swung their heads around and asked, "what?"

Pauline started laughing and announced, "oh come on dude, aren't you the one who said that you would be fine with me dating another girl? Well, it's not so much fun when the shoes on the other foot now is it?"

Jackie looked Pauline square in the eyes, grabbed Kolibri by the shoulders and drew her into a passionate kiss.

Pauline's jaw dropped.

Kolibri collapsed. She fell back into the chair in a state of utter disbelief.

Kolibri sprang back up again though and asked, "um, how, who, what, huh!?"

Jackie laughed and announced, "it's not another girl, it's you! A projection of your mind, with Brittney's face, but..." 

She grabbed Kolibri by the shoulders and announced, "I think we have established by now that I like both of you."

Kolibri leaned in and kissed Jackie, delicately on the cheek. Kolibri took a step back and theorized. "It's different when it's someone I like. But, I, I think I could."

Pauline asked, "could what?"

Kolibri took a deep breath and changed her appearance. She was back to looking like Jackie. Only with wings this time. Pauline had an idea what she was going to do and shouted, "no wait, Kolibri, don't! We don't know!"

It was too late.

Kolibri stepped into the same space as Jackie.

Jackie looked over at Pauline with an expression of confusion on her face.

She felt weird.

She felt incredibly powerful.

She felt Kolibri's wings on her back.

Every muscle in Jackie's body felt like it was charged with energy. The wings were all that was left of Kolibri at this point. They began to flap.

Jackie felt herself being raised off the ground.

Jackie looked at her hands. She was overwhelmed by this bizarre sensation of this entity that was her and yet not her. Charged with her own energy almost as much as anyone else's. Jackie looked at herself and looked down at Pauline.

Pauline's eyes had taken on an incredible spiral pattern. A five part spiral. Like the blades of a turbine. Jackie pointed to the wings and asked, "is, is this how you see Kolibri?"

Pauline nodded in the affirmative.

"And how you see me?"

She nodded again.

"And how do you see yourself?"

Pauline's face went from ecstatic to deeply sad.

Jackie descended to the floor as the wings and the physical manifestation of Kolibri faded.

Pauline said one word.

"Weak."

Pauline passed out.

 

 

She was faintly aware that she was someplace that probably didn't exist. 

It was an impossibly vast beige void. There was no Jackie, no Kolibri but Pauline could sense that she wasn't alone.

A human form wandered in from who knows where.

Pauline realized that it was another version of her.

She was so exhausted that as soon as they locked eyes the younger Pauline fell into her older selfs arms.

The younger Pauline realized that she wasn't the same older version of her that started all this. This one was way more muscular. She felt incredibly strong. The younger Pauline felt warm, safe and secure in her arms. The older her said.

"You really scared me there. You bit off way more than you can chew. I'm all that's keeping you alive right now."

The younger Pauline asked.

"Keeping me alive? What?"

"You took too much energy without knowing how to use it. Your blood pressure is incredibly high. I'm draining off the excess, I'm all that's keeping your body from tearing itself apart."

"Okay, thank you?"

"Don't worry, I'll protect you as long as I can. But you can't push yourself too hard with this magic stuff. You don't have Star's wand, you won't be able to keep up with anyone of her abilities without an external power source with a damn good moderator."

The younger Pauline snuggled in closer, saying. "You're so strong and cool and beautiful, I want to grow up to be just like you."

The older one let her go, saying, "don't, please don't. You have your own life and I, I could never forgive myself if you grew up to be like me." 

"What did you go through? You aren't the same as the first one I met. She, she threw herself off a bridge and she was okay. What, what did you go through that could have been worse than that?"

The younger Pauline was faintly aware that she was leaving the void. As she ascended out of the darkness the older her softly replied.

"You don't need to know."

Pauline bolted back to consciousness, yelling, "I do, I do need to know!"

She looked over, Jackie was sitting beside her looking very concerned. Pauline asked in as confident a tone as she could manage, "did I miss anything while I was gone?"

Jackie held up a mirror that had been left on a table nearby.

Pauline saw that she was bleeding out of her eyes, nose and ears. She said, "whoops, sorry, overdid it a bit. Overdid it so much that another version of me from the future told me to knock it off and well, I can see why. My blood pressure is through the roof."

Jackie handed her a box of tissues. Pauline took a handful and tried to wipe away the mess. As Pauline stood up and staggered to the bathroom Jackie asked.

"Pauline, um, what did you mean when you said that you saw yourself as weak?"

As she cleaned herself up Pauline explained. 

"Because I am weak. I'm a kitten compared to any of the older versions of myself. I mean, one of them tore a vampire apart with her teeth. An insanely powerful vampire at that! I've gotta get stronger, I've gotta be strong enough to take everything life throws at me."

Jackie followed her into the bathroom, picked up a wet towel and started wiping away the remaining blood.

"Not like this, Pauline, you do this again and you are going to die."

"Yeah it wasn't very smart. Really says something when a version of yourself from another dimension tells you that you have fucked up but I, it was really cool wasn't it? You flying in the air, suspended in glowing light, those beautiful wings. I didn't think it was possible but you somehow became even more beautiful, Jackie."

Jackie snapped back.

"I don't care about that! I care about you! Seriously, Pauline, you don't have to give yourself a brain aneurysm to impress me. I'm already impressed!"

"You are? By what?"

"Come on dude, you saw the future. Torn trauma out of the body out of one of the nastiest people I have ever met and... You went swimming in the depths of my mind. You don't need to do one more thing to impress me."

Pauline smiled at her and said, "thanks, but that doesn't mean that I'm ever going to stop trying."

Jackie exhaled and replied in a somber tone, "okay, just lay off the stuff that blows up your own brain, please!"


	17. Stalker mode.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> StarFan13 begins to meddle in things that despite all her knowledge and research, she has a very poor understanding of. The chapter wherin she finally talks to Star about the dream.

Four days had passed since her brain almost exploded. Between schoolwork, processing the memories of the other her and the still constant training Pauline was busier than ever.

If anything her training had actually picked up even more since levitating Jackie. Expanding out into some of the more obscure corners of the Internet to sharpen her magical and martial abilities. Something was undeniably driving her on now. She didn't know what, she just knew she had to get stronger... For some reason.

Tonight was a break from that though.

She had hoped that in choosing to live as a different person that she would feel uncomfortable going back to what she had been doing for so long.

But no. This awful habit still fit her like a really comfortable pair of shoes. She had to face it, she was good at stalking people and she was going to have to square this with who she was now.

Much to Pauline's surprise Oskar was able to get his car cleaned up and running faster than she expected. It seems once he was able to properly manage his time he was able to get his life in much better shape in very short order.

Pauline felt kinda proud of this. It did ease a bit of the lingering guilt from hurting him. Not all of it though. She had laid down a firm rule not to use her technique on anyone without their consent after the incident with Brittney.

It was difficult though. Kolibri was being awfully quiet as of late and Pauline really wanted to feed her.

Made all the worse by the fact that there were crowds of people everywhere and Pauline suspected that she could discretely take energy from people around her.

But still she held off as she continued her surveillance.

Of Oskar and Star's date.

Pauline had to see if her meddling with the time stream was going to actually change anything. In the other timeline Star and Oskar's relationship had gone nowhere, slow. She didn't know if this would prevent the disastrous relationship between Star and Marco in the other timeline. But she hoped that at the least it would give Star some perspective and experience with a more reasonable romantic partner than Marco. Or Tom for that matter.

Tom.

Shudder.

Pauline had a decent knowledge of the demon Prince, gleaned from various conversations with Star. She was probably Earth's preeminent expert on him as she was Earth's preeminent expert on Star Butterfly. He came across as a jerk beyond comparison. Pauline didn't even want to imagine how badly things would turn out if Star went back to him. Marco had been a disaster, how could a literal demon be a better choice?

No, following his bioenergy rearrangement Oskar would make a decent boyfriend for Star, at least over the short term while Pauline rethought what her relationship would be with Star going forward.

This was going to be delicate. Despite all the madness she had seen in Star's memories the last thing she wanted to do was hurt Star's feelings. But that was probably inevitable when the truth came out.

She wondered how she could ever explain how things had gone with Star in the other timeline. Just explaining what happened to her and her family would be difficult enough. She couldn't even imagine how the heck she was going to explain that she was consciously trying to wean herself off of her obsession with Star as a smoker tries to give up cigarettes.

One thing at a time.

The date got off to a good start. Oskar picked her up, gave her a bouquet of wild flowers and driven her to a half decent local restaurant. Pauline had taken up an observation position in some nearby bushes.

Even though she hadn't coordinated with Oskar on the exact details of the date it seemed like he knew she was out there and was allowing him and Star to be seen.

In the first part of the date things went well. Star spent most of the time looking at Oskar with an expression of utter joy. But as the date went on Star started talking and after a short while it was becoming clear that this wasn't going to work.

Pauline had a rudimentary knowledge of lip reading. But their expressions said much more than their words. As Oskar told the story of his life; Star grew more and more disillusioned. By the time their dessert came it looked like Star was lecturing Oskar about something.

Oskar was just sitting there looking very sad.

Then came the final nail. The check came and Oskar reached for his pitifully thin billfold. Star tapped his hand and said that she would cover the bill. Oskar insisted that he should pay. Then Star took out her wand and materialized a stack of hundred dollar bills. She peeled off one and handed it to the waiter, telling him to keep the change. Then she very forcefully shoved the remaining bills into Oskar's coat pocket.

Oskar looked absolutely mortified.

From there Star rode with Oskar back to the Diaz home. Pauline followed along behind them on her bicycle. Taking various shortcuts she arrived not long after Oskar and Star did. Oskar walked Star up to the front door and said in a defeated tone, "well, goodnight."

Star asked in a somewhat confused tone, "wait, aren't you going to kiss me?"

"Um, I don't know if I should, I mean that might look..."

"Come on Oskar, we go through all that and you don't even kiss me goodnight? Come on, I've been dreaming of this for months."

Oskar anxiously leaned in and gave Star an innocent peck on the cheek.

Star grabbed him and pulled him into a deep kiss. Oskar panicked. As Star pulled out of the kiss she observed, "huh, that was... Underwhelming, hmm. Goodnight Oskar."

As Star turned to go back in the house Pauline couldn't stop herself. She screamed, "Star! You can't treat people like this!"

Oskar took two steps back in genuine fear and put his hands up. Pauline told him to put his hands down. She looked at Star and grumbled, "all Oskar wanted to do was show you a nice night and you, you... I can't believe that you did this! Over and over again you treat people like... I don't know, toys!"

Star was genuinely confused by this abrupt intrusion as she asked in utter bafflement.

"Over and over again? StarFan, what are you talking about?"

"I mean you are such a... I don't know! Why can't you tune into anyone else's emotions? How can you be so cruel, why can't you talk to anyone outside of a fight? Oskar isn't a fighter and that should be enough for you. He is willing to go along with your insanities! You can't ask anymore of someone."

"Insanities? um, StarFan, you're confusing me."

StarFan.

That name.

That name she had been so proud of for so long until she saw where that obsession had led her.

Abandoned to her grief.

She exploded.

"Did you ever love Oskar!? Did you ever love me? Or was I just your consolation prize? The last line of defense to keep you from destroying everything!"

"Love!? Last line of... StarFan, seriously, what are you talking about?"

She knew.

Now was the time.

Pauline sending Oskar after Star had been a minor hiccup in the flow of events. She had wanted to change the flow of events. To prevent that painful future from happening. She realized that all she needed to do to permanently alter the flow of events was to grab Star's dimensional scissors and inform her of their actual owner.

This would save Marco from a lot of pain.

But did she want to save Marco?

Worse than that she would have to explain how she had come by these memories. And that would permanent change her relationship with Star. There was simply no getting around the fact that a future version of her had slept with Star.

Slept with?

More like had torn her to pieces, body, mind and spirit down to the molecular level.

Pauline knew Star better than anyone in the world ever could.

And with that knowledge, in this timeline she had rejected Star vehemently.

"Star, I'm sorry, but I'm not StarFan13 anymore. I don't go by that name anymore. My name is Pauline Long. I can't be your StarFan anymore. I'm... I'm with Jackie now. But you need to know the reason why I... A few weeks ago I met myself in a dream. An older version of me who was in a relationship with you. It was bad Star, really really bad. My life was weird, your life had been a nightmare. It all rotated around Marco and a really awful thing that happened to him."

Pauline breathed deeply and explained, "your dimensional scissors, the ones you got from Ponyhead. They don't belong to her, she stole them from Hekapoo. If you return them to her and apologize then perhaps she won't hurt Marco."

Pauline's breath became ragged, there was one last thing she had to say. But she didn't know if she had the strength to say it.

Star still looked confused.

Pauline felt a hand embrace her right hand.

She looked up to see Oskar was trying to reassure her.

Pauline could see his eyes. Those impossibly entrancing, sparkling eyes.

Pauline realized that she could say it.

"I'm incredibly jealous of Marco. Like psychotically jealous. I shouldn't be. I shouldn't hate him like I do but I couldn't help it. He got you, he got Jackie. So I took Jackie away from him. I just felt... It seemed like it was greedy on his part to get you and her so I... I took what I wanted. But as much as I hate him I, I don't want to see him get tortured for sixteen years."

Star took the scissors out of her pocket and solemnly asked.

"These belong to Hekapoo?"

"Yeah, and I can prove it too."

Pauline gestured to go inside.

They went into the kitchen where Pauline fired up the gas stove. Marco just happened to be inside watching tv and joined them in the kitchen. Pauline explained to all of them.

"The other Marco said this is how he and Hekapoo met. She pulled him into a dimensional portal and showed him that these scissors were hers, not ponyhead's."

Pauline dipped the blades into the flame.

They became charged.

Star was the only person there who could actually read what was written.

"Hekapoo. Well, I suppose that Ponyhead and I are going to have to talk about this tomorrow. Um, thank you StarF... Oh wait, what do you want us to call you again?"

"Pauline, Pauline long. I'm sorry about all this."

Star held up her hands and stated.

"No, no, it's fine. Better to find out like this than to have Hekapoo walk in here and start throwing people into other dimensions."

Oskar stated, "um, it looks like you three have some things to talk about so I'll be going okay?"

Pauline nodded somberly, Star waved her hand dismissively.

Marco looked up and said, "Star, what's going on?"

Pauline asked, "um, Marco, this is kinda rude I admit it being your house and all. But Star and I need to talk alone."

Star gestured for Pauline to come up to her room. Pauline couldn't believe how serious things had gotten all of a sudden. As the scissors cooled Star put them away and asked. "So, you know about the future eh?"

Pauline explained.

"Yes, well, no. That future that the other me lived can't happen anymore. Too many things have changed. It's, it's just a fading nightmare for me now."

Star asked, "you said that the two of us were in a relationship. What was it like?"

Pauline replied, "fun! But painful. The older me has this weird technique where I do... It's like psychotherapy and maintenance on your magical abilities. You had become incredibly powerful, but you also had a bad case of PTSD. You had spent ten years fighting monsters nonstop. Once all the monsters were gone I... I was the only friend you had left. You had been so busy fighting monsters that Marco had taken over Mewni, turned it into a republic and got into a relationship with Hekapoo. You went into exile, I found you and I did what I could to pick up the pieces."

"Ten years? Ten years of fighting monsters?"

"Yes."

Star sighed, she explained, "Pauline, here's the thing. Mom didn't teach me too much about magic before she gave me the wand. But something she did teach me is that prophets are dangerous. They are always there, holding up their signs that the end is near. But when they have proof of their claims they must be taken seriously. Listen, Pauline, I'm. I'm going to do some reading and try to think this thing through. Don't tell anyone else about this, okay."

Pauline nodded happily.

As she got up to leave she bowed to Star and stated, "I look forward to explaining things to you further."

They didn't know but someone had been eavesdropping on their conversation.

Sir Glossarick of Terms had been listening to the whole thing, from inside the book, under Star's bed.

As Pauline walked out of Star's room he sighed, shook his head and whispered, "oh kid, what have you done?"

 

* * *

 

Across the universe a hand stirred.

A hand encased in a stone like substance.

It cracked and fractured as it worked free.

"Ahhhhhhh"

What appeared to be a statue of a man in armor was coming to life. As it moved around it began to tear off the scale and dust that had built up on his body over the millennia.

He began to take off his armor as he collapsed to the floor.

His legs weren't strong enough to keep him up.

Yet.

He looked around.

His compatriots were starting to stir. They would need guidance soon. And the man on the floor would have to be the one to give it.

He crawled with great effort to the crystal ball in the center of the hall.

It was likewise covered in dust and filth. Unreadable.

He needed water.

He activated a mechanism that he had hoped was still working and a stream of water began to flow through a series of channels in the building.

Flowing to the crystal ball. Where a central drain would take the water elsewhere. Ensuring a continuous flow of pure liquid.

As the water washed around the crystal ball the man, no, he remembered his title now. He grabbed the ball to wash off the filth.

As the ball became translucent again he gasped.

"Oh no."

Someone, somewhere had found a way to violate one of the universes most fundamental rules.

As a dozen other figures groaned and collapsed to the floor in a clanking mess of armor, reanimated flesh and crud the Hierophant announced.

"Everyone, we have a mission, causality has been disturbed."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just trying to get back into the swing of writing. Well, of this part of the story. Been spending a lot of time on the later chapters but the bridge between those chapters and where we are now has to be built sometime.


	18. Washout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh what? You didn't think we were done with Brittney Wong were you?

This was something new.

Someplace she had never been before.

She had seen pictures of similar places. But Pauline was pretty sure she would have recalled actually visiting a place like this in real life.

It was incredible, indescribable. The whole place had an air of being real, and yet there was something that said that it was unreal. Something that said so insistently and clearly.

The fact that the entire place had an inch of warm, salty water flowing gently across the floor certainly helped. Pauline lived near the ocean, she knew how corrosive saltwater was. 

Everything seemed to be made of various shades of some kind of purple stone. With the occasional bit of gold. Flakes of gold in the stone or rich gold leaf. Built in a ridiculously ornate baroque style. Pauline felt like she was spending a fortune just walking through this place.

Despite the stone and despite the water. Everything felt warm and welcoming, the smell of sweet fragrances wafted on the air.

It was beautiful, everything was just beautiful. 

As Pauline walked through the place she noticed that she wasn't wearing any shoes, but she had some sort of ugly black filth on her feet.

It was being washed off by the water. Seemed to be sizzling a bit, but it wasn't painful. It actually felt quite invigorating. Kinda like the fizz of Alka seltzer. 

She also realized that she was wearing a simple but beautiful white dress that showed off her... Admittedly limited assets as well as any dress probably could.

Pauline spun around, allowing the dress to air out. She felt beautiful, in a way she had never really felt before in her life. She ran her tongue across her teeth, her braces were gone.

The realization that she was not entirely herself made her profoundly uncomfortable.

The sounds of waves crashing against a beach lead her through a long hallway to an area open to the world outside.

Off in the distance spread a beautiful white sand beach outside the building. An ocean stretched into the distance. The whole environment was lit by a bizarrely bright and gigantic full moon. 

The building continued into the ocean. Making a kind of large patio. Still submerged in a small amount of water.

Sitting in the midst of it all was familiar looking young woman. Sipping a glass of what looked like orange juice. She was sitting in a stone chair next to a small circular stone table.

Pauline sat down in the chair opposite her and observed, "well Kolibri you have really outdone yourself this time. I didn't see anything in Star's memories that looked half this awesome!"

She put down the glass and stated, "thank you. But I'm not Kolibri."

Anxiety shot through Pauline. She recognized the voice, this wasn't Kolibri alright.

"I'm the real Britney."

Pauline replied.

"The real... Oh no, Brittney's subconscious!"

"No, not her subconscious. I'm all of her. Her complete form. Conscious, subconscious. I'm a completely psychologically integrated bitch. A form of a girl that might yet be, but does not exist just yet. I'm no longer Brittney, now I am Britney!" 

"Huh?" 

"Oh, same name, I just dropped a T." 

"Okay, in that case what am I doing here, and what is this place?"

Britney asked. "How do you know it's not your dream? How do you know I'm not a figment of your imagination?"

Pauline gestured around and said, "this... Isn't me, I imagine different things, and I have never once imagined myself dressed like this. I mean, I like being a girl but I have never felt this girly in my life. It feels like any minute some brawny beefcake straight off the cover of a trashy romance novel is going to walk in here, take me into one of these rooms and, well, you know the rest."

Britney took another sip of her tea and replied, "well, I can't give you a big handsome guy with an unbuttoned white shirt and abs for days. But I can give you that." 

Pauline asked, "give me what?" 

Britney pointed behind Pauline. There was an eight foot tall woman behind her, Pauline exclaimed. "What the... Is that? Your sister?" 

Before anything more could be said the eight foot tall woman walked across the patio and began to throttle Pauline. As the Giants hands wrapped around her neck the giant coldly stated. "You won't ever amount to anything. You are nothing compared to me." 

Pauline thrashed around at first, then she calmed down and carefully grabbed around the Giants hands and pried her fingers loose. The giant looked down at her and said, "you think you can stop me. This is adorable, just adorable." 

Pauline breathed and thought, " _okay, I'm in a fantasy world, facing an impossible creature. Only one thing to do now."_

Pauline tried to imagine a weapon, nothing happened. 

_"Okay, that's not going to work, so let's try this."_

Pauline ran back into the building and saw that the giant couldn't fit through the hallway. For a moment Pauline exhaled in triumph. Then the giant began reducing itself in size.

"Oh crap." 

No weapons, no knowledge of that was going on, no Kolibri. This giant clearly wanted to hurt her. Pauline only had one option left. 

Right before the giant was small enough to chase her down the hallway, Pauline started running towards it. She tackled the monster to the ground. As water splashed everywhere the giant shouted, "wait! You can't!" 

It was too late. 

Pauline started pounding the Giants face with everything she had. She grabbed it by the scruff of its neck and held its head underwater. 

Pauline didn't stop until it stopped moving. Once that happened it began to dissolve. 

Britney was standing over her now, still sipping her orange juice. Pauline examined her bruised knuckles and asked, "okay, would you care to explain what the hell that was about?" 

Britney replied, "those were my issues with my sister that you just drowned. If you think I'm a queen bitch... well, you met her once, didn't you?" 

Pauline thought back to the memory. A brief meeting in a school parking lot. Britney's older sister Nicole had not been as talky as Britney. But Pauline hadn't been able to learn much about her other than that she was ambitious. Pauline had been physically unable to talk to her. 

Now she had just beaten a giant version of her to death with her bare hands. 

Pauline stood up, feeling the injuries and water dissolving off of her body she asked. "Okay, so, for arguments sake let's say I just beat your psychological issues with your sister to death. I still want to know, what the hell is all this?" 

Britney explained, "after Jackie took me home the last time we talked, I fell asleep. I woke up here. This place is... I suppose it's like a lucid dream? But it's more solid. Every time I fall asleep I wake up here. This is what I can do when my mind isn't overwhelmed with all the stupid shit that makes me the me that you all know and don't like. This is what I can do with I can think straight. This is a combination of several places my family went on vacation too. The floor is from Hearst castle, the walls are from a villa in Tuscany, the doorway?"

Pauline looked up and immediately recognized the imagery.

"Yep, Da Vinci's Last Supper. Impressive detail. So... This is cool but why and how have you built all this?" 

Britney replied, "I took something from you when I tried to consume your subconscious. I'm still not sure exactly what and how much I have taken from you, but I do know that I took some memories from you. I also found some memories from the older Star Butterfly about the building of pocket dimensions. The more time I spend here, the more solid and detailed it becomes." 

Pauline looked around and said, "well, it's beautiful, but it's also a reflection of you isn't it? This castle is haunted by the ghosts of all the rotten shit floating around in your mind isn't it?" 

Britney nodded and continued. 

"Pauline... Listen I... When our subconscious minds got tangled together something got... You... Christ! Okay, I suppose the best way to explain it is that all my life I have been angry. Angry at everything and I have never understood why. Whenever anything wasn't perfect, and nothing ever was I flew into a rage. Look at the mural, it's old, flaky, someone carved a doorway into the bottom of it. When I saw that mural in real life I got angry because it wasn't perfect when I should have just appreciated it for what it was and I should have felt grateful for the chance to see it in person. This... I want to atone for that. When I... My subconscious wanted power. She wanted to absorb the minds of other people. More and more people until I had the power to create a perfect world. This pocket dimension allows me to create a world according to my rules. A clean and elegant world with none of the problems that the real world has." 

Pauline replied, "well, except for whatever problems that you bring into it." 

Britney walked over to a stone wall that stood between them and the sea. Looking out on the imaginary ocean stretching off to the horizon she stated, "which is why I need you here. I need you to fight my demons. I need you to show me the elements of magic that I need to fill the holes in this reality. Once this pocket dimension is complete and self sustaining I will not need to bother you, or anyone else ever again. This place allows me to take my problems and rebuild them into something useful. And I don't think that I can keep this place intact without your help." 

Britney turned around and pointed at Pauline's feet. Pauline looked down and saw that the filth on her feet had dissolved completely. It had been incredibly thick and tar like but saltwater has an incredible ability to dissolve most things if given enough time. Pauline lifted her right foot out of the water entirely. Pauline didn't feel good about all this. It seemed like once again, after getting a modicum of magical ability, that Britney had gone mad with power. Only now her madness was pointed inward instead of outward. Still, what Britney had created was absolutely incredible, Pauline asked, "okay, so, once again, strictly for the sake of argument. What would my help entail?"

Britney turned around and announced, "I need you to visit me here as often as you can and... destroy parts of me."

Pauline growled, "oh for the love of... No!" 

Britney explained, "it's not going to be like with the other Star. Since I have given... Form to my own nightmares this will be a completely different process than what happened with Star. It won't be nearly as sexual. It will be more like a free exchange of ideas in a dream world. Not stripping things out of someone in a very... rapey fashion." 

Pauline added, "oh no, just a pleasant conversation with the occasional act of cold blooded murder." 

Britney shook her head and exclaimed, "it's not murder, all you are killing is the parts of myself I don't like." 

Pauline asked, "and if I say no?"

Britney replied, "then I will be trapped in this castle until I figure a way out of here. And until I do you will be stuck in the real world with angry Brittney. And come on you freaking created me! Don't you feel some sort of obligation to your creation?" 

Pauline groaned, shoved two fingers into her mouth and explained. "So either do it now or you will force me to do it later. Great, just frigging great! You seem to understand that I have consciously rejected that timeline because I was horrified by the image of my older self mind-raping Star. So, it's either hack and chop my way through the darkest depths of your mind. Or..." 

Britney grabbed Pauline by the neck and stated, "listen, it's either deal with my inner demons in here. Or let them free to hurt people in the real world!" 

Britney let go and changed her tone from threatening to apologetic. 

"Okay, that went too far, I'm sorry. It's just, you have given me a glimpse of a version of me that is so much better than what I am now. I want to be that person, I'll do anything to become that person. You started this, I need you to finish it! I need you to set me free. I need you to release me from this... Obsession with you. I can't, I mean I know you are with Jackie now. Im not actually going to stalk you, okay? Besides even if we could have that kind of relationship I'm in no position to start dating a girl."

Britney finished with the words, "especially a girl like... "

Pauline replied deadpan, "oh, miss cheer captain can't be caught hanging around with one of the most unpopular kids in school?" 

Britney explained, "oh don't be such a baby. Everyone knows after you knocked my teeth out your popularly rating went up a few notches. But that's the thing isn't it? If we were to start dating in real life I would look like a doormat. The stereotypical battered girlfriend. Even if there wasn't that history there's no getting around that I would be your bottom bitch, always second to Jackie. Even if you broke up with Jackie tomorrow, it would look incredibly bad for me. I can't afford to look like that." 

She capped it all off by saying.

"Oh, and my father would flip the fuck out! If he knew I was dating a girl he would probably disown me. I'd probably be kicked out of the house and wind up homeless. Nicole is already the apple of his eye, me dating you would probably be an excellent reason to cut me out of his life entirely. So, no, as obsessed as I am with you even if Jackie wasn't in the picture we can't date. Which is why I need you to just..."

She let go of Pauline's shoulders.

"Right now I only exist here. The me that exists in the real world? The me whose teeth you knocked out? That's not me. I am a possibility, a small possibility of what the person you know as Brittney might become. When you mixed our minds together I was created and you need to take responsibility for your creation."

Pauline asked one last thing. 

"This is really your dream? Your fantasy? You and me in a leaky castle? It's so small and damp and crazy and... Lonely." 

Britney sighed and replied, "right now this is a compromise for me. In order to be around you at this level of existence in a pocket dimension I have to take energy from you. When I do that you get so overheated that you need to cool off. As magical energy discharges from you, it becomes part of this. This whole planet and a good chunk of this pocket dimension exists only because of your... Exhaust. This world is as much your creation as mine. It would be a shame for its only use to be a prison." 

Pauline blinked.

She felt awful. 

Pauline asked, "why can't you just..? I don't know, do the work yourself?" 

Britney replied, "because I don't know how. I don't know the difference between your memories, the other Star's memories. I think I have done very well here so far all by myself. But I need someone who knows physics and magic and myself to go further. You are the only person on this planet who knows all that. Please, I will give you anything you need." 

Pauline grew incredibly nervous as she asked, "and what, exactly do, I, need?" 

Britney leaned in, inches away from Pauline's ear and whispered.

"You want to understand what the other you did to the other Star. You want to understand why they did what they did?" 

Britney took on a truly creepy tone. "As a matter of fact, how about I show you one of my other ideas for you to fix me?" 

They were in another part of the castle.

Britney was lying down on a white marble altar. A thick black ooze was secreting from all over her body. The ooze covered Britney's face entirely. It was pouring out of her eyes and mouth. It was reminicent of the filth that had coated Paulines feet. 

It spread out, dripping all over the white marble altar that they were both lying on. The white marble contrasting dramatically with the purple that made up the rest of the castle. It reminded Pauline of nothing so much as some ancient pagan sacrifice.

Except.

Britney had a look of ecstatic joy on her face. She was laughing as she coughed out the horrible black gunk. 

Pauline had the most awful compunction to lick every last bit of it off of Britney's body. 

Britney stated in an otherworldly voice, "you want me to become whole? All you have to do is love me. All of me, even the evil parts." 

A voice screamed in Pauline's head.

_"Wake up dammit."_

_"Wake up before it's too late!"_

_"Wake up before this comes true!"_

Pauline bolted upright.

She was in her room.

Quiet.

Alone.

She touched her face and body to confirm that she was wearing pajamas, not a dress.

She collapsed back into the bed.

Kolibri was lying next to her. Pauline asked.

"You... woke me up didn't you?"

Kolibri replied. "Yeah, that was, that was fucking insane!" 

"She didn't try to eat you again did she?"

"No, I was just a silent, invisible observer. But when I saw her on that altar I started screaming. Good to know I can scream loud enough to wake us up."

Pauline breathed deeply and replied, "yeah, who would have imagined that fucked up shit lying in her subconscious?' 

Kolibri replied, "beautiful shit too. You know I'm starting to feel more comfortable with this face again. It's good to know she isn't just a bitch coated bitch with bitch filling."

Pauline chuckled, "heh, yeah."

The next day as Pauline was bicycling towards school she was flagged down halfway there by a figure wearing a huge coat and giant sunglasses.

Pauline had hoped that it wasn't a shared dream, that it had just been some bizarrely detailed fantasy. But as she looked Brittney over she asked, "last night wasn't just in my head was it?"

Britney said nothing she simply handed her a drawing.

It was crudely done, but Pauline recognized it immediately. It was the white marble altar. Around the margins were doodles of various other images from the castle they had dreamt of.

Pauline shook her head in the affirmative and said, "alright, so apparently we shared a dream last night."

Britney announced, "my phone number is on the bottom of the page. Do not call me until four o'clock this evening. We will go from there. You will not speak to me or even look at me today, got it?!"

Pauline leaned in and said, "oh? What if I want to prove that everything is cool between us by kissing you in front of everyone?"

Britney murmured, "that would be a very bad idea."

Pauline looked down, Britney was holding a small can of pepper spray just outside a pocket. Pauline immediately threw her hands up and replied, "okay, it's probably for the best that we have some protective measures in place. Don't want you to get stuck together again."

Britney brusquely stated, "don't remind me" and walked away.

School was its normal boring routine that day. But over lunch Pauline told Jackie about the shared dream and Britney's intent to do... Something with her after school. Quite naturally Jackie asked.

"Okay dude, do you want me to back you up?"

"Yeah, kind of. I'm, I don't trust her at all so if I don't check in at eight o'clock tonight I want you to track my phone. If Britney kills me, or, and I really hate that this is a possibility. If I kill her I want you to send every single cop you can find after me."

Jackie looked askance as she asked, "dude, cops? I mean... really?"

Pauline replied firmly, "yeah really. Brittney with two Ts was a bitch beyond compare and the one with one T is thirty one flavors of crazy. And you of all people know how I bring out the crazy in people."

Jackie shook her head in the negative and insisted.

"I'm not so worried about her hurting you physically. I'm more concerned that she might lure you into something weirder. I mean, let's say you get trapped in this castle somehow. Where will that leave you? Will you be in a coma? Will Kolibri be in charge of your body until you escape?" 

Pauline replied. "It's weird I admit but I'm hoping this will be the end of my dealings with Britney, one T or two or whatever version of her exists in this particular part of spacetime." 

Pauline looked Jackie in the eyes and said, "hey, once this is over it's just going to be you and me, got it?"

Jackie smiled and replied, "then go ahead and finish this."

After school Pauline was texted a strict set of instructions.

She was to go to Britney's home by an alleyway, she was not to go in the front door. She was to pass through an unlocked garden gate. She was to lock the gate behind her. She was to proceed directly to the Wong family's guest house in the back of their property.

Once she got to the guest house she was to knock on the front door three times. As she did so the door opened.

Britney was waiting inside, she grabbed Pauline by the scruff of the neck and pulled her in. She demanded in a harsh tone.

"You weren't followed, were you?"

"No one follows me and even if they did, I'm really good at sneaking around."

Pauline looked around and observed, "guest house eh?"

Britney snapped, "oh don't give me that! You have probably been in my house a bunch of times. You... Stalker! You degenerate pervert! I bet you have snuck into my room and tried on my panties!"

Pauline replied deadpan, "ha ha no. Don't flatter yourself. I have gone by here a few times, but breaking and entering is a crime. Never mind the fact that your parents probably would have found me if I had gone poking around in your drawers. I have no desire to get shot and apparently your Dad owns at least one gun. You made sure to put that awful thing back right?"

Britney exhaled and said, "yeah, I was, wow I really don't know what I was thinking when I stole that."

"You weren't thinking. Well, you were thinking with your basest instincts. You were thinking about how much you wanted to take over the world. So, let's... not do that. How about we get to, um whatever the heck it is we are here to do?"

Britney nodded politely and led Pauline further into the guest house. She had a bedroom set up with a bed in the middle of the room where Pauline could walk around it. Without a moments hesitation Britney jumped on the bed and said, "well, let's do this then."

Pauline rubbed the back of her neck anxiously and explained. 

"Um, I'm going to tell you something similar to what I told Jackie. This isn't going to be easy. This is most likely going to be brutal, it is going to be weird and you have requested that I... Destroy you."

Britney replied, "destroy parts of me. I said destroy parts of me. Listen, I don't like this very much either. But you, dammit, you linked your soul with me and I have to get this out of me!" 

"What do you need to get out of you?"

"The better me, the not angry version of me. She is still trapped in my head, surrounded by all sorts of awful things in that castle. I need you to rescue her."

Pauline got a chair and sat down at the head of the bed. She put her hands on opposite sides of Britney's head and stated. "Okay, I'll see what I can do. I can't make any promises though."

Pauline breathed.

She really wished Jackie was here.

She wished she had something to facilitate the process. Some drug or something brimming with magical energy that would make this so much easier.

She breathed.

She calmed her breathing until it was on synchronization with Britney. 

She really wished Jackie was here. 

As they breathed together time seemed to slow.

Pauline leaned over Britney and opened her eyes.

Britney looked up to see a turbine pattern forming.

Britney smiled and allowed the process to unfold.

Pauline blinked.

She was back in the castle.

The altar room, Pauline realized that Britney had replicated their positions in the real world.

Only now the altar room was infested with all sorts of monsters.

Strange creatures that looked like everything from greasy little goblins and giant centipedes to eight foot tall living statues.

And various kinds of half human half something else monster in between.

Britney was lying atop the altar with a bouquet of various colored flowers in her hands as the monsters skulked around the room.

Pauline stood over her and asked, "um, care to explain what the heck this is?"

Britney kept her eyes closed as she replied in a detached, clinical tone, "you shattered my anger into its component parts. Everything you see is representative of something that pisses me off. I need you to destroy it, all of it."

Pauline replied, "are you nuts!? I'm not going to just..."

Pauline was interrupted by another giant seizing her by the neck and hoisting her into the air.

The giant looked familiar. Not unlike Britney's father. Pauline squeaked out, "daddy issues I presume?"

The giant sneered at her with an expression of utter contempt. Pauline hit the arms of the giant ineffectively. It felt like it was made of solid granite. 

" _Okay, I'm inside Britney's mind and her mind is attacking me. So, might as well see if this works this time."_

Pauline tried to imagine a weapon, anything at all. A thought form emerged in her hand. That of her fathers Beretta. As the giants grip grew tighter she swung it towards the giants stomach and fired.

As she pumped bullet after bullet into its chest the giant crumbled.

Another giant attacked, this one appeared to be female. Pauline didn't care what it represented, she just fired on it as well. It crumbled in much the same way as the first one.

Then all the monsters in the castle decided to attack.

Pauline concluded that a pistol was just not going to be the right tool for this job. She concentrated and the pistol turned into a chainsaw.

As she plunged the chainsaw into the skull of what appeared to be a female clown in an incredibly slutty costume Pauline observed.

"Huh, so this is what's it's like. To do what Star does. Even though I have her memories, it's... It's different to actually do this yourself. To actually hurt these things."

The monsters didn't appear to have blood, they seemed to be filled with some kind of fowl smelling black stuff.

They weren't strong. Several didn't even put up a fight. They seemed to want to die. They had the appearance of creatures that knew that they weren't supposed to exist. Over and over again Pauline slashed them into pieces and over and over again they kept on coming.

Until they were all dead.

Pauline faintly realized that she was completely covered in the toxic black filth. 

She allowed the chainsaw to dissolve back into the ether. As she stood in the midst of a veritable sea of viscera she observed that this place had been well designed for just such an event. The water flowing through the room was already washing away the carnage. Even the bodies were being dissolved by saltwater. 

Pauline turned around, Britney was sitting on the altar now. Holding a single red rose with a slightly sick looking smile on her face. She stated, "you know that's the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for me."

As Pauline tried to scrape the filth off of her she replied, "yeah? Well if I had known that was going to happen like this I would have told you to go piss up a rope!"

Britney tittered, "oh come on, you loved it and you know it. This is just your sort of thing, attack the castle, rescue the princess."

Pauline grumbled, "you made it sound like I was going to handle all these things one at a time. And how the hell was I able to imagine weapons that time where I couldn't before?" 

Britney replied, "I am God in this dimension, whatever I say goes. I granted you permission to imagine small things and you did so exactly as well as I expected. As to why you had to face all those things at once, what can I say, I'm impatient." 

Then she lied back down on the altar and closed her eyes. Pauline asked, "okay, now what the heck are you doing?" 

"I'm asleep."

"No, you just have your eyes closed."

"The only way to break the curse is to storm the castle, kill the monsters and wake the princess with true loves kiss."

"Britney, you are not a princess, and even if you were I don't love you that way!" 

An evil smile curled across Britney's face as she replied. "Ah, but you do love me, don't you?" 

Pauline sighed and leapt on top of the altar.

"Listen you maniac, I have just spent the last ten minutes slaughtering my way through your brain. Are you sure you want me to kiss you?"

Britney opened her eyes, grabbed Pauline's face and stated.

"I think you look absolutely beautiful."

They kissed.

More water poured into the room. Within moments the entire chamber was flushed like a toilet. Clearing out the remaining carnage and darkness.

Somehow Pauline and Britney were not flushed along with it.

Pauline was clean.

So was Britney.

Pauline observed. "Well, that was different."

Britney replied, "I'm a bitch, I know that. I'm a high strung, pretentious, awful person. But, Pauline, you... Really love me, all of me, you love my deepest darkest parts enough to grant them a quick and painless oblivion." 

Pauline gently took Britney's hand and started tearing up. "Love? This is madness! you... You hated me up until a week ago."

Britney replied, "I wish I hadn't. I wish we could have talked, really talked before. I wish I could have gotten to know who you really are before now."

Pauline asked with every bit of sincerity that she could possibly muster.

"Who am I? To you?"

Britney replied somberly. "Someone who will wade into the deepest depths of my mind and kill the monsters there. Someone who will do things for me that literally no one else can do." 

Pauline shook her head and stated, "oh come on, plenty of people would have done that. Psychologists do it for a living. Star, I'm sure if she was in my shoes she would have done it for you."

"Possibly, but Star didn't do it for me. You did." 

Britney had changed alright. Changed more than Pauline could have imagined. Her rage had been like a chronic pain, now free from it she wasn't sure what to do. Now she just wanted to love.

Pauline choked out the words, "it's not fair. It's not fair that... I... I can't be with you! I'm in a relationship with Jackie, it's not fair! I finally get my head in the game and... If you had any idea how long I followed you?! How long I studied you? obsessed over you!"

Britney replied, "it's okay, perhaps it's just symmetry. Now it's my turn to pine away for you?"

"No, no you have to... We can't, it's like you said, your father would probably, like, literally kill me."

Britney relaxed back onto the bed and observed, "yeah you are probably right. Lucky for us he can't see us, can he?"

Pauline blinked.

The castle was gone.

They were back in the guest house.

Britney was breathing heavily, sweating. She exploded off the bed and ran to a nearby toilet. As she purged Pauline observed, "oh yeah, nausea is a common symptom of this process."

Once Britney was done she rinsed her mouth out with water and mouthwash and staggered back into the room.

Pauline looked around.

It was night.

"Oh no."

She reached for her cell phone.

7:52.

She still had time, barely. She hammered out a quick message to Jackie.

"Olive."

It was a code word. "Radish" meant send in the cavalry. Olive meant that everything was fine. Jackie texted back, "ok".

Pauline collapsed onto the floor. Utterly mentally and spiritually exhausted. 

As Britney stumbled back into the room she grabbed Pauline by the hand.

Pauline looked up and asked, "did... Did I just spend three and a half hours slaughtering your internal demons?'

Britney smiled and nodded in the affirmative. Pauline sighed and added.

"Felt like ten minutes at most."

Britney replied, "didn't feel like that to me. I saw you shoot, bludgeon and chainsaw every last one of them to pieces. I... I have never felt so happy in my life. All that anger, it's all gone. Washed back into the collective unconsciousness."

Pauline asked. "Did, did you really mean that about loving me even when I go berserk?"

Britney threw her arms around her and smiled, stating kindly.

"Especially when you go berserk, you are really good at it Pauline."

It was the eyes again. Jackie's eyes were something that Pauline could stare into for hours and did. Kolibri's eyes with their expression of universal love and their turbine pattern inherited from the older version of herself had been similarly entrancing. Britney's eyes, with Britney's chronic case of resting bitch face had little more than malice and exasperation behind them.

But not anymore. They seemed to have patience now. 

Pauline sat back up, utterly exhausted. "We... We are back in the real world. I, I can't do anything more with you or to you. This has already gone beyond anything that I thought would be possible without, I don't know, borrowing Star's wand."

Britney replied, "you have already done enough. Come on, I'll take you home."

Britney led Pauline out to a car, Pauline asked, "you are not going to drive me home are you?"

"What? I have my learners permit, and besides, with tinted windows it's not like anyone can see there is a kid behind the wheel."

Pauline clarified, "a kid who just had someone running around with a chainsaw inside their head?"

"It will be fine. Remember, pocket dimension, that wasn't my actual brain."

Pauline was too exhausted to argue otherwise.

After a short drive Britney dropped Pauline off near her house. Pauline estimated that if her father was working late as he often did he would probably not be home for at least another ten minutes or so. As she stumbled towards her home she looked back one last time.

To see Britney with an incredibly hopeful look on her face. Pauline sighed again and said as quietly as she could. 

"It's just not fair, not fair at all."


	19. Let sleeping StarFans lie.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pauline Long gets some trigger time. 
> 
> And has a little incident with some new neighbors.

As they came to the end of the dirt road Pauline was actually kinda glad that there was someone waiting for them.

In the course of their workouts together she had been stunned to find out that her father was not as physically strong as she was. Years of a sedentary lifestyle and office work had turned her father from a perfectly average specimen of middle aged American masculinity into a flabby mess.

Not that there was anything wrong with that.

Pauline wasn't quite that high speed, low drag just yet. She was not yet one of those insufferable people who berated people for their lack of fitness.

As they had worked out Pauline had learned a lot about her father. But he had learned relatively little about her. Pauline still guarded her secrets from him, especially Kolibri. Still, as they had lifted weights and whatnot he had become more and more open until Pauline asked the question that had been really bothering her.

"Dad, why do you own a gun?"

"What? Uh, what gun?"

"Your sock drawer, you have a Beretta 92 pistol, why?"

He stopped jogging on the treadmill and sat down. Genuinely shocked that she knew about the gun, let alone the type and brand. He took a deep swig of water and sighed.

"I, I bought that gun a few weeks after you were born. There was a home invasion down the street from us. The family there, they got beaten up pretty badly. After that I realized that I never wanted to allow anything like that to happen to my family so I bought that pistol. How do you know about it?"

Pauline looked at him with an expression that asked, "seriously?"

"Dad, it's in a sock drawer, you didn't store it in a safe which is what you should have done. So, have you ever shot it?"

In an incredulous tone he replied.

"Shoot it? No, we have never been robbed. Why would I have to shoot it?"

Pauline sighed and explained.

"Because it's a gun, it's a mechanical device. You need to know how it works and keep it maintained. Do you really think that you will suddenly become an action movie star and be able to hit the target effortlessly if a bad guy shows up? Tell you what, how about we take that thing out into the woods one day and shoot it. It will be a bonding experience for us."

He replied in a somewhat confused tone.

"Okay, if you say so. When did you get so interested in guns?"

"Oh, I've been talking to some people who like them. I want to see if I like them too."

The day had come.

Pauline and her father were in a particularly remote area north of Echo Creek where they figured they wouldn't be bothered. As they came up the road they heard the pop of slow, aimed gunfire. Pauline's father asked if they should turn away and come back when there was no one around. But Pauline insisted that they continue on.

There was an old man shooting at a paper target with a long rifle. Pauline didn't know what kind of rifle it was, for all that she had learned about guns since the cross time dream she didn't quite recognize it.

The old man stopped shooting and looked behind. Pauline got out of the car and waved at him.

He put down his rifle and gestured for her to come over.

She greeted him cheerfully, "hi, my name is Pauline. My dad and I came out here to shoot, we have a Beretta 92, what do you have?"

He nodded and replied, "nice to meet you Pauline, my name is Harvey, I'm shooting a M14 and a Sig 210. Want to have a look?"

Pauline walked over and looked at the two guns he had propped on the tailgate of his pickup. Pauline observed that they were both unloaded with their bolt and slide locked open. While her father parked the car she asked, "may I handle them?"

Harvey gestured for her to go ahead. She picked up the M14.

It was heavy, but amazingly well balanced. It had a sinuousness to it that she enjoyed. Harvey took off his earmuffs and asked, "did you bring hearing protection?"

She shook her head. He put his earmuffs on her and asked, "want to know how this works?"

She nodded politely.

Harvey put in a set of earplugs, then picked up a loaded magazine and gave it to her. She looked at it for a moment and tried to load it into the gun. It took a couple of tries, but it locked in. She reached up for the charging handle and gave it a tug.

Even though the older her was not familiar with the M14, her muscle memory from the other timeline carried over to the unfamiliar rifle. She anticipated heavy recoil and pulled the gun in tight to her shoulder and took careful aim at a part of the paper target that didn't have a bunch of holes in it.

She pulled the trigger.

The rifle went bang.

A small hole was made.

Pauline smiled, the recoil wasn't all that bad.

She realized that Harvey had his hand on her back. She had been so focused on the gun and the to get that she hadn't noticed that he was making sure that the rifle kicked her so had that she flew backward.

Pauline fired again, and again and again and again. Everything about this gun just felt right. It's curves, it's length, it's accuracy, it's excellent trigger.

The bolt locked back. The gun was empty.

She politely handed the rifle back to its owner and said, "that was fun."

Harvey stated, "yep, these M14s are pretty nice. Want to try the Sig?"

Pauline nodded.

He handed her the pistol, followed by a loaded magazine. She dropped the slide and engaged the safety. Her older self had never used a Sig 210 but at least she recognized what it was. She had read about it in a manga; Gunsmith Cats. It was a 9mm pistol of excellent quality and a ridiculously high price.

Pauline took aim at a pine cone off in the distance and fired. It launched into the air. She shot it again, and again, bouncing it far away from where they were standing until she ran out of bullets.

Harvey nodded, "not bad kid, not bad at all. How long have you been shooting?"

Pauline got a goofy smile, "I've never shot a gun before in my life."

Harvey looked askance as he said, "well, you could have fooled me, looks like you are a natural."

Harvey looked behind where Pauline's father was walking up. His mouth was wide open. Pauline asked him, "what's wrong?"

Mr Long replied, "nothing, nothing at all. It's just, it's just I can't remember the last time I saw you smile like that."

Pauline felt a single tear of joy fall from her eyes. She handed the Sig back to its owner and hugged her father.

Over the course of several hours Harvey taught the Long's some basics of shooting. Harvey was the classic archetype of the badass grandpa. He had served two tours in Vietnam and ironically enough he had never handled a gun in his life before he went to basic training.

He was very patient with Pauline's father who had no idea how to handle a pistol but after Harvey was done with him he declared, "well, I think you can use that thing without blowing your foot off."

When they were done for the day Harvey was officially impressed with Pauline. She had gone from cautiously handling the M14. To hitting targets and reloading on the move.

Pauline surrendered to the experience. She absorbed every bit of knowledge that Harvey shared. She had concluded that like her older self she was also a gun enthusiast.

 

* * *

 

Three AM.

Usually one is not supposed to be awake at three am, but Pauline was.

She had gotten into the habit of sleeping at Jackie's house. But Pauline's father had put his foot down and insisted that she stay at their place after their little shooting session.

She wondered why her father had been so insistent.

Now she knew.

One of their neighbors had passed away recently. Said neighbors house had been bought by a bunch of meth-heads. A rule of meth use is that you don't sleep very much and you must play loud music all hours of the day and night to distract from the drug induced demons slowly eating away at the very fiber of your being.

This wasn't right.

She stumbled over to her parents room. Once again her mother was gone... Somewhere, so she asked.

"Dad, can't we call the cops on those scumbags? I need to sleep!"

He snapped back.

"No no, we don't make waves like that, they will get tired and go to sleep soon enough."

Pauline snapped back.

"Dad, they are tweakers, they never get tired, it's what they do. They just go go go go until they die. I can't wait for them to die, I need sleep!"

He moaned.

"Just put a bunch of blankets on your window, that will muffle the sound."

Pauline lied.

"Okay, fine, I'll do that."

Pauline was going to do nothing of the sort. As soon as she closed the door to her parents bedroom Kolibri appeared.

She looked different, a bit more intense than she normally looked. Instead of her white suit she was dressed in some sort of military uniform. Pauline put that down to her being as irritated and tired as everyone else. Kolibri stated in a flat and angry tone. "We both know how this ends, so let's just skip to the end."

Because of the really shitty loud music her father didn't hear her walk out the front door.

She walked up to the new neighbors. There were four of them, drinking and carousing, telling loud obnoxious stories of sexual conquests and generally just acting like thirty year old douchebags. Pauline shouted over the music.

"Hey, it's three in the morning, are you guys going to knock it off anytime soon?"

They looked at her, laughed and immediately started throwing insults at her. Telling this tiny little cunt to fuck off. Pauline asked again politely.

"Listen, I know you are having fun, but seriously, my dad works for a living and I have school in the morning. So I'm asking you, one last time, in the nicest possible terms. Please turn the music off!"

One of them tossed a beer bottle at her feet and hissed.

"Fuck off you little puta!"

Pauline sighed, one of them took out a large knife and did a hit of meth off the blade right in front of her.

The song changed. To a tune that felt like a green light from the universe itself. 

Pauline started swaying back and forth to the music.

"Oh yeah, I love this song, you boys like John Wick too?"

Knife guy blinked, as the meth invade his capillaries. He groaned out.

"Of course you little shit!"

Pauline asked coyly.

"You know what he does right?"

"Yeah, he kills people."

Pauline nodded and replied.

"Yeah, not just with guns, but with things like this!"

Pauline whipped out a pen from her pajama pocket. A metal "tactical" pen she had just gotten earlier that day in the mail. She drew it under her nose like a fine cigar as she asked.

"Now, if Mr Wick can kill three men in a bar with a wooden pencil, just imagine what he could do with something like this?"

They laughed again, one of them got up to throw her off their property. As he came closer Pauline and Kolibri ran through twelve battle scenarios. Odds of victory were very good, these idiots were sloppy, drunk, out of their minds on drugs and just plain stupid.

He was about to grab her arm.

Time seemed to slow.

Pauline examined his hand. Soft, scarred by chemical exposure. His wrist was a twig, just begging to be snapped.

She licked her lips. This was going to be fun. 

She plunged the pen into his wrist with everything she had. The hardened glass breaker tip penetrated the veins, tendons and nerves. She grabbed his hand to create an opposing force. Causing the wrist to break. He shrieked in pain as Pauline kicked his legs out from under him. As he fell Pauline kicked him in the head with her knee. His jaw shattered from the strike.

His skull hit the concrete, sounding like a sack of wet cement.

The knife guy exploded off of his seat. He advanced cautiously, lunging with the ridiculous looking blade. Pauline recognized it, it was some piece of junk bought out of a catalog or a flea market. But it was technically a better weapon than her pen. So she closed the distance and grabbed the back of the knife as she stabbed him in the hand with the pen, causing him to release the blade. Before he could react she was in full control of the knife and slashed his hands and fingers.

He leapt backwards in horror and pain. Pauline grabbed a convenient item, a broken piston head being used as an ashtray. She put every bit of strength in her upper body into the piston as she swung it towards his head. She felt his skull crack under the blow.

Another man charged, this one with a broken beer bottle. In one smooth motion she slashed into the bottle with the knife causing it to shatter. Between the broken glass and the blade there wasn't much left of his left hand. She threw the piston straight at his head.

Another sack of wet cement hit the floor.

While this was happening the last man was standing there dumbfounded. Pauline locked eyes with him. Before he could do anything she walked up to him. She grabbed him by his belt and threw him to the floor of the garage. Pinning him down.

Pauline did more of her bioenergy voodoo. An energy anomaly formed above his heart. The sum total of every one of this guys issues. Presented for inspection like a show pony.

Pauline didn't give a shit. She broke the band. He immediately threw up all over himself. Cried in agony, then threw up again.

She could see visions of his life unfold before her. She started laughing softly, but insanely. She stared into his eyes and announced, "pathetic, absolutely pathetic. I can feel a part of me starving and I... I'm not going to eat your energy. It's so filthy that I don't want you contaminating me with your cowardice and weakness. You aren't a wolf, you aren't even a fox, or a rabbit. You and your friends are bugs, begging to be squashed."

Pauline began delicately tracing the edge of the blade around his face. She asked.

"You own this place?"

She took the blade back enough for him squeak out a high pitched, "yes!"

"I consider myself a nice person, but I will admit that I have some anger issues. I'm doing my best to work through them, but it gets hard from time to time. [She pressed the knife into his neck, drawing a drop of blood as she forcefully stated the next sentence] It's really hard to get over these issues when you can't get any fucking sleep! So here's what you are going to do. You are going to shut up. If you want to party, that's fine. But if I hear one bit of noise from this house at any time after ten PM. I'm going to come back here and do something that will make the last minute seem like a day at the beach. I'm going to turn you and anyone else I find inside out. Oh, and I know I have committed assault. Just a thing to consider. If you are enough of a chicken shit coward to go to the police over this just remember; it will be your word in open court against a fourteen year old girl. I'm going to cry, I'm going to beg. I'm going to tell them, in detail, about how you did drugs in front of me, called me a puta and charged me with broken bottles and knives. Even if that works out for you and the trial doesn't go well for me then... The day I get out of juvenile hall I will hunt all of you down and make you eat your own faces."

The tweaker realized what she had been doing with the knife. Gently tracing the shape of his face. Her eyes had taken on a turbine pattern; everything that this kid was doing was impossible and yet...

She seemed utterly sincere. She wasn't threatening to feed him his own face, it was a promise. A solemn oath that if he fucked her over that she would find him. As if to reinforce that point she stuck out her tongue, the knife drew closer. Was she going to lick the blade!?

Pauline stated.

"Oh heavens no, you shit-heads probably all have herpes or something. No, if you can play nice I can play nice too. But if you play dirty then you will see just how dirty I can get."

She stabbed the cheap Chinese blade into the concrete of the garage floor, shattering it. She walked over to the humongous stereo. Took a bottle of vodka and poured it out on the noisemaker. It began shorting out. She used the dregs of the bottle to wash any fingerprints or trace evidence off of the knife handle and her pen.

The song trailed to an end.

Everything went silent.

Pauline looked around. She wanted to keep fighting. This had all seemed too easy. No challenge at all, like shooting fish in a barrel. But three of them were unconscious and the last one looked like he wanted to tear his own eyes out. She thought out loud.

"May have overdone it just a bit on that last one."

Pauline sensed a presence.

She looked behind and saw her father standing there with the Beretta in his hands. She knew it was empty, all bullets had been fired earlier in the day. She walked over to pick up some paper towels and as she wiped the blood and vodka off her hands she announced in a cheerful voice. "There daddy, we don't have to worry about these guys anymore, let's go to sleep."

Her father was speechless for a moment. As she walked back to their house he asked.

"Why!? Why did you do this? How did you do this!?"

Pauline explained, "how? Because I know how to fight. Why? Because you wouldn't call the cops and I needed to sleep. And when I tried to reason with them they threatened me. No one threatens me and gets away with it. It's fine, I enjoyed it, I think I like showing dirtbags the error of their ways. I'm just glad they stopped before I had to kill anyone."

"Bbbbbb but! you could have been killed! They came at you with a knife!"

"Give me some credit Dad. They weren't going to kill me, they were just trying to scare me. If they had killed me they would have all gotten in big trouble for child murder. Do you know what they do to child murderers in jail? These idiots weren't going to kill me, they were probably just going to beat me up, possibly rape me a bit. Calm down, get some sleep, you can mediate on the consequences of your actions tomorrow."

He snapped.

"My actions, what did I do?!"

"Nothing, and that's exactly the point, you did absolutely nothing. You didn't call the cops, you didn't confront this sleaze. You left it up to your fourteen year old daughter to show the courage that you as a father were not able to manifest. Life demands bravery, it demands honor, it demands sacrifice. If that bravery won't come from you then it will have to come from somewhere. Would you like me to call the police and have them..."

"No! No no no dear god no! Okay I see your point, just please, let's go to sleep."

"Sounds good, but I think I should take a shower first. I've got blood and puke on me. I'll probably have to burn these pajamas."

Greg Long stopped dead in his tracks as his daughter went back into their home. The night was silent except for the sounds of meth addicts groaning in agony, crying in pain and/or throwing up.


	20. The power of Jackie compels you!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What? You didn't think a fourteen year old girl could beat the shit out of four grown men and there not be consequences, did you?

The next morning Pauline woke up to an empty house and an utterly quiet neighborhood.

It felt unnaturally quiet.

Normally her father made slightly less noise than a lawnmower when he got up in the morning but today...

She went to her parents room. There was a note on the bed.

"Hey Kitten, I've gone to Seattle on a business trip. Your mother will be around soon to keep an eye on you. Just don't do anything crazy while I'm gone, please."

This was very odd.

Her father almost never traveled for business and when he did he always warned everyone days out.

Kolibri materialized.

"Um, okay, can you consider the possibility that you scared him?" She asked.

"Come on, I scared Dad?"

Kolibri snapped, "he hasn't called you Kitten since you were seven!

"Seven? Nah, it couldn't have been that long."

Pauline leaned up to Kolibri.

"Let's say I scared Dad enough to leave me here alone, with you? To do whatever I want until Mom shows up? And I do mean... Whatever."

Kolibri saw what Pauline was thinking and grimaced.

" _Hmm, that's not like her._ " Pauline thought. Then went and got ready for school.

As she was leading her bike out of the garage a car pulled up next door. It was a familiar car, that of the real estate agent handling the house next door. She removed the sold banner over the sign, sighed and looked at the building.

"Hey, uh what's going on?" Pauline asked.

The woman looked over and said, "ah, hey Pauline. Um, it looks like the sale isn't going through. The client pulled out of the deal, rather quickly. He showed up at my office first thing this morning and said, "whatever you want, whatever I need to sign whatever I need to pay I need to get out of this house. I can't live in this neighborhood."

A name flashed in Pauline's head. Despite her effort to not harvest the guys bioenergy she had still picked up a few things.

"Ricky, that the guy?"

The agent replied sternly.

"Ah yes, Ricky Spanish. It's a little bit suspicious when a client offers to pay in cash. It's even more suspicious when they show up at the deal with a briefcase of brand new hundred dollar bills. A car that looks like it has a damn battleship engine in it, and reeks of cat piss. But, well, he wanted the deal. Now he wants out."

Pauline shook her head, said. "Oh well, good luck finding a new buyer." and rode off to school.

Once she was sure she was out of earshot she observed. "Great, at some point I'm definitely going to start processing the memories of a fucking drug dealer."

Kolibri snapped, "hey, you were the one who wanted to do the voodoo on them. I just wanted to get them to shut up."

Pauline just thought.

_"Hmm, Kolibri is being unusually argumentative today."_

When they got to school Pauline couldn't help but notice people backing away from her everywhere she went. It started with a few random kids reversing direction. Then escalated until Pauline discovered that she could part crowds of students like the Red Sea.

She leaned to the left.

She leaned to the right.

It was like everyone was under orders to not get within ten feet of her.

As all these other kids stared at her with varying expressions from anxiety to raw terror Pauline finally got antsy and said.

"Boo!"

Very very quickly everyone rushed to their assigned classrooms. The bell was five minutes away from ringing.

Pauline sighed and said, "great, someone saw what I did last night and blabbed."

Footsteps approaching rapidly.

"Hi Jackie!"

Jackie held up her phone. It was playing a video, barely visible because of the shakiness of the cameraman and the use of vertical video but the title said it all.

"Little girl goes John Wick on dirtbags."

"I.... Can explain that." Pauline said.

"I bet you can, so, would you care to try?"

"I would love to but I have Mrs Chegvaske's math class and I really need to."

Jackie grabbed Pauline and walked quickly to the classroom in question.

"Excuse me Mrs Chegvaske, do you mind if I take Pauline to the nurses office. I think she may have suffered a cut on her bike ride here."

Mrs Chegvaske just replied, "yes of course dear."

Jackie pulled Pauline out of school all the way to a nearby park.

As they knelt together on a lovely little grassy hill Pauline looked at the video again. Judging by the angle it had been filmed from old lady Morrison's place. Pauline never would have figured that eighty six year old to use the same filming techniques seen on the average WorldStar HipHop video.

The video didn't start until after she had drawn her pen. Pauline explained the exact circumstances leading up to the fight. Jackie just said, "I already knew it was self defense. I mean, they charged you, I can see they drew knives on you."

"I asked them, I asked them nicely and they attacked me. What was I supposed to do?"

Jackie put down the phone and said, "not be there! Let the police handle this sort of thing. It's their job."

"Dad wouldn't let me call the police, so I had to do this myself."

Jackie shook her head and said, "seriously? Why wouldn't he let you?"

"He is a coward, an utter, buck kneed, lily livered coward. Who would rather let everything around him go to hell than directly address a problem. He is super passive aggressive. So I got aggressive aggressive. Showed them all. That will teach them. That will teach them all."

Jackie looked in horror at the expression on Pauline's face. It was a ferocious smile. The smile of someone who enjoyed inflicting pain on people.

"No!" Jackie whispered.

**"Yeah yeah, no this is just too fucked up. I'm cutting the cord, I'm ending this operation."**

Jackie noticed that there was another version of Pauline standing in front of her younger self. She reached out a hand to Jackie.

Time seemed to stop completely. 

Jackie looked around in horror.

Jackie stood up and got a good look at the older version of Pauline.

It wasn't the first one. That one had six wings. This one only had four and these wings were of a completely different shape than what Pauline had described. Those had lots of flowing curves. These four wings were roughly diamond shaped and very angular.

But other than that everything else was identical. The wings looked metallic, with a fractal core structure inside. Turbine shaped eye pattern and lightning bolt cheek marks.

Jackie guessed, "so, I take it you are from yet another timeline. I'm guessing you are the one who murderfucked that vampire back to life?"

As she opened her mouth to talk her fangs became visible. "Yeah, thats's me."

"What's going on, what are you doing here?" Jackie asked.

"I'm sorry, I'm just so sorry. This... Version of me. She had sent her subconscious out into other timelines looking for energy and she caught... Me. When Princess White attacked me that was one of the most energetic experiences of my life. I had so much energy coming in and going out of me that when I felt her presence I let her join in but... I didn't know she was fourteen! I thought it was an even older, more magically skilled version of me. I never would have imagined that a fourteen year old version of me could have reached between dimensions like that!"

"Anyway, I traced her back here and, well, I have been watching over her. She thinks I am Kolibri. But the real Kolibri has been asleep in this."

The older Pauline was holding a tiny yellow oval shaped bubble. Inside that bubble was Kolibri. Sleeping sweetly.

"Listen, I know I have overstayed my welcome I know that if I stay here that I will make this version of me as crazy as I am. I know I have fucked up and I have been trying to fix it. I'm the only thing that was keeping her alive when she tried to make you fly. But I know I have been infecting her with my madness by my very presence. Just please, keep her safe. Keep her away from Star and for the love of God. Tell her, don't ever go to Mewni on Stump Day."

Jackie asked, "huh?"

"Christmas, fuck! Don't go to Mewni around Christmas! No matter how much Marco begs her. It will all make sense when you process my memories."

"What?"

The older Pauline slapped the bubble containing Kolibri into the side of Jackie's head. Jackie could feel Kolibri awaken inside her own brain. Kolibri shrieked in fear, she knew she wasn't supposed to be in here.

Momentum carried her clear through Jackie's brain. She saw Pauline, kneeling on the ground. The bubble was gone, she shot straight into her own brain.

Time went back to normal.

"Jesus fucking titfucking Christ! What the fuck was that! What the fuck was that!" Kolibri screamed out of Pauline's mouth.

The older Pauline was gone.

Jackie felt something. The remnants of the bubble that had contained Kolibri was dissolving around her brain stem. She was about to get a direct download of energy from the cosmos. Complete with her own copy of the memories of the version of Pauline that just left.

Sparks shot out of Jackies fingers.

She knelt back down the to ground and threw her hands in the air shouting. "There is only one!"

Pauline replied, "um, don't you mean there can be only one?"

Jackie grabbed her by the scruff of her neck and whispered. "No, there is only one."

Jackie didn't have wings, or a Kolibri. She could feel something beyond her building up inside. 

Jackie let go of Pauline's neck and said, "um, wow, this is really going to suck, isn't it?" 

Pauline just nodded.

 

* * *

 

On a distant world, once covered entirely with impossibly large machinery. Now covered in layers of life, things that had once been statues were moving.

Amidst this scene stood a leader. Dressed in a magnificent flowing robe, with a handsome, but clearly very old face. The Hierophant pointed towards the masts of a magnificent looking ship. Which would have appeared to an earthling to be some impossible combination of a warship, space vehicle and a 1930s J Boat racing yacht.

"Get those launchers calibrated! We are probably going to need everything we got for this. We need everything to be working perfectly when the next..." 

Amidst the hustle and bustle a red glow started flashing around a crystal ball set in the middle of the scene. 

The Hierophant dropped his scrolls and stared into the crystal ball. With a horrified expression on his face he said, "oh crap. Second wave! Okay everyone, we have a second, no, strike that. Oh no! Everyone! the anomaly that woke us up has now performed three separate breaches in the time stream! Alright seriously, I know we have been asleep for a long time. But we gotta get going as soon as..."

The Captain, a man with a distinctive goatee and golden armor. Clapped The Hierophant on the shoulder and said, "come on Hiyo. We don't even have a target planet yet. We just have the shockwaves of the breaches. Calm down, I'll help you get us an actual target that we can aim at."

The Hierophant looked at his trusted captain and said, "okay."

A crystal ball levitated through the air, into the Hierophants hands. The Captain put his hands on the ball as well and the two of them started running through the energy spectrum of the second and third time displacement signals. The two of them still didn't have a target. But they were able to see.

"Multiple time streams?" The Hierophant asked.

"Oh god, this could spill over into other dimensions. If this keeps happening it could undermine all of reality!" The Captain stated in horror.

The Hierophant announced to everyone.

"Alright, just do your best. I know you are all tired, I'm just as tired as the rest of you. But we need to be ready to launch the moment we get usable coordinates. This is no drill. This is what we were created for. If we screw this up there will be no coming back for anyone."


	21. An inter-dimensional car crash.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The consequences of Jackie's run in with an inter-dimensional vampire hunter.

Jackie collapsed.

She only had brief flashes of where she was.

Park.

Road.

Buildings.

Vaguely familiar buildings.

She couldn't process the information what was overwhelming her body. Her senses recoiled in horror as they desperately attempted to make sense of what she was experiencing. She repeatedly forced her eyes open, but when she did she saw more and more things that were just beyond her ability to comprehend. 

Jackie wailed in agony. She had this terrible sensation vibrating through her body. It was no one thing she could describe. It was like she had become a conduit for energy transference between the universe and the planet Earth itself.

Normally a mere mortal wouldn't have been able to handle this. Even for the 3.57648 seconds that was needed for the Other-Older Pauline to depart back to her home dimension.

Typical dimensional travel using scissors didn't have this problem. However the Other-Older Pauline was using a different technique she had learned from her version of Star. Jackie was already beginning to process her memories. Jackie learned quickly that the other older Pauline was even more reckless with her magical abilities than Star was.

The Other-Older Pauline had gotten entirely too close to her younger self and Jackie. Everything about this woman was chaos and her exit from this dimension was even more chaotic than her entrance. 

She hadn't done this just to hurt Jackie. She had been holding the unconscious Kolibri for days now and the only way she could figure to get her to wake back up and physically reintegrate with her younger self was to crack the shell that had formed around the thought form on Jackie's head like an egg. She didn't want to crack the shell directly on her younger self's head, she had already been through too much and anyone else would have been unaware of what was really happening and would have gone insane from the sudden dump of interdimensional energies and memories. 

Jackie fought to manage what had been unceremoniously dumped into her. A drop of raw source, contaminated with truly unpleasant memories diffused through her body. Changing her in ways that she couldn't yet understand. Among these bizarre sensations that were ravaging her body she felt like she was developing senses that human beings weren't supposed to have.

At least not yet.

Somehow she knew that this was going to be different from what happened to Pauline. Jackie couldn't sense any other presences. She couldn't sense her subconscious as a separate entity. It was, for lack of a better description, all her.

And it was all pain!

She blinked.

Her mother was standing over her.

Jackie tried to speak, she couldn't recognize the words coming out of her own mouth.

Pauline appeared. She spoke, "try not to talk, seriously, you sound like a raccoon right now."

She recognized where she was. A hospital. She was being hooked up to some kind of machine.

Which gave a series of very loud readings, and then broke.

Jackie grabbed Pauline and spoke again, she was faintly aware that she was speaking too fast for anyone to hear. Jackie deliberately slowed her enunciation as much as she could.

"Get... This out, of me!"

While the doctors and nurses rushed to get more equipment Pauline asked. "Mrs Thomas, I think I can help Jackie. But it's going to look kinda weird. Do I have your permission to do what I need to do?"

Jackie's mother just said, "yes, just do it."

Pauline knelt above Jackie and started making symmetrical hand gestures. Kolibri wanted to form. She wanted to help, she wanted to become an exhaust for this energy. Pauline suppressed her, she did not need to explain her non invisible, imaginary friend right now.

Pauline moved her hands faster, this was way more power than she had ever seen before. This made the incident with Brittney look like a walk in the park. Whatever had just happened had charged Jackie with enough magical energy to level a multistory building.

The doctors and nurses came back, they forcibly took Pauline off of Jackie and took Jackie's pulse.

It was normal.

Another EEG machine was brought in.

As it was hooked up it showed abnormally high brain activity. But it was tapering off. Jackie opened her eyes.

As she blinked her eyes changed color to brown, then blue, then back to green. One of the doctors whistled, "holy... What the hell is going on here?"

Jackie started breathing normally. She looked around and said, "hey Mom, hey Pauline."

Jackie's mother leaned in and hugged her daughter, asking the inevitable question. "Are you okay?"

Jackie replied in a whisper, "I have a really bad headache."

The doctors examined the data from the machines and asked, "okay, do you have any history of seizures, epilepsy, anything like that?"

Jackie replied, "no, nothing no health problems other than some cuts and broken bones, right?"

Her mother added, "she had the flu when she was nine."

The doctors did a comprehensive analysis, blood tests, X rays and an MRI. All the tests suggested nothing more than Jackie had just gone through a stressful event that had somehow caused her brain activity to spike. And a nurse felt a strange vibration in Jackie's spine. While the tests were being done Pauline confessed what little she knew about the situation to Jackie's mother. Ann Thomas just sat there and listened to a very odd story about bioenergy and weird nightmares about future versions of herself.

Ann just asked, "is Jackie going to be okay?"

Pauline replied, "I... Don't know, but I swear I will do everything I can to help her."

Jackie was wheeled into the lobby. Her lead Doctor announced, "well, I have never seen anything like that in my life. If it wasn't for the eye thing and the complete lack of burns I would say that your daughter was electrocuted. I think Jackie is okay. It will take awhile for all the tests to be completed. But there's no signs of tumors, chemical contamination or anything that doesn't belong. Just take it easy for the next couple of days, alright."

Jackie stood up, somewhat shakily. Ann and Pauline helped Jackie to her mother's car. Jackie sat in the front passenger seat, Pauline sat right behind her. Ann asked. "So... Jackie, Pauline told me that she thinks that this is because of accidental time travel, or dimensional travel or something. That sounds kinda crazy, are you sure you didn't just accidentally electrocute yourself?"

Jackie replied, "I don't know, I'm not sure. Whatever it was it sure felt like an electric shock. Did I... Blow up one of those machines?"

Pauline explained, "it was more like a shorting out than blowing up."

Ann asked Pauline, "so what was that thing you did with your hands?"

"I was balancing out the flow of energy around Jackie."

Ann mused, "hmmm, so would that also help if someone was electrocuted?"

Pauline replied, "I don't know, probably not. Bioenergy is not the same as electricity."

Ann scratched her chin, thinking. Pauline took a good look at her. Pauline had met her before several times. Pauline quite liked her. Her appearance could be summed up as short, redheaded and cute. It was fairly obvious where Jackie had inherited her curves from.

Ann Thomas was thinking carefully about the situation. Pauline had always been scrupulously honest with her and her daughter before. Whatever had happened did not look like it involved drugs, it really did seem like some kind of bizarre accident, albeit probably not one actually involving time travel. Ann asked, "how come you two weren't in school?"

Pauline spoke up, "I did something mean last night. I beat up a bunch of bad guys and Jackie wanted to make sure that I hadn't gone crazy."

Ann turned around and asked, "you beat up...?"

Pauline added, "Jackie, show her the video."

Jackie took out her phone. It was fried. Pauline took out her phone and looked up the video.

"This video has been deleted."

Pauline looked on a couple of other sites that had to have had the video. Same message.

"Huh, I guess this video was a little too spicy or something."

Ann asked, "so you did... something last night and Jackie took you out of school to see if you were okay. Something happened that looks to all the world like an electrical accident and then you took Jackie to the hospital. Pauline, you aren't a dimensional traveler. You must have bumped up against a light pole with bad wiring and Jackie got shocked. You... You saved my daughters life."

Pauline murmured under her breath, "I never claimed to be a dimensional traveler."

"What was that?"

Pauline stated, "it's fine but I really want to keep an eye on Jackie. It does look like she got shocked and I really want to keep an eye on her."

Ann started the car and began driving. Leaving things in silence until they were out of the hospital parking lot.

Ann sprung the inevitable question.

"So, Pauline. You have been spending a lot of time around my daughter lately. What... Exactly is the nature of your relationship with Jackie?"

Pauline thought for a moment. All she could say was. "I think Jackie would be more qualified to explain than I am. I wouldn't want to make any kind of outrageous claims."

Ann replied, "very diplomatic, and rather ironic given your claim of inter-dimensional time travel. But you aren't fooling anyone dear."

As they stopped at an intersection Ann looked directly at her daughter and stated, "and neither are you. So how about you two just come clean?"

Jackie sighed and replied, "yeah we are dating. But we haven't done anything past hugging and kissing."

She wanted to add, "technically". But she knew this was probably the worst time to try to bring up inter-dimensional bio energy voodoo rituals.

Again.

"Mom, I... This is kinda weird I admit. I wasn't into girls before Pauline decided to start dating me but this has been going on for a few weeks now and... Pauline is just awesome. She is kind and sweet and... kinda crazy I admit. But she... She really really likes me."

Pauline smiled involuntarily, she was blushing visibly.

Ann just gently tapped the accelerator and didn't say a word until they had pulled up alongside her home. She turned off the ignition, exhaled and explained. "Jackie, you know the kind of person I am. I'm not the kind of person who would hold someone's sexuality against them. And Pauline, I have known you for awhile now. You do seem different than you used to be. You are taking... way more risks than I have ever seen you take in the past and one of those risks has apparently been to date my daughter."

Ann breathed deeply and finished, "I suppose this can be regarded as the old cliche of 'I don't think anyone is good enough for my daughter'. But... Pauline, you seem like a good person. If you want to keep an eye on my daughter while I get back to work, you know how to reach me. Thank you for saving Jackie."

Pauline breathed nervously and quietly stated. "I swear that I will always defend Jackie, with my own life if need be."

Ann replied quietly, "thank you."

Once they were inside the house Pauline asked, "so, I still don't know what happened."

Jackie replied, "oh, yeah there's something I have to tell you. That version of you. It wasn't the same one as the one who started all this. She had four wings, not the six you told me about. She was really sorry about making you see the devamping of Princess White. She thought that you were older. But yeah, the big thing she wanted to say was, don't go to Mewni for Christmas, and stay away from Star."

Jackie and Pauline sat down on a couch, Pauline mused. "Christmas, hmm, Star's birthday is around Christmas. But in Mewni they call it Stump Day."

Jackie snapped, "yes, she mentioned that. She actually corrected herself, she called it Stump Day at first. When I asked her what it was about she said that I would learn everything when I processed her memories."

"Hmm, anything else?"

"Yeah, she also said that I should keep you away from Star."

This struck Pauline as odd. "My one big memory from her was being force fed that vampire. But Star was there, she... She showed up at the end of the dream and the vampire apologized to her."

Pauline went silent.

"Oh no, no no no no! Jackie, dear god, you... You are about to be force fed memories from the worst version of me in the multiverse. I'm so sorry!"

Jackie stopped breathing. She remembered Pauline's reaction to the vampire incident. That had just been one memory, albeit a very intense one. Jackie swallowed hard and murmured. "Is there anything that you can do about this?"

Pauline replied, "I don't know. Obviously I can do the thing to you, but I don't know. I swear I will do evening I can to help you through this."

Jackie's eyes showed visible fear, she asked quietly. "Can I speak to Kolibri? I want to see if she is okay."

Pauline closed her eyes and focused on summoning the thought form. She materialized, but when she tried to speak there was no sound. Jackie pointed this out, Pauline explained. "Sorry, I can hear her just fine in my head."

Pauline surrendered her voice to Kolibri, speaking through Pauline's mouth she asked. "What do you want to know?"

Jackie looked at the alarmingly solid thought form and asked, "are you really Pauline's subconscious mind? How do I know that this isn't some kind of complicated ruse?"

Kolibri replied, "I don't know! This is, wait..."

Kolibri strode over and looked at Jackie's head, asking Jackie.

"Are you seeing this right now?"

"Seeing what?" Jackie asked.

"It's your head, it looks like; like you have neutrons or something swirling around your head."

Kolibri sat down in the same space that Pauline was sitting in. Now Pauline could see it.

It was incredible. Pauline explained.

"Yeah, it's... Wow, it's like your head is surrounded by rings of energy. Hang on."

Pauline put her hands into the energy. Pauline and Kolibri working together could affect the energy. They rearranged the energy from going in all random directions to a single halo on top of Jackie's head.

Pauline explained, "I wish you could see what I'm seeing now."

Jackie replied, "yeah me too. All I know is that my headache is much better."

Pauline and Kolibri separated again, "so, another, clearly evil version of me has declared that I should never go to Mewni during Christmas and that I should stay away from Star. The Christmas thing should be fairly easy to go along with, but staying away from Star, hmm. I don't think we should take anything she says at face value. I mean, I'm thinking of a scene in a Spider-Man movie where one of the bad guys accidentally killed himself while trying to kill Spider-Man. He made Spider-Man promise not to tell his son that he was a super-villain. Gotta the franchise going. But what kind of a doormat would agree to anything asked by a guy who had just come within a gnats eyelash of killing you? I always hated that scene, just ignore the dying bastard and go on with your life." Kolibri observed.

Jackie tilted her head gently and said, "well, it seems to be a theme with these other versions of you. Whenever Star is involved it seems to magnify your... Stranger traits and infuse them with a lot of magic. I mean I don't know how Star would have tried to treat my headache. But... Well, we all remember Marco's monster arm."

A realization slipped into Jackie's mind, "hey, you would t exist as a separate entity from Pauline if not for the older version of her that you two met in dreamland, right?"

Kolibri and Pauline nodded simultaneously.

"That older version of you is Kolibris father."

Pauline swallowed hard, "and that means that I'm technically Kolibris... Ewwwwwwww!"

Pauline and Kolibri started gagging at the realization. Jackie chuckled sweetly. Kolibri snapped, "hey, laugh it up now. If that halo you have winds up doing the same thing to you as what created me... Um."

"The, I will have a thought form haunting me that will be a creation of you and me. An unintentional creation. But..."

Jackie slumped back into the couch. Observing deadpan, "okay, headache is back."


	22. Dig that crazy beat.

Over the next two days Jackie and Pauline took a break from each other. Pauline had completely exhausted her limited supply of bioenergy and magical tricks trying to fix the other older versions of hers damage to Jackie. As much as she wanted to help Jackie through the processing of memories from the insane older version of herself, Kolibri felt that spending too much time around Jackie would result in complications. Britney style complications to be specific. And Pauline had no desire to have anyone soul bonded to her again. Either accidentally or on purpose.

Even someone she loved.

With both her parents away Pauline took the opportunity to conduct some experiments. The destruction of Jackie's phone had given her an idea. Pauline found that with enough concentration she could generate surprisingly strong electromagnetic fields. Not enough to levitate metal, but powerful enough to fry several old electronic devices that Pauline had dug out of her garage and purchased from a local thrift store.

She discovered that she could generate a field that could knock out every digital camera in a 500 foot radius.

When Pauline discovered this she smiled. No more risk of improbable videos being made of her. All she had to do was pop an electromagnetic pulse and all anyone would have to go on would be eyewitness accounts.

Which would probably sound like hallucinations.

Pauline also worked out that she could still use her own electronic devices, provided that they were properly shielded. By wrapping them in tinfoil.

She couldn't resist the temptation. She made herself a tinfoil hat, grabbed a super old and obsolete digital camera from the thrift shop. Went off into the woods where she did most of these experimentations. Put the camera on a stump and summoned an electromagnetic pulse. The camera didn't explode. A little red light indicating that it was on simply went off.

Pauline boldly proclaimed, "ha! I am Electro Girl! Bow before my ability to short out small electronic devices, puny mortals!"

Between her memories of her older self's college days, her combat prowess, predictive abilities, bioenergy manipulation and now this. Pauline had picked up a very interesting set of skills.

She stared at the camera.

The older her, she had felt so weak, so powerless. So... Uninteresting until she had gone off to college and reinvented herself. It had been oddly comforting to know that for all their differences, they had that in common.

Now?

Pauline bagged the dead camera and unwrapped her phone. As it reconnected to the network there was a message waiting.

From... Jackie.

"Come over to my place. I have something really cool to show you."

Jackie wasn't the kind of person who showed off her possessions. She showed off herself.

She got back on her bike and booked it over to Jackie's home, before she could knock on the door Pauline got another message.

"It's unlocked, come on in."

Pauline went in and announced, "oh Jackie... are you laying a trap for me?"

Jackie announced down the hallway, "no trap, just a surprise. Come to my room."

Pauline was almost salivating, she went into Jackie's room and sat down on her bed. She lied back on the bed, profoundly happy. Absence really did make the heart grow fonder in Pauline's case.

Footsteps approached from the bathroom. Pauline's predictive abilities were out of control. All she could see in her minds eye right now was that Jackie would walk through that door and offer herself up as a delightful little treat for Pauline and Kolibri's idle pleasure.

Jackie stepped into the doorway.

Kolibri spoke, just to announce, "well, even I didn't see that coming."

Jackie was wearing a tight purple shirt with a golden star on it. A short green skirt, purple pants, Purple Hearts on her cheeks, square red plastic eyeglass frames with no lenses and a very familiar horned headband. She had also changed her hairstyle and color to a near perfect replica of Pauline's old hairstyle.

Which coincidentally enough showed off Jackie's ears for all the world to see.

Pauline stammered.

"I... I thought I threw that headband out."

"You did, I noticed it in your trash as I was walking away from your house the first time we kissed. I grabbed it because I just couldn't believe that you threw away something so precious to you. I cleaned it up of course."

In the quietest possible tone Pauline asked, "Jackie, I'm stunned, this, this is the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for me, but... why? This isn't some consequence of the memories from evil me, is it?"

Jackie walked over and sat down next to Pauline.

"No, it's not evil you. I'm having some kind of weird glitch processing those memories anyway. As for what this is? Well, I've been wanting to give you a big romantic gesture. I've been wondering how to do that for days and well, this is what I came up with. Like Mom said, know you have really changed over these past couple of weeks. I mean, you dress different, you act different, you are waaaaay more confident than you used to be. When I saw the video of you beating up those meth heads, it... It reminded me of something you told me about. That the Older You that started all this almost killed herself because she idolized Star and when Star went back to Mewni she just couldn't deal with it. That she decided that if she couldn't have Star that she would become Star. I don't know what you are becoming now, especially now that you have seen what Star might grow into. But I... I wanted, no I needed you to know that I love you for who you are... All of what you are! I mean it's great that you are becoming all strong and confident, but..."

Jackie swallowed and finished.

"I don't want the goofy girl you are to go away!"

Pauline asked, again very softly, but somewhat sarcastically. "So, does this mean that you... Idolize me?"

Jackie chuckled and shrugged, "I know it means I respect you, I respect your honesty to live as you are. Heck even though I look like you now I think it shows off more of who I really am."

Pauline replied. "Yeah, I noticed that I can see your ears now."

Leaning in incredibly close she added.

"Your beautiful, beautiful ears."

Jackie snorted out another laugh and smiled. Pauline looked at her and stated. "Just for the record though... I would like to make a couple of small changes."

Pauline reached for a makeup tissue and wiped off the hearts.

"The hearts might make people think that you are idolizing Star."

She removed the glasses.

"You don't need these. It looks weird wearing glasses with no lenses."

Pauline removed the headband and tousled her hair, concluding.

"There now, we wouldn't want anyone to think that you had an unhealthy obsession with Star. Instead of an unhealthy obsession with me."

Jackie looked over at a nearby mirror. She smiled, snickered and observed, "you know, it's not a bad look."

Pauline leaned in and whispered, "I think you look absolutely stunning."

Jackie turned and stated, "but like I said. I don't want you to forget who you are... Were, um..."

Pauline hugged her and whispered.

"No problem Jackie, I'm not going anywhere."

Jackie almost yelled.

"Seriously, Evil You wanted me to protect you! She seemed really insistent that you not wind up like her."

Pauline backed out of the hug and looked at Jackie humbly.

"Well that's no problem. Evil Me didn't have you to talk to, did she? But if you still think I have a terminal case of coolness..."

Pauline got out her phone and plugged it into Jackie's stereo. She cued up a song and took off her shoes. Before she started playing it Pauline explained. "Stumbled upon this song a few months ago. It's a bit old, but I think it works. Song's so catchy, most people probably don't listen to the lyrics."

Jackie gulped anxiously, she really hoped that she wasn't about to hear Hip To Be Square.

The song started playing, Ces't La Vie by B*Witched. As the incredibly cheerful tune started playing Pauline started dancing along to it. Pauline lip synched and danced through the whole thing.

Jackie couldn't help but think that regardless of any cross timeline magical weirdness or romantic entanglements that this had been exactly what she had wanted. A friend that she could be truly honest with. Someone who would do silly kid stuff with her, as opposed to acting like a miniature adult. As so many kids were known to do these days.

As the song went on Jackie realized that Kolibri was materializing. At first she was just mirroring Pauline's motions. Then she realized that Kolibri and Pauline were lip syncing to different parts of music.

They had choreographed this. This was another gesture by the both of them showing that both truly did love Jackie. Both her conscious and subconscious selves were perfectly in tune on this. Jackie couldn't help but smile at the revelation.

The song ended, Kolibri vanished. Pauline bowed and asked, "so, what do you think?"

Jackie smiled, hid her face behind a blanket and announced, "well dude, I gotta admit, that was... Probably the most uncool thing I have ever seen!"

Pauline snorted and replied, "life is much too short to be cool every waking moment. I may not dance in public. But I do like to dance. And... As goofy as it all looks. And as bad as I am at it, I would like to dance with you. I've, I have never seen you dance Jackie, something tells me you might like it too."

"Me? Dancing? Oh no, no no no. You don't need to see that."

Pauline picked Jackie up and sat back down on the bed, announcing. "Okay, now I gotta see you dance. You know how I was referring to terminal cases of coolness? If anyone here has that condition it would be you my dear Jackie. Don't worry, it's just us. What song would you like?"

Jackie looked around and said, "no... No, let's not do this." In a tone that suggested that she really wanted to do this.

Pauline announced formally, "you have twenty seconds to pick a song. If you don't then I will start playing Friday by Rebecca Black at full volume. Oh, or perhaps we could do Gagnam Style, that's not too cliched is it?"

Pauline leaned in really close and whispered in Jackie's ear. "If you don't dance then I will have to tickle you until you do!"

Jackie threw up her hands and shouted, "okay! KT Tunstall, fade like a shadow."

Pauline replied, "I like that song."

Jackie sarcastically replied, "I never would have guessed that."

The song played, Pauline sat down on the bed in Jackie's seat and watched Jackie start off; lip syncing into a hairbrush. Pauline hadn't seen Jackie do much dancing. But she was fairly good at it.

The song ended.

As the room went quiet Jackie tackled Pauline into her bed. Jackie kissed Pauline on the lips and kindly asked.

"Pauline, there's something that I have been meaning to ask. And I don't even know how to ask it."

Pauline smiled and grabbed Jackie by the hips, whispering. "Well then, why don't you just give it your best shot?"

"Why do you sacrifice yourself at every opportunity?"

"Huh?"

"When you tried skateboarding, fighting those tweaker's, hell you said that you were going to feed yourself to Britney's subconscious just to save Kolibri. I mean, that didn't even make any sense! If you die Kolibri dies too."

Pauline solemnly rolled Jackie onto the bed, took a deep breath and replied.

"Jackie, I told you that seeing the memory of myself committing suicide really messed me up, right?"

"Yeah."

"The real reason why older me threw herself off that bridge?"

Jackie thought for a moment. "It was because Star moved away?"

"Well, yes and no. It was my fifteenth birthday, and for the second time in my life I had a birthday and no one showed up. No one showed up to my fourteenth birthday party either."

Jackie blinked, "um, wow, yeah I can... Wait, why didn't you invite me?"

"My birthday is June 20, you were away at skate camp."

Pauline looked away in rue, "I had hoped that being around Star would make me more normal. Like a real person with friends and stuff. But after she left, here it was. This blaring reminder that I'm not special, I'm not even normal. I'm an antisocial weirdo who can't even get anyone but immediate family to show up for a fucking birthday party!"

"Regardless of what timeline I'm in it seems that I don't matter. Unless I make myself matter by doing all sorts of crazy shit."

Jackie replied in an incredulous tone.

"Excuse me?"

"I don't matter, Jackie. I was an accident, my parents never should have had children. From my first memory my mother was telling me how I ruined her life. How she would have done incredible things if I wasn't around. She would have traveled, seen the world. She had a position at CERN lined up when Dad knocked her up. All I have ever been is a distraction. A background character, that creepy kid with the terrible voice. Best case scenario until that dream I could imagine was that I wind up married to some guy, crank out a couple of kids and grow into another drunken, bored housewife."

Jackie blinked, she couldn't imagine anyone having such a low opinion of themselves. Pauline continued.

"I suppose you could say that all the crazy stuff I have been doing lately is just me thinking what would be the best thing to donate my life towards."

Jackie rolled on top of Pauline, growling, "donate your life? Really?"

"What value is one life against the masses of humanity? I'm doomed Jackie, we are all going to die someday. I'm just determined that when my time comes that mine will count for something. That I won't throw myself away on the altar of my own issues like the older me almost did."

"But you do count. I love you! I mean, I don't know what I would do if you died!"

"Come on, we both know what you would do. You would mourn me for awhile. Then you would pick up the pieces and move on with your life. You would find some guy who is nowhere near as crazy as me and you would probably be better off without me. I'm a blunt instrument. I'm an insane magical girl. I've seen enough stories about magical girls to know what happens to them. Especially the insane ones."

Jackie buried her fingernails in Pauline's shoulders. With tremendous force behind her words she growled. "Regardless of anything else I consider you a friend and friends don't let friends talk like this. You are not a blunt instrument, you are a fourteen year old girl! It doesn't matter what your mother or the tv told you, you matter! You have already proven yourself. Even if you don't matter to anyone else in the world, and you do, you matter to me!"

All Pauline could see was those incredible green eyes.

Jackie repeated the words slowly and forcefully.

"You matter to me."

Pauline apologized, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for making you so upset. It's just I'm a little awkward at this whole, interacting with other people thing. I'm just trying to be honest with you. Especially about the fact that I wasn't all that sane to begin with and having the memories of an older version of me dumped into my head didn't help."

Jackie leaned away from her and chuckled as she replied. "I can see that, I know that you are trying and I know that's all I can ask. Just please, I'm fucking begging you. Don't go sacrificing yourself. I know we haven't been... together for very long. But I don't want to lose you."

Pauline replied, "I don't want to lose you either."

Pauline took another deep whiff of Jackie's hair. Observing.

"You know, I still can't believe you let me do that."

Jackie sighed and replied, "yeah, you are new to this whole, interacting with people thing. Most people would regard that as endearing, not creepy."

Pauline stared for a moment.

"Okay, it's a little creepy, but what would you be, if you weren't a little creepy?"

Pauline replied, "I don't know what I would be. But I wouldn't be any version of me that I know."


End file.
